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Kelsey
VIP September 2020

Sister in law-unwelcoming?

Kelsey, on September 25, 2020 at 1:49 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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So my wedding was about 2 weeks ago. Not much went wrong, but we did have a few incidents with my now sister in law. I have tried so hard to get along with her since I started seeing my now husband. At the gift opening the next day, my SIL insulted my best friend who was my MOH. My MOH is currently pregnant, not showing yet but they have been trying for a few months and are super thrilled about this. When my SIL found out my MOH was pregnant, she sniped "well that was fast" (my MOH and her husband have been married just about a year). I didn't find that comment necessary, but I didn't say anything. My SIL's husband did though when she said and told her that was unnecessary. That led to a big fight during the gift opening between them. My mom was shocked by the behavior.

Now that I have been thinking the last few weeks about the wedding, I realized my sister in law is the only one who didn't say anything like "welcome to the family", "so happy that you are joining our family" or anything of the sort. A lot of my husband's family couldn't attend due to travel bans, but a bunch of his cousins posted things on each mine and my husband's facebook pages or messaged us.

I also found out from one of my husband's friends that she was talking about how much I was drinking that night, what she didn't realize is that I had 2 glasses of white wine then switched to sprite because my stomach was acting up. I'm guessing she assumed that the sprite had vodka in it, but I think with everything going on my stomach started to not feel good so I just drank plain sprite the rest of the night.

I'm trying to let it go, my husband and his sister already have a rocky relationship as it is. So while I'm able to vent to him and talk to him about this issue, I also don't want to cause any problems. But this is bugging me and I don't know what to do. I'm still somewhat hurt about the whole not be welcoming and talking behind my back. Which is not something I'm use to, my friends and I aren't like that.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Minimalist Bride, on October 5, 2020 at 6:40 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I think that this is something that, as a new wife, we overthink about. Some people just aren't super sentimental. I highly doubt that I would approach my brother's brand new wife and welcome her to our family. If you guys have been together for a while, maybe she feels like you're already part of the family.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I guess so. I have only met my SIL a handful of times due to us living in different states. States next to each other but still 8 hours away from one another.

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    Wow, sounds like my new SIL! Ugh, lucky us. She never wished us well, she actually said, “I’m not going to no Covid wedding- who is actually having a Covid wedding.” Disrespect to the fullest. Thank gosh she did not attend our perfect wedding!!!
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    It took a lot of convincing for mine to attend too. Same reasoning because of COVID. We actually were rather surprised she and her family even showed up. They got here Friday morning, and Thursday night she was still sending texts saying she wasn't sure if she was going to come. Imagine our surprise when we got to the venue (it's a hotel with a ballroom) to meet some friends that flew in for breakfast Friday morning and her husband was unpacking their car!

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  • A
    Devoted October 2021
    Adrienne ·
    • Flag

    Dang this is a tough spot to be in. I'm sorry she said snide comments about your friend, that's pretty rude and it sucks that it caused such a scene. I do agree with PP that maybe it just didn't occur to her to say "welcome to the family", especially if you have been with your husband a long time. I know my own sister is not gushy like that and probably wouldn't say it to my FH, meanwhile FSIL can't stop talking about how I will be her new sister, so I think it just depends on the person. I say just continue to take a little bit of time away from everyone as you relish in being married and maybe as you move forward, just try to ignore her as best you can. If you have known each other a long time and don't seem to click, I don't know what else you could do.

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Probably have known in person just over 2.5 years. Been with my husband about 3 years. And we really don't click. I try to brush a lot of what she says off, but I'm biting my tongue a lot sometimes with her because I don't like scenes. I think the thing about the pregnancy bothered me more than I want to admit, because my husband and I do want to have a family sooner rather than later so like I think what I'm also concerned about is she going to make a comment about me once my husband and I get pregnant. I also don't like that she insulted my best friend of course.

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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Alli ·
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    Lol! Wow... 🙆🏻‍♀️
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    Based on previous posts where you've talked about your SIL, I think it sounds like she's more likely kind of a miserable person who complains a lot than that she doesn't like you personally. She just sounds rude. I think it was interesting that it was her own husband (if I'm following your post correctly) who called her out on being rude to your friend, and that they then fought about it in front of others. To me, that's pretty telling. I'd guess there are issues in their relationship that might be fueling (or are the result) of some of the other drama that she creates. Personally, I'd try to limit interactions with her, and let your husband drive the communication that does need to occur. In your earlier posts about the drama she seemed to be trying to provoke you with her issues about attending or not attending the wedding; it sounds like she was mostly seeking attention (especially since they attended anyway...). So, as much as your tongue may bleed, personally, I'd continue to bite my tongue and give her behavior as little attention/response as possible. It sounds like she's the type of person looking to stir the pot. In my experience, the more you can ignore that type of person the more quickly they'll get bored with the fact that you won't "play" with them. Continue to be distantly pleasant and share it with H when she's particularly over the top. Good luck! And, congrats on all that went so well with the wedding, I know you were really sweating it out over the last few months! Smiley heart

    PS -- also, obviously, if and when you start a family is no ones business but you and H's. If she dares to make rude comments about it, I'd have H prepared to shut her down the very first time. If she keeps it up, it will be clear she is being rude and petty. Don't let others steal your joy!

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I know you are right. I'm also not good at biting my tongue when I need to, but I know I don't have a choice in this one. I think I will just keep up communicating with my husband's cousins who do seem more welcoming and are extending the olive branch so to speak.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Yeah, in my experience, when people act the way your SIL does pretty much everyone is well aware and they are the one who looks like an idiot.... I may hold a different faith, but I do think Karma is a thing. Smiley winking Try to think of it more as taking the high road/being the better/more mature person rather than having to bite your tongue. I'd guess she has some pretty serious issues -- probably of her own doing -- so, again, don't let her steal your joy! Smiley heart

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  • Kia
    Dedicated September 2021
    Kia ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn’t let it bother you at all. My FH and I don’t hate each other’s families but we’re also not buddybuddyfriends. I don’t speak to them unless absolutely necessary and that’s totally fine. When we have family events we speak to each other the whole time lol. They don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like them. You’re marrying him, not them
    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    Devoted April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    You don't need to defend yourself even if you had a million shots it's your alcohol to drink I am sorry your sil is being a pain maybe you should talk to her and demand an apology and if she continues to be mean I would ignore her I hope you did enjoy your wedding take care and congrats

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  • Michelle
    VIP April 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Well lucky you that you’re not married to someone like that. Double lucky you, she lives far enough away!
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    Haha good point. Those hours are 8 blissful hours away lol
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  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    My SIL was a pain in the you know what all through the planning process.

    She still hasn't apologized, but her behavior was bad enough to tick off MIL, so... I have noticed a slight improvement.

    DH wanted us to be close. We even fought about it a lot... until I finally got through to him that it takes two, and, well, it wasn't me who hadn't tried.

    I'm sorry, I get it. I'm an only child and it would be great to have a sister. Stay precisely cordial, keep contact to a minimum, and make sure your DH does the communicating - and keeps the boundaries!

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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    I'm an only child too so I think that I want that relationship more. But I guess she just doesn't. Maybe things will get better over time. My husband and her need to figure there stuff out I think before I can have the relationship with her that would be better
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  • Minimalist Bride
    Master April 2021
    Minimalist Bride ·
    • Flag
    I would just let it go. If she has more incidents in the future then your hubby will have to address her.
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