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Beginner September 2017

Sisters in Wedding Party

Sarah, on November 19, 2016 at 5:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

Help! I have been struggling with this since I was engaged. There is a huge age difference between me and my two older sisters. They are 35 and 34. My eldest sister thinks she is my maid of honor and my other sister thinks she is too. I don't want to be a mean bride but I feel their age difference will make them stand out from the other bridesmaids and my oldest sister and my fiance do not get along. We have also grown apart over the years. I want to keep both of my sisters out of the wedding party and make them guests of honor but everyone is saying I have an obligation to have them in the wedding party? Is it wrong to not have them in the party but have them as guests of honor. I mean I'm still honoring them just I don't want them to be mad with my decision. What should I do?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Stacey, on May 30, 2019 at 6:22 PM
  • RealLindseyO
    Master October 2017
    RealLindseyO ·
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    It sounds like you don't want them in your bridal party because they're "too old"? Surely you can't mean that. You don't have to include anyone you don't want to include, but damn.

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    One, their age difference has nothing to do with the situation. It's irrelevant to the situation and mean to say, regardless if you didn't mean to sound that way or not. They're people, not props for your pictures.

    Two, if you don't want them in the wedding party, they can serve as ushers or do a reading during the ceremony. You don't have to have them in your wedding party just because they're your sisters.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
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    Do you have to have your sisters in your wedding party? NO.

    Is it weird AF that one of the reasons you don't want them in your wedding party is because they look older than your other BMs? YES.

    I mean, I think it's weird no matter what their age, but they are only 34 and 35!! How old are the other BMs? Is 10-12 years really that much of a difference to you? WTF???

    That being said, if you don't want them in because you aren't close to them or they don't like your FH, then THAT is a reason not to have them.

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  • Ann
    VIP November 2017
    Ann ·
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    I don't think it's wrong to not have them in your wedding party but I think the reason for not having them in it is wrong.

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  • S
    Beginner September 2017
    Sarah ·
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    Okay so maybe I worded it wrong the age thing is not important to me but my oldest sister is the one that doesn't like my fiance my other sister does. I don't want to choose between the two. Their age has nothing to do with it but I meant the age difference has been an issue our whole lives all our likes and dislikes are all different.

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  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
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    ...that's how people work.

    Some people like some things you do. Some people don't like some things you do. That's life.

    My siblings and I do not like all of the same things. I'm eight years older than my youngest sibling. Do we like all the same things? No. Do we like some of the same things? Yes. I think you're fretting about the age thing too much because it's really not a big deal and also irrelevant to the question of how you should honor them at the wedding.

    If you don't want them in the wedding party, have them be ushers or readers. Or, have them in the bridal party, but don't have a MOH at all. That's also acceptable.

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  • Mai-Tai
    VIP April 2017
    Mai-Tai ·
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    I can understand not wanting your sisters as bridesmaids because you may want others, but to say that the age difference, that they're 'too old' is offensive to me, and is rude AF.

    I'm 47 years old, one of my best friends is 30 years old, she is a BM in my wedding, and I'm a BM in her wedding. It never crossed our minds of our age difference, and why should it.

    Lucky for me that I look young for my age. I wouldn't want to look like the MOB on the day my best friend gets married.

    Attaching a pic of me and my gf, who, btw, is 17 years my junior.


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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    Me and my oldest sister are 16 years apart and had I not gone to the courthouse, she would have been a BM no questions asked. I'm a firm believer that you should at least extend the invitation to your siblings/FI's siblings to be in the BP unless you're actively feuding. That's just my opinion, which a lot of people here don't really agree with. Just don't have a MOH if it's that big of a deal.

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  • PerfectlyPolin
    VIP September 2017
    PerfectlyPolin ·
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    Do you have to have them in your wedding party? No. Should their age be the reason they are excluded? Also no. But then again no one here knows your relationship with them so it is purely your call!

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  • Natasha
    VIP January 2017
    Natasha ·
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    They dont have to be in your wedding party if you dont want them to. Age is nothing but a number and it shouldnt exclude a person from being apart of a BP.

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  • G
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Gabrielle ·
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    Absolutely not. It is your wedding that you are paying for. They may be upset but you can't let that affect you and your wedding. The goal is for you and your future husband to be happy so you have to do whatever it takes to make that happen! Hope everything works out for you! Smiley smile

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  • S
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Stacey ·
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    Age isn't a reason to exclude someone. However, there may be more to it than that. My sister is significantly older than me. I made her my matron of honor. And now that we're getting close to the shower and the wedding, it seems that she is resenting not knowing current trends and gets very sensitive when anybody tries to offer advice. Maybe that is what the original poster is getting at?

    Anyways, even with what I'm dealing with, I would say still include your sisters in your bridal party. I think not including them will cause even more drama that you really do not need to deal with right now. However, like someone else mentioned, no one else here knows your relationship with them, so it is your call.

    Also for MOH advice, pick someone who is going to be happy helping you plan and being you're right hand woman. You will need that support.

    **edit: just realized how old this post is, sorry!**

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