Small ceremony Friday, large casual reception Saturday...thoughts

Thank you Sarah M.

My other question is, has anyone else done this or is currently planning a Friday night ceremony/Saturday reception? If so, any general tips?

Don't do this. You have to pick one or the other: private ceremony or big wedding. The ceremony is the important and meaningful part. And it's hella weird to "renew" your vows after a day. Just get married at the Saturday event or skip the Saturday event. But you can't have both.

Seriously, think about the message this sends. "You are not worthy of being invited to witness my important life event, but I will allow you to come to a party to celebrate the thing you were excluded from."

When I hear this, I wonder what the benefit is of the Fri/Sat setup vs just having a casual wedding/reception all on Sat?!?

I am only down with a private ceremony when a person's religion mandates doing it that way. I know Mormons often have strict policies about that sort of thing.

OliviaP, I'm not having a shower. I've always disliked showers for anything. So we weren't planning to register anyways. We also are very into secondhand shopping to curb our carbon footprint so the idea of getting new things is horrifying to me.

I want to use a different officiant, so I think we'll just do that and save any drama from having one uncle/aunt there.

Thanks!

I disagree with @SPG. As long as the Friday ceremony is truly small and immediate family only I think it's fine. This means your and your FS's parents, siblings, and your uncle marrying you and his spouse.

I don't think you can draw a hard line saying private ceremonies are only for religious people.

As for the Saturday reception, as long as it is hosted well (catered food, alcohol open in some way, and appropriate temperature regulation) you should be fine. No mention of gifts anywhere and I'd highly recommend not registering anywhere.

I'm actually doing the same thing as you! We're having as small ceremony on a Friday for religious reasons (not Mormon but Lutheran), and big reception on Saturday. My advice would be don't renew your vows on the Saturday reception. If you have your FH's uncle officiate the wedding, you would probably have to invite other aunts and uncles as to not appear rude. We're not sending out STDs for wedding ceremony or reception as it would complicate things. We are setting up registry for our close family members who have already expressed wanting to give a gift but I think writing on invitations or rather the description card about not wanting gifts would be very appropriate. As long as your reception is well hosted, you shouldn't run into many problems. Be aware there will always be people in some way offended but it's your wedding, and it should be something you're comfortable/happy with. Good luck on your wedding!

Elizabeth, are you fully hosting the Saturday event? Like catering/alcohol etc? Or is the Saturday thing more of a potluck/BYOB event?

Don't put "no gifts" on the invitation. It's rude to refer to gifts in any way on the invitation.

Jacks, we are considering either way. I like the idea of potluck, I've always dreamed of that for my wedding to be honest. But my fiance is leaning toward catered. We'd supply alcohol. If we did a potluck we'd supply main dishes and just ask for sides or desserts.

So I am going to pull this thread. There is so much negativity on these posts. Way more than I ever anticipated or asked for. Thanks weddingwire, but no thanks. Think outside of the box people.

I don't think it's rude IF the Saturday event is properly hosted. That means professionally catered.

ETA: you're goin to pull the thread because a few people told you to pay for catering for the event to celebrate our wedding??

If you don't cater the Saturday event, it's just a picnic. You're not getting married there or even hosting the event. It's just a picnic at the park.

Well yeah, that IS rude. You don't invite people to bring food to a party planned to celebrate something they weren't invited to. I wouldn't do that.

Honestly, it does look like a gift grab, especially since you're not really "hosting" the Saturday event.

Who was rude to you? I don't see any rude posts here.

I agree with the rude comments. I've seen a lot of those.

On this thread, Willie? Usually rude comments are flagged if they violate the community guidelines.

Could you do a ceremony element at the Saturday reception, such as a reading or a benediction? For example, Mormons often do ring ceremonies during the reception, as exchanging of rings isn't part of the temple ceremony. Muslim weddings are usually just receptions as well; typically the bride and groom and a witness or two have a brief ceremony with the imam a week or so beforehand.