Sister Drama

The real reason I'm not asking her is b/c I think she's crazy and I don't trust her. Especially not on such an important day. Now my dad is upset b/c my sister is blaming my mom and they think I need to explain to my sister why I don't want her in my wedding. I tend to not be very emotional and extremely stubborn so I don't think I should have to explain myself. It's mine and FH's wedding. I asked FH about it but we have very similar personalities so he completely agrees with me. I have no problem with telling her why if she asks but I think it's ridiculous to explain myself when she asked my mom and not me. Should I reach out to her and tell her why I'm not having her in the wedding so my mom doesn't feel like she's in the middle and she doesn't create anymore drama or should I stand my ground?

Don't bring it up.

If she does, tell her you haven't chosen the wedding party (so early to ask anyone).

Reassess your relationship with her in June 2018.

I would leave the situation alone until she mans up and comes to you herself, also you shouldn't feel obligated to put her in your wedding just because she's family anyways, my DH didn't put any of his brothers in our wedding and both DH and brothers were perfectly okay with that!

Your mom shouldn't have made up an excuse about why you aren't planning to ask her, and that's not your problem to solve.

Nonna is right (as usual) that the wedding party shouldn't even be a big discussion until 6-8 months before the wedding anyway.

She definitely WILL NOT be in the wedding. Even if we're back on good terms. She always goes through phases where she gets along with everyone and then she does something crazy again. Even if I don't know for sure who will be in the wedding I definitely know she won't be and I don't want to give false hope.

I wouldn't bring it up. Just for the simple fact that she sounds like she is completely aware of her behaviour and how it affects the family.

Bringing it up only feeds into her need for attention/drama. And even if she does ask, don't give her any details like @Nonna said.

Your mom shouldn't have been talking to her about it in the first place. If you sister talks to you about it you can decide what to say, but it isn't your job to smooth things over between her and your mom.

I am in the same situation with my sister. I actually had a full discussion with my dad last night asking him to support my decision by not asking her to be in our wedding. Stick with your gut girl! This is YOUR day, you don't want her to ruin it or cause drama on a special day that will forever be important to you! Good luck

I am sorry that really sucks. I understand kinda what you are going through. My FH is a drama queen and I am definitely not having her in my wedding party. The biggest reason is, the day my FH proposed to me at our house warming party she caused a sense with him and stormed out and made things awkward and started a whole big fight.

But I agree with PP don't bring it up and if she does just say you haven't decided yet.

@Nikki she pushed my mom to the ground and was yelling at her. This was after she punched her husband in the face and broke his glasses and gave him a black eye. Almost killing her is a bit of exaggeration but they were definitely pissed and didn't want to have anything to do with her. My brother only started talking back to her because him and his wife had a baby and thought it would be the right thing to do to let her decide if she wanted to be in her nephew's life. FH on the other hand is still not a fan of her and says she's not welcome at our house period and he really doesn't want her at the wedding but he understands she's family and doesn't want to come between that.

Your mom really should have stuck with "I don't think she's chosen a BP, yet" and not let the conversation go as far as it didn't. She certainly shouldn't have put words in your mouth about why you weren't going to ask your sister to he a BM. Your mom started this. Actually, I think your mom owes you and your sister an apology, but I'm guessing that's not going to happen. I'd simply tell mom that in the future, it would be best if she took the stance of "I don't know."

You don't owe anyone an explanation for why they won't be in your WP, especially if they aren't asking you directly. If your sister does decide to bring it up (it's rude as heck to ask someone if they can be in your wedding or why they aren't in your wedding, but sometimes it happens), then simply tell her you haven't decided on a BP, yet. If she presses the issue or she's asking after she knows you already picked one, then gently let her know that you love her, you're happy that the two of you are on good terms and that she'll be there for your wedding, but you just felt that you two are still working on rebuilding your relationship with each other.