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Beginner November 2021

Sister help

Felicia, on March 23, 2021 at 9:09 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23
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Ok so from the beginning I knew my very best friend would be my maid of honor. My baby sister always knew this. So when time came and I actually asked them to be a part of my wedding they both said yes. My bestie completely excited and my sister was just like ya ok. So as the days go by and colors are picked , some dresses are purchased, and plans are being made... I’m still asking my baby sister if she is ready to go get her dress picked and sized. This has been a problem because she continues to say ‘my husband won’t let me go anywhere’ ‘told you I have the kids’ or ‘you know he doesn’t let us do anything, how do you think he’s gonna let me go’. So finally I asked if she was still going to be a bridesmaid? Her response’We will see if he lets me’. She won’t even go to the bachelorette get away... she’s a married woman and this would cause problems. First everyone going is either married or in a relationship but ok.... what do y’all think I should do? Continue asking or just let her be?

23 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on March 24, 2021 at 12:01 AM
  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    If her husband truly doesn't let her go places, that's a huge red flag. The way you've framed the story, I'm less worried about her being a good bridesmaid and much more worried about her safety. Is she okay?
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Woah. It sounds like she’s in a very controlling and abusive sounding relationship. I would pause completely and shift your focus. It is NOT NORMAL for someone’s husband to “not allow” them to do things, especially very normal things like attend their sisters wedding. Have you asked why she thinks he won’t let her? Have you asked how her and the kids are or if they need help? You keep referring to her as your “baby sister” but this is a married woman with children. I don’t know if maybe you perceive her as a child but it sounds like she’s in a terrible situation. Please offer help to her, even more if she declines. Do not mention the wedding anymore, this is no longer priority for conversation.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I agree with this. The way you’re describing your sister’s husband’s behavior is at the very least controlling and possibly even worse. Has her husband always behaved this way? Has anyone in your family reached out and asked her if she’s alright?
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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    I’d be way more concerned about her controlling relationship and whether my sister needs help. 😳 It does not sound healthy and what you’ve described waves some huge red flags. Is she in a safe place?
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    Oh she’s fine. They have 3 kids and do everything with other family. It’s just me. Lol. We used to be inseparable and party and all. So ya
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    Ok so I failed to mention that it’s just me she can’t do things with. We we the crazy sister duo that partied and all kinds of stuff. I was still single and trying to get her to go and she would get in trouble on my behalf. But I’ve changed and she’s changed. It’s not the controlling thing. He lets her do everything. Just not with me. He doesn’t trust me around her. He thinks I’ll some how change her or something
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    That’s still not normal. Either something bigger happened between you and him or he’s overly controlling. I have plenty of friends I used to party with that may have lead to a few drunken arguments with my husband, but I would never be afraid that he wouldn’t “allow” me to see someone. Especially if they’ve moved past that stage, he should trust her. This still doesn’t sound like she’s in a healthy relationship at all.
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    He flat out just don’t like me. And she chooses to do whatever to make him happy. So if not going with me is it then she does that.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Yeah I agree, still not at all normal. Are we missing part of the story here?
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  • MK
    Expert September 2021
    MK ·
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    I think we should check on sister...? This is so far from normal lol

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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    I mean, regardless of all that, you're her sister and you're getting married. He can cut the strings and let her celebrate with you.

    Or would there have been anything that happened between you and sister that she might be using her husband as an excuse to not go?

    If it's like it seems on surface, husband is super sus and someone should really check-in on them.

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I agree. This is extremely concerning.
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    And that is what I’m getting at. I honestly think she is using his dislike for me as an excuse to not go because honestly I believe she is upset that she isn’t my maid of honor.
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  • A
    Devoted May 2021
    Ally ·
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    Agree with everyone else, I would check on her first and see why she is with a man who doesnt let her do things. I would be much more concerned about that
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Even if he's not controlling her otherwise, the fact she's not allowed to interact with you is a huge red flag. That is still abuse by not allowing the interaction when you are all adults. Can your parents step in? He doesn't get to choose who she talks to. This needs to be resolved asap.

    Do you want sister involved? Or is it out of obligation? Until someone is able to get her husband back off, I would proceed as if she will not be participating in or attending the wedding

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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Do you find it at all alarming how many people immediately voiced their concerns about her relationship? It seems like you’re continuing to look for excuses or reasons to be mad at her and all these strangers are saying it sounds like she’s in trouble. Is there ANYONE who is checking in (or interested in checking in) on her well being?
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    Yes I hear the concerns. And if y’all think I’m being selfish because I don’t say I should be well I’m not. I don’t have any reason to be concerned because she is straight tough and has made a point to him in a very fierce way to him that he does not control her. So no, I’m not concerned for her safety or the kids safety. She lives 5 blocks from me and I see her maybe once a few months. She loves being married and a mother. She does not like to share family time. It’s really her doing this and I’ve even called mom about it but she says the same thing. She’s married and chooses to not be a part of anything that’s her choice.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Why dont you call her out next time she says she can't come because of her husband and get to the bottom of things then? "Hey you said you cant come if your husband doesn't let you, but you're an adult. Does he really get to decide where you go?"
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I agree with this. If we’re all wrong, she’s using him as an excuse to get out of things. In which case I’d probably just let her.
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  • F
    Beginner November 2021
    Felicia ·
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    So it just happened that he came into my work. I asked why she can’t go and why she said she might not be able to be in it. He said that’s her not him. That he tells her go with me but she doesn’t want to. So yes, my feelings totally got crumbled.
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