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Expert August 2012

Sister's In-Laws at Shower?

Christa, on May 17, 2012 at 11:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Yesterday, I received a text from my sister (a bridesmaid) asking if her in-laws (mother & sister) were invited to my bridal shower because they were inquiring about my registries (my sister and her in-laws live in Boston, I live in Minneapolis). I am grateful that they are interested in celebrating my marriage; however, my MOH is hosting my bridal shower and she requested that only aunts, cousins and my friends be invited to keep the costs down. I called her to tell her that unfortunately they would not be receiving invitations (my MOH mailed the shower invitations on Monday from Denver). She was disappointed and insisted that I have my MOH send invitations to her in-laws regardless because they will not be attending the shower (her MIL is invited to our wedding reception, but her SIL is not). Last week, when I shared the shower invitation guest list with my mother before sending it to my MOH, she asked if 2 family members could be replaced by 2 of her friends.

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Expert August 2012
Christa · on May 17, 2012 at 11:01 AM
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I replied no, and explained that my MOH requested family and my friends only.

My sister is upset (she ended the phone call by requesting that we “just forget that we had this conversation”). I attempted to explain to her that it is not proper etiquette to invite a guest to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding (our guest list has already ballooned from 180 to 210; but that is another post) But, I feel that my mother would be upset if she were to learn that my sister’s in-laws received invitations, but not her friends. What should I do?
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Master June 2012
Mrs. M fka Sami B · on May 17, 2012 at 11:13 AM
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It'd probably had been easier if your MOH had set a number limit to allow for some flexibility in the guest list.

Quite a boggle all around though. I invited all of my sister's immediate in-laws because I've been to all of their weddings so I'm not sure what advice to give on that.
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Expert August 2012
Christa · on May 17, 2012 at 11:21 AM
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Yes, I can call my MOH. However, I cannot guarantee that the 2 family members will not attend. Besides, I feel that FMIL would be extremely upset if my mother's friends were invited and her friends were not invited (both mothers are more than welcome to host their own showers and invite their friends).

I do not know if SIL knows that she is not on the guest list (I have only seen SIL once in my lifetime-at my sister's wedding). From what I know of SIL, I assume that she is not expecting an invitiation, but rather is just wanting to extend her well wishes.
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