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Beginner September 2020

Sister in law's boyfriend not invited

Mimi, on July 15, 2020 at 1:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16

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Hello ladies!!!
FH and I have been together for almost 9 years! We got engage 4 years ago and are finally getting closer to our special day 9.12.2020
We wanted to work hard to have the wedding we wanted, to also take any stress off his family (mom) and our friends shoulders!We are paying for ABSOLUTELY everything!My mom isn't here (out of the country) and my 3 siblings are already part of the bridal party and also my FH sister.
His sister (SIL) has been dating this new guy and just celebrated 1 year together and the only reason we know is Because of Facebook, mind you we live in the same town about 10 mins from each other. Nobody else gets a plus one unless we know them, my siblings girlfriends that we don't know aren't invited.I just told my SIL on Sunday when she asked if he was invited and I had already told her mom when I pass the SAVE THE DATE back in March he wasn't invited, I'm sorry he's not!She was like I don't know what to tell him, -I said you've been with him for a whole year yet he hasn't met your dad or your only brother?Why would he be invited?BTW he has been invited to her twins birthday party, Christmas and my daughters birthday party HE NEVER came & when we asked? Her answer was he's not ready and his scared to meet you all. So why would he be excited to meet us now? 2 months before the wedding WHEN WE ARE WEDDING PLANNING LIKE CRAZY AND SUPER BUSY!!!?
My FH, I feel is in the middle of all this and he understands why he's not invited but he don't like confrontation so doesn't know how to talk to his sister about it, My stand is he is not invited!I believe I would be more understanding if they were out of town, they really had a busy life but they are always out eating, SIL lives with my MIL and my MIL basically is raising her 3 kids and MIL has told us the boyfriend is happy as long as the kids aren't around, YOU hardly ever see pictures of the kids with them and anybody that knows me I've done and would do ABSOLUTELY anything for my Nephews!I have a whole an other story about them (nephews) but not the space for it, they're only 4 & 3 and they'll be my Ring Bearers 💙💙💙 As a latina woman this is disrespectful to her dad and brother they have been dating for a year and he has had the opportunity to meet us YET he's choose not to and now out of the blue he's excited I'm confused :/
Any advice please and thank you!?

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Chrysta, on July 15, 2020 at 6:43 PM

Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 15, 2020 at 2:00 PM
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Honestly, I think you could be kind and considerate in answering her question. It seems to me that you’ve already passed a lot of judgment about her relationship with him. I think you could explain your “policy” of not inviting +1’s for anyone you haven’t met to manage the guest list, and that’s fair.
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Beginner September 2020
Mimi · on July 15, 2020 at 2:08 PM
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Thanks Marisa!
I did talk to her on Sunday and answer her question but I Def think we need to sit down and talk.
I feel bad if it looks like I am judging her relationship thats not my goal and I also know my hunny doesn't need this drama.My other bridesmaids know of this guy as much as we do and they agree he shouldn't be invited and my Bridesmaids are all adults, mothers and unconditionally supportive!
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 15, 2020 at 2:11 PM
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Awe that’s good! I think it’s good to have a heart-to-heart and just be kind about it, and give her the reasoning so she can explain it to him. That way, hopefully, no one’s feelings get hurt, you don’t have to feel stressed or guilty about it either
The last things you need at this time is unnecessary stress!
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Beginner September 2020
Mimi · on July 15, 2020 at 2:13 PM
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I appreciate your words!
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 15, 2020 at 2:14 PM
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Of course 💕
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VIP February 2020
Julie · on July 15, 2020 at 3:19 PM
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Etiquette dictates that couples are a social unit. It doesn't matter if you don't know them, or if they've only been exclusive for x amount of time. They're NOT a +1 if there's a relationship that exists. I feel the same way about your siblings whose significant others aren't invited. It's not really up to you to judge a relationship based on parameters you make up. Yes, it's your wedding, but you're asking for advice, and I already think you've breached etiquette by not inviting the significant others of your close family. What you're going to have, as a result, are hurt feelings, division among family/friends, and drama. Based on your post, that has already begun.
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Beginner September 2020
Mimi · on July 15, 2020 at 3:25 PM
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I truly believe my our feelings were hurt a long time ago, and honestly I don't want to make my wedding a war =(
She got married a few years ago and we were not invited or told till 5 months later
This is a new guy and I don't know him and I honestly feel I just have my guard up My siblings didn't have a problem with it because they also have their own issues and were totally understandable.
I appreciate it the advice.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on July 15, 2020 at 3:35 PM
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I agree! A significant other isn't a plus one. Plus ones are solely for people that are single. I think by not allowing siblings to bring their significant others will add on more stress and drama rather than take away from it. Whether you've met her boyfriend or not, I feel is irrelevant. You're asking your guests to come celebrate your relationship, but choosing not to honor theirs. Your siblings might not have said for fear of upsetting you. I know I would 100% be upset if someone told me that my husband couldn't attend their wedding with me.
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Beginner September 2020
Mimi · on July 15, 2020 at 3:37 PM
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I will take any advice into consideration because that's what my Momma thought me listen and consider So thank you all!
I am not a bridezilla by any means I am going to sit down with my FH family and talk about it that's why I asked for advice.

So thank you all!
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Beginner September 2020
Mimi · on July 15, 2020 at 3:40 PM
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Clearly I am upset and hurt because all along
When we invited him to celebrate with us
He wasn't ready, soccer games on TV were more important. I feel my wedding is more Important that him Def 100%
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Devoted October 2021
Fany · on July 15, 2020 at 3:43 PM
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I'm with you, I wouldn't invite him. I refuse to pay a bunch of excess money for someoneI don't know and on top of that they had refused to meet me several times. Nope, not today.
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on July 15, 2020 at 4:09 PM
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A relationship is a relationship regardless of what you think about it or whether you have met the person or not. Plus ones are for truly single people. Social units should be invited together. To be honest, and I'm sorry if this comes off as rude...but the way you are talking and judging their relationship...I would be hesitant to want to meet you if I were him. It's incredibly rude and disrespectful to expect people to come celebrate your marriage/relationship when you don't have the common courtesy to respect theirs.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on July 15, 2020 at 4:27 PM
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I read all of the comments in here and I can see your perspective. If you feel that something is off about him then I understand. Truthfully I totally agree that it is odd that he hasn't wanted to meet you in the past so maybe that's something to bring up to your future sister-in-law and ask her well why is he comfortable coming now in front of a bunch of people he doesn't now? There are a lot of odd things about her relationship and you don't have to agree with their relationship and I have a lot of Hispanic friends so I get how important family is but that is her relationship and how she chooses to handle it is on her. I will say knowing that you two were not invited to her wedding five years ago it almost sounds as if she's not that close with your brother or something? I would say this if you do allow her boyfriend to come then I feel like you need to open up that rule to a lot of people because as previous people have said if someone is in a relationship then technically they are a social unit and should be allowed to come. I understand you told people and they respect that and that is fine but I know for me if I was told no plus ones but then I see someone that they probably know you don't get along with bring a plus one I'd be bothered so that's just something to take into account. I think it's a good idea that you were going to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her but I would say this you may need to have some stronger reasons as to why he's not allowed to come because at the end of the day like or not she's going to be your sister-in-law and you probably don't want to start your marriage on a bad foot.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on July 15, 2020 at 4:50 PM
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Couples are invited as a social unit. They are not plus ones. Whether you have met them or not is moot because you are asking them to celebrate your relationship while disregarding theirs.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on July 15, 2020 at 6:04 PM
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Your opinion of her relationship isn't relevant to whether or not he's invited. They are a social unit and should be treated as such. He should be invited.
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Master November 2022
Chrysta · on July 15, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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I see this is a complicated situation, and I feel you are justified in your feelings of hurt & disappointment that he hasn’t wanted to meet your family when presented with opportunities in the past. I think this is the perfect opportunity to be the bigger person & show him by example what it is to be warm & inviting. Also, as a person who previously dated an individual with extreme social anxiety, i have learned that seemingly rude or dismissive anti-social behavior is not always what is going on- maybe this guy has some emotional things that make it hard for him. My best advice is to put the past aside and take advantage of the fact that he DOES want to meet your family now. And at your wedding!- what a wonderful thing that your event can possibly bring people together & be the beginning of new relationships moving forward!
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