SMALL CEREMONY...BIG RECEPTION OR CUT THE LIST??

Cut the list, whomever is invited to the reception needs to get an invite to the ceremony. A Reception is a "Thank you for attending our wedding", it doesn't make much sense to do a tiered wedding and is considered rude and greedy.

Tiered weddings are bad; do not make guests feel second choice. But the ceremony is about you and your FI, so keeping it intimate is a valid choice. You are absolutely correct in wanting the 35 person option. If you truly make the ceremony immediate family only, then I would not be offended as a guest. Really the reception is where you spend the most per guest, so this is not like you are trying to cheap out.

However, I will say that I was invited to the reception only for a wedding this April that I assumed would be a small, intimate family only wedding. When we showed up at the reception, the ceremony took place in the same space, we realized that her private ceremony involved over 80 people! The many chairs were still out on the riverfront patio visible from the reception area. To be honest, I felt slighted.

UO but I don't have a problem with more guests being invited to the reception than ceremony. Now, I wouldn't do it the other way around though...nor invite some folks to the dinner reception n then others to the post dinner portion of a reception...that, to me, is a tiered reception n bad taste.

Idk why people necessarily think you always just want presents. Not everyone brings them and not everyone expects them. I've been to either a wedding only or reception only and still brought a gift because I was celebrating a marriage. Doesn't bother me either way.

If you want to do this, where you have a small ceremony and a larger reception, the only way to do it without being rude is to have an immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) only ceremony. Otherwise, it's considered rude, because you're telling gusts that they weren't good enough to see you get married, "picking favorites" as you put it. However, I will say that as a guest, I would be much less likely to be offended by a small immediate family only ceremony, followed by a big reception than I would be being invited to the ceremony only. But I might side-eye you a little.

This is rude. It's like saying you don't get to actually SEE us get married (ya know, the whole point of the day) but you can still come to the party and bring a gift.

You can do a small ceremony if it's truly private, as in your immediate family; it's not considered a tiered reception and it's not rude.

You can't invite half of the guests to the ceremony. It only makes sense if it's truly, truly private.

If it was not plainly stated that it was immediate family only at ceremony and the rest would be at reception. I would feel like why am I important enough to go to the main event, the event portion that I would want to see.

If I got an invite saying something along the lines of come to the reception but not the ceremony, I would more than likely not attend. The ceremony is the important part and if I wasn't invited, I would think you only wanted my money/gifts and that doesn't sit well with me.

Every one at the wedding then the reception i have about 87-90 coming to mine

I would rather know that my friends got married and had the small wedding they wanted and could afford, without me, than to get an invitation to just the reception. The exception to this is where the couple has a tiny Destination Wedding, then hosts a large reception locally.

Maybe it's just where I'm from but I have been to so many receptions where I missed the wedding whether it was a schedule conflict or not getting invited. Was I upset I missed the actually ceremony? Nope. The reception is the most enjoyable part for your guest so I'd say go ahead with the small wedding big party! The only people who might not like this are those from a ways out of town but they will most likely understand!

Chelle, the key there is that you chose to miss the ceremony.

So i talked to my Fh and he said that there is about 25 people he would want to spend the day with and I know this is a lie lol. I know his mom had about 50 people she wants to invite alone on top of whoever we invite. This is why to me it's better just to keep the ceremony private and small so everyone has the option to celebrate. Bring a present dont bring a present idc about that. it's not an issue. I'm going to talk to him again today and get this together. thanks everyone

Keep the ceremony private and small. Do the smallest number option above.

Then you can invite whoever to the reception.