Sister in law’s unsolicited opinions

Let her know firmly and politely that you have everything handled. Learn how to set and maintain boundaries with consequences and your fiancé needs to support you as a united front. If she (or anyone else) doesn’t listen to you, then he needs to repeat it himself to her and shut down the discussion by walking away, hanging up the phone, whatever necessary. Get practice in now before the wedding because it will only get worse with other demands afterwards that are no one’s business.


If the other bridesmaids, groomsmen are at the head table, then it is very exclusionary to not allow the teenagers as well. What makes them not welcome in the group because you decided to give them ceremony roles?

I fully agree that underage guests have no business being in a bar. If they are in the wedding party, are you doing anything age appropriate to make them feel included, or pictures only? 12 and 15 is super old for flower girls and that age is usually a junior bridesmaid if they have any role at all.

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I couldn't have said it better myself. The part about the party bus would definitely be inappropriate since there is drinking and stopping at a bar. Boundaries, boundaries, and boundaries. Congratulations by the way!!!

Yeah... very inappropriate.

View Quoted Comment I agree, if they have a role in the ceremony, they should be at the head table. However, yes, they are too young to be on a party bus. I feel that is very inappropriate.

Is she in the wedding party too? I dunno if kinda sounds like maybe she wants too be included on the party bus and instead of just saying that she's using the flower girl's as in. If the head table is a sweetheart table with just you and your spouse I wouldn't include the flower girls but if the rest of the bp is sitting at the head table they should be invited too as well. Definitely have a conversation with her, I ve never heard of a bp stopping at bars before the reception so maybe she doesn't realize that's a part of the plan. Best of luck to you!

View Quoted Comment Flower girls are never placed at a head table.

My main reason for not having them up front is the 15 y/o does not do well with large crowds as she is on the spectrum I do not want to overwhelm her as our wedding is fairly large. The 12 y/o does not like to sit in one spot for a long period of time, she has a tendency to like to sit in the bathroom on her phone when around people as well. I’ve done a lot of things to make them feel included in my wedding. They’ve helped set up my bridal shower, they’ve done painting pottery at my bachelorette party, they’re getting ready with us girls the morning of, etc. In no way am I wanting to exclude them but knowing these girls the most logical thing in my fiancés and bridesmaids opinion is to not have them sit at head table. But like I said I personally have never seen flower girls at the head table that’s why I envisioned them not being up there🤔

View Quoted Comment She knows the plan for the bus, she’s in the wedding party herself. She mentioned before when I booked the party bus that her husband would take the girls to the cocktail hour while we are gone and they would be with him and grandparents. I’m not sure of her sudden change in mind honestly

View Quoted Comment At every wedding I ve been too usually if a flower girl isn't sitting at the head table with the rest of the bp it's because they are very young (under 5) and seated with their parents, I was a flower girl as a young child and I sat at the head table and it felt very special.. If their mom is also in the bridal party is she sitting at the head table if so I d definitely sit them with her at the head table . If it's a large wedding they will be a part of a big crowd regardless of the table they are sitting at. It can be so hard to please everyone but best of luck to you 💜

Where is the husband sitting during the reception? If not sitting at a King's table (WP + partners) why can't the girls sit with him?

Let your SIL deal with her own childcare. But if she cannot, you may have to consider proposing 1 or all to step down because they need to pay more attention/ sit with/ be mindful of their own family. Or SIL doesn't go on the party bus. While you should have thought about how they would be split up for the day as the Host, you essentially aren't responsible for someone else's family.

I would call them junior bridesmaids and either seat the girls with both of their parents or with kids their own age. I’m personally not a big fan of head tables that split up couples.


As for party buses and bar hopping immediately following a wedding ceremony, is this necessary? I’d save that for an after party, preferring to enjoy my own cocktail reception, greet and host my guests, and have more time for photos.

I’ve seen flower girls at the head table, so I would stop using that as your excuse. Just tell their mom you don’t think they’d be comfortable and why. It shows you’re thinking of them as individuals instead of props.


I agree it would be weird for them to be on the party bus, though I’m also confused about when and where the party bus is used. Are you riding around on it after the ceremony while all your guests are waiting on you? That sounds weird. Anyway, I’d just deflect and say no one under 21 is allowed on the party bus, period.

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I had the same question, but I was assuming the party bus was not between the ceremony and the reception, is it after the reception? What are your guests going to do while you're on the party bus?

I too think it would be inappropriate to have children on the party bus for a bar crawl, and that's the reasonable stand to take.

Sounds ike you're planning on seating the girl's parents apart from each other for the reception? Could they not just sit with their Dad? I don't get the reasoning behind this.

View Quoted Comment OP said the party bus follows the ceremony and that the original plan was to have the husband take the girls to the cocktail party while they are away, presumably bar hopping.

View Quoted Comment They would be sitting with their dad, half brother and grandparents at the reserved family table up front.

View Quoted Comment We’ll more so be taking pictures and then stopping at a bar or two if time allows.

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How long is your cocktail hour planned for? It's usually around an hour. I'm concerned that you may not have enough time for bar hopping along with photos. I guess that you could just drop the bar part if you run out of time. I would have assumed any extra time would be spent with the guests instead, that's why I was confused.