So my youner sister recently got engaged. We are very close, she is the God mother to all 3 of my kids. She is planning to have 7 people in her wedding party. 2 of which are my teenage daughters. I also found out that her finance doesnt have enough friends to ask so she is wanting my girls to stand up with him to make the pictures look even. I am devastated I didn't make the top 7 of her list of important women in her life. I am also hurt that she wants my girls to stand with him and not her. I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check to go dress shopping this weekend. What do I do??
Think of it this way... she wants them standing with THEM. Not just her. They are getting married, and she wants them to be a part of their marriage. Regarding your situation, I can 100% empathize with how you are feeling. But it isn't that you didn't make the list of the 7 most important women in her life. She wanted many of the women in her life, and what shows more respect to you than having the children that you love more than anything in this world up there with her. She is honoring you and your family by showing that your family is so important and part of her new family bond. You being upset is totally understandable so acknowledge that. But also take this as an opportunity to support her and show her that your relationship is so close, that you will take a step back to allow her to have others in her life. You are important, and values, which is why she is having your children standing with her. Just because you aren't in matching dresses with them doesn't mean you are any less important. Take the opportunity to just enjoy the day, and watch your favorite people up there.
I totally agree with Becca. She might think that this is a better way to honor you, and not put you on the spot to have to wear an awkward bridesmaid dress and stand the whole time and with all the responsibilities, and all the $$ you will have to spend anyway because your daughters will have to buy the dress, shoes, HAMU, etc. This might be her way of letting you off the hook for so much money...
I'm so sorry you feel hurt Catharina! But I agree with Becca and Alexandra, and don't think that this was an intentional slight or a statement that you are not one of the 7 most important people in her life! I think it's really touching that she wants to include your daughters in a special way, and it sounds like she's a pretty awesome god mother! Definitely don't overthink the picture taking part - that just sounds like posing logistics!
Wedding planning is a really delicate balance of wanting to include everyone without hurting anyone's feelings or asking too much of your family and friends (whether that's travel, time, money spent, etc). That can make it really complicated when you're trying to understand the reason behind some decisions! Maybe she thought you would feel weird wearing a matching dress with your daughters? Maybe she thinks being a bridesmaid is way more fun as a teenager than as an adult? Maybe she only thought about bridesmaids in the traditional "maids" sense, and not married matrons as well! Maybe she already thought you had a special role in the wedding because you're family and will be in family pictures and automatically invited to pre-wedding events like the shower and rehearsal dinner, and was thinking about how to include the rest of your family in a special way?
I'd try to just focus on being supportive and helpful during the dress shopping trip this weekend. Trust me - having a helpful hand throughout the planning process is way more valuable!
Is she wanting to use your two girls specifically to make it look even? As opposed to just asking you then it would still be uneven?
I would be hurt if my sister didn't ask me to be in her bridal party honestly. By her asking your two daughters, you'll now be responsible for buying two dresses, shoes, accessories, etc as well as making sure they are at any event she'd want them at (try on dresses, her picking the bridal dress, shower, bachelorette party, etc) given they are young.
I'd also find it odd for my daughters to stand on the grooms side, when they are family to the bride just to make it look even. Even wedding parties aren't a big thing anymore.
Why don’t you just talk to her and explain nicely how you feel about it? An honest conversation is sometimes all it’s needed. We can’t expect other people to read our thoughts & feelings, so without open conversation things just stay unresolved & cause all this maybe unnecessary hurt, anger, disappointment etc.