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Just Said Yes August 2022

Skip bachelorette?

Annie, on March 25, 2022 at 12:29 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

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Hi all, I am a bride but this is about being in another wedding. I am a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding for this upcoming summer. We used to be close but not for the past few years so I was a bit surprised when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I am happy to be by her side. She is 29 and has had all the same friends (her other BMs) since high school. They were the popular girls so they are still trying to relive those days. Now, the other bridesmaids have been rude to me throughout the whole planning process. When we were planning the shower, I would offer ideas and no one would answer. I would ask questions and no one would answer. I had to split the costs of what others bought for the shower but no one answered when I asked to split costs for what I bought. At the day of the shower we were supposed to arrive by 9am to set up. I arrived a little before 9 and no one showed up except for the grooms mom until 1045, when it was starting at 11. I also was in charge of prizes for the games and I sent pics of the prizes when picking them out for input and one BM told me they were stupid and they never ended up giving them out at the shower. The bachelorette party is this weekend and it’s making me so anxious thinking of going. It is a 4 hour drive from where I live and again no one has been answering my messages. It appears that I am driving up alone but no one sent me the address yet. One of the girls messaged in the group chat that a few of them already called dibs on the beds so then there’s a pullout couch left for a few girls and that I would need to bring an air mattress. I don’t have an air mattress and they only gave me a 24 hour notice to buy one. Im concerned where I will sleep if I don’t have one. Anyways, I’m asking if you all think it’s rude if I skip out on the bachelorette party and say my fiancé has covid or something.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Peyton, on March 26, 2022 at 11:51 PM

Super August 2022
Samantha · on March 25, 2022 at 12:39 PM
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I personally would pass. I would reach out to the bride personally (maybe after the fact if that makes you more comfortable) to explain your real reasons for not going (if you want to, that is). But as far as giving them a reason why you can't go - in this situation you can absolutely just say you got sick or something came up. If you can, maybe make sure you've covered your portion of the costs (I know, it sucks), just so that's one less piece of ammo for the mean girls.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 25, 2022 at 12:43 PM
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That shower sounds so uncomfortable. So sorry you had to experience that. Follow your gut and not attend. If you were unwelcome at a simple 2 hour party, a weekend destination with nowhere to escape this Mean Girls environment is going to be a living nightmare no matter how much you love the bride. At the wedding, you have a place to escape them. At a destination bachelorette you are trapped if you choose to attend. Unfortunately people don’t take any of the personality differences into consideration with the new universal expectations that everyone be excited about these trips that they make a destination bachelorette extremely uncomfortable instead of fun.
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Super September 2022
Sarah · on March 25, 2022 at 12:44 PM
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I agree with this. I think you should still cover your portion of the costs since it’s last minute, but it sounds like you would be miserable if you went. Maybe take the bride out on another occasion just the 2 of your to make it up to her.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Annie · on March 25, 2022 at 12:47 PM
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Thanks. I did already pay my share. $200 plus a few apps I made because one girl forgot to make a reservation until it was too late. Not too much to lose.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 25, 2022 at 1:00 PM
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Etiquette according to Miss Manners and Emily Post says that if you are not attending the bachelorette, you are not responsible for covering any costs of an event you are not participating in. If they didn’t like that, they should have been more welcoming leading up to now. What’s done is done, but you did not need to pay the other bridesmaids a single dime for a party you will not be at. Every budget is different so $200 out of pocket is just change for some and vital for everyday living expenses for someone else.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on March 25, 2022 at 1:00 PM
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I would pass. Wow, they all sound awful. I wouldn't want to spend time with them on vacation, nope.
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Just Said Yes August 2022
Annie · on March 25, 2022 at 1:06 PM
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Thanks, Michelle. I don’t think $200 is nothing, but it’s not my rent. However, I did already pay for the Airbnb and horseback riding as I was planning on going. I think the whole bed thing was just a final straw for me. So I’m thinking I stay home and am out $200 or I go and am probably not having fun and need to pay for food and drinks and other activities.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on March 25, 2022 at 1:47 PM
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To be honest, at this point I'm not sure I'd even attend the wedding as a bridesmaid. You're known by the friends you keep, and the bride's friends are awful. I definitely wouldn't attend the bachelorette. You have better things to do than hang out with the high school clique that still thinks they're the cool kids who are better than everyone else.
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on March 25, 2022 at 1:56 PM
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I would be livid if I was asked to chip in for an AirBnb and was then told a bed was not even available for me?? I would definitely skip it, it sounds like you would be miserable. In the words of Marcia Brady, "Something suddenly came up!"
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on March 25, 2022 at 3:48 PM
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Ugh that sounds awful. The petty side in me would be SUPER tempted to not show up and just not say anything since they've been so unresponsive to you. Or to text them day-of and say you can't make it since nobody sent you the address. But what you decide to tell them aside, I'd skip it. You've gone above and beyond by setting up the whole bridal shower and contributing to the bachelorette party, and it sounds like it would be a miserable trip. I'd also recommend speaking to the bride at some point and telling her that while you appreciate being her bridesmaid and are excited for her, the behavior from her other bridesmaids has really been an issue. Not sure if there's any other pre-wedding events planned, but I'd be super leery about spending any more time or money on anything involving them at this point.
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Rockstar July 2018
Mcskipper · on March 25, 2022 at 4:21 PM
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They sound like mean girls. There is no way I would go and put myself through that.
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Devoted April 2023
Peyton · on March 26, 2022 at 11:51 PM
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I think you should skip the bachelorette party and the wedding. I would tell the bride that you just don’t feel comfortable around the other ladies and I would ask her if you could just attend as a guest.
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