Sister-in-law job

If you don't want her on your side of the wedding party, you don't have to find a role for her. You are not obligated to include her. It might end up straining your relationship with her further. Since she was upset that you got engaged (even though your engagement has nothing to do with her), she might also still bring negativity if you gave her a role in the wedding party. Personally, I wouldn't try to find a role for her other than the role of a guest.

From what you describe, there is no "job" that would be welcomed by your SIL. Even for people you are close to, jobs aren't always welcomed at weddings (many people would prefer just being guests than having to hand out programs, set up, or clean up). I wouldn't worry about finding the perfect thing and just focus on being polite to her as a wedding guest.

Did you have some sort of role in her wedding?

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I was planning on her being a wedding coordinator because she is very organized and I am not. I was thinking of adding her as a flower girl because I have seen a lot of people using adult friends as flower girls. That way she was in the bridal party but not really in the bridal party. However, I have been told that it might be insulting to ask that.

View Quoted Comment I think you misunderstood my question. I was asking if she made you a part of her wedding? If so, what role were you at their wedding?

Not knowing her, it's tough to say, but I suspect she's more interested in recognition than responsibilities (since this is true of most people in general). She could do a reading at the ceremony, serve as an usher, or give a toast at the rehearsal dinner (or all three). Also, your brother could always make her a groomswoman, although this would put her in the bridal party (just not on your side).

If she wasn't happy about you getting engaged, putting her in charge of any aspect of your wedding is not a good idea. If you need help planning the wedding, pick someone who either is genuinely excited for you or is a paid professional.

View Quoted Comment You mentioned that you didn't want her negativity affecting your day. Based on that, one thing I would strongly caution against is putting her as your wedding coordinator. You would want someone who isn't a guest for that role, so that a guest wouldn't need to work the entire wedding. Also, that would put her in a position of having some control over parts of the wedding, and if you don't have a great relationship with her, it's probably best to avoid that situation.

Maybe she can usher the guests in pass out programs

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Sorry! I was a bridesmaid at her wedding.

She doesn't need a job, there is no reason you need to include her if she is that negative and you don't have a good relationship with her.

We aren't giving our in-laws roles or jobs in our wedding, hell we aren't even having our own siblings do anything, they will just simply be guests.

I didn't ask my brother's girlfriend to do anything for our wedding, but I still love her and want to make her feel included -- I opted to include her and my brother in the processional, and we're also getting her a corsage to match the boutonnieres/flowers my family will all have. I was also going to ask her to do a reading, but my Dad expressed he really wanted to do that, so he's got dibs on that, haha! I'm also including her in all the pre-wedding activities (including getting ready together), because I don't want her to feel left out or like she isn't part of our family. Granted, it sounds like you have a different relationship with your SIL (and I agree with a PP, I would NOT ask her to be the wedding coordinator!), but maybe trying to include her in similar, smaller ways without actually assigning her a "job" may be the way to go?

View Quoted Comment Ah OK. I thought maybe if she had given you some sort of “extra” job, you could maybe give her the same title. Unfortunately, the fact that she made you a bridesmaid in her wedding, and you aren’t going to make her one in yours, is probably going to ruffle her feathers no matter what. I don’t think giving her another job is going to make her feel included, I think it is just going to put salt in the wound.

If she's that negative, I would not give her any role. Any role aside from being a bridesmaid is clearly a consolation prize or a chore more than an honor. Just explain that your party is super small if she asks


Also, being a wedding coordinator is a paid job with responsibilities, it's not an honor

I wouldn't give her a job that someone should be paid to do. That's a huge ask for someone.

I personally don’t understand the idea behind asking in laws to be included in the wedding party, especially when there is no relationship between one or both of the couple and the siblings/in laws in question. Who are they trying to please by doing that because the wedding party should be the couple’s nearest and dearest closest support system?


What many don’t realize is that not everyone wants to be a bridesmaid or groomsman with the responsibility and expectations involved. They would prefer to be a guest with no responsibility beyond showing up to support the couple and enjoy themselves at the reception. But for whatever reason, people see that as offensive when it is the opposite and is a huge honor to be invited to witness the ceremony and reception.