Sister/moh bringing a friend as a plus one

I don’t think your reservations are reasonable. She’s spending money to be in and travel to your wedding. She should be able to bring someone with her, epecially if everyone else in the WP will have their SOs there with them. I’m actually of the belief that for DW, all single people should get a plus 1 because they’re taking time and money (sometimes a lot of it) to attend. The least they can do is have a travel companion.

View Quoted Comment You're right. She has been amazing through this with me and has gone above and beyond. She does deserve it. I know I was just being a selfish sister and needed to hear it from someone other than my mom lol the conversations haven't been elaborate about bringing her yet but when it does I'll be open minded.

I feel like while your busy with specifics (which I'm sure she'll be there for as well) she would want someone to have there with her. Everyone else is in a relationship and she doesn't want to feel like the odd man out. Maybe her having her friend there will keep her in a happy mood. Sometime's singles feel bummed out "by themselves" at weddings because it reminds them of love and partnership.

View Quoted Comment That's true. I was thinking about all the things we would be able to do together and didn't think about all the down time she would have. And I've gone to weddings that I wasn't given a plus one and it is awkward so I wouldn't want her having that feeling at all.

Coming from a younger sister, the youngest out of three I understand where you are coming from and it’s okay to have selfish thoughts at times. You just want all her attention for you. But I agree with previous post, she should be able to bring someone to share her time if she is single. You might be preoccupied with other things and at least have someone to spend time with.

I get how you feel but typically moh and bms can have plus ones regardless dw or not. easier said than done but just consider if she were married- would you expect her to leave her husband behind? i know it’s not the same thing- but maybe that’ll help a little? you seem to understand other posters & their views so i’m positive everything will work out for you. and i’m sure your sister will still help you wherever needed. 🤗

Eh, I understand where you are coming from. My 3 sisters are my BMs, and 2 of them were originally going to be bringing friends as their "plus ones". One of the plus ones dropped out now, so it's just one extra friend. In the grand scheme of things, I don't really think it's a big deal anymore. I was kind of irked at first when I heard they wanted to do this because it meant those friends would be around in the days leading up to the wedding and on the wedding day.

If you are important to your sister (which it sounds like you are), she will make plenty of time for you before and on your wedding day even if she has a friend there. I would definitely extend a +1 especially considering the relationship dynamics of the rest of the bridal party. If there are a few things that you want to do with just your sister, you could also mention them to her so that she understands your expectations. I have a sister who gets mopey when we don’t do _x_ with her or for her, even though she never said anything about it.

I get you 100%. When I asked my sister to be in my bridal party she wouldn’t stop talking about her (at that time new) boyfriend. Finally I broke it down for her and just said, “of course he is welcome but I just want you to know it’s a big day for me and I expect you to be there and be present with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pay attention to me and not him all day or vice versa. However, If you chose to be in my party I’m gunna ask you to not ditch me all morning, or be on your phone texting him all morning. I’ll want you to enjoy getting ready and taking pictures and stuff with us.” She then asked me if he could be there with us in the morning and I politely said, “I’ll be in a bath robe and trying to get ready and it’s nothing against him but I really just want the people I’m closest with to be there.”. So she told me she didn’t want to be in it because I was “too ruley”. I told her I respect her honesty and I am happy that she will get to enjoy the day as a guest with her boyfriend and left it at that.
Months later she came back at me mad I didn’t make her a bridesmaid. She didn’t talk to be for months. We are good now though. I took the being honest and up front method and I’m happy I did because it would’ve really hurt my feelings if she blew me off all day on my wedding day to be with him (she’s always been like that so it’s a fair accusation to make). I suggest taking the honest approach because then you both know what each other expects.

View Quoted Comment I'm the youngest out of 3 too! I'm used to having her as my wedding date to family weddings so now it's weird to think that it's my own wedding so it's totally different. Which of course sounds ridiculous now that I'm saying it "out loud" lol

View Quoted Comment Omg yes I am so happy to have this community to bring me back to reality when I need it lol

View Quoted Comment It's nice to hear that others understand where I'm coming from! I just have to remind myself I will be busy doing little things where she could really use having her own company there.

View Quoted Comment That's awful it didn't go as smoothly as it should have but I understand sometimes that pushes people away. I definitely plan to be upfront with her and tell her my expectations because like your sister, she can get side tracked with others around too.

I get what you are saying and I think that maybe you should talk with your sister about the plans for stuff leading up to the wedding. Make it known to her that you want to spend time with her before the wedding and that way she knows (not just implied) that her friend will have to hang out alone for a bit during the prep stuff. My sister is single as well and she is my BM and my HMU person. I'm allowing her to bring a plus one if she desires, but the plus one will be expected to show up at the same time as all other guests and not hanging around the venue all day before hand.

I was also in a wedding about a year and a half ago while I was in a steady relationship with my now FH, and I got a ride with another BM to the venue in the morning and then my BF drove up to the venue at the normal time for all other guests. I rode back to our hotel with my BF.

I understand some circumstances are different for DW, but that is just what I would prefer.

ETA: If she was married or in a solid relationship, her partner wouldn't be there the morning of for getting ready and such. I would treat it the same way. She can have her friend at the wedding and sit with them for the reception and such, but she is still expected to be part of the bridal party and present for it all.

It’s your wedding, do what you want!


One of my bridesmaids (was dating someone, isn’t anymore) asked me the other day if she could bring a friend from work who I’ve never met. We’re having a small wedding of 50 people tops. She’s staying at my house for 3 days before the wedding, then at a beach house I rented for the wedding for like 4 days after that. I said I wasn’t comfortable with that and her plus one was meant to be for a date.
That may be petty to some people, but honestly the day is about the couple and if they want everything about them, then let it be that way!