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Savvy June 2021

Sister Bridesmaids and crunched timeline

Angela, on April 11, 2021 at 1:33 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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I'm going to preface this by saying I've only been to 3 weddings in my life and have never been a bridesmaid so I'm a bit hazy on all of the traditions and etiquette involved. When it came time to pick bridesmaids, I decided it would be best to honor my sisters ages 32 and 16 and his sister 24. Our wedding budget covered the cost of their dresses and although I picked the color, they picked the style that was most flattering to their bodies. Other than that, they have had no bridal party duties yet (wedding 2 months away).

I initially didn't think I wanted a bridal shower (never been to one but people give you presents for the wedding? I had a hard time comprehending. They want to give me more stuff and hang out on an already kinda tight schedule?) Also 2 bridesmaids are out of state and unable to travel multiple times to come to shower, bachelorette party, wedding if spread out. I'm not opposed to a bridal shower but it would be a lot of time together. Is it too much? Shower Wed night, rehearsal dinner Thurs night, rentals arrive and set up for backyard ceremony all day Friday (chairs, tables, lighting, sound system, non-perishable decor), wedding Saturday.
I kinda want a bachelorette party but obviously it's not appropriate for the 16 year old. The 32 year old has a toddler at home. Its a little awkward with just me and my future sis in law, especially for something risque like a bachelorette. I don't have a lot of friends because I've spent the last 5 years super focused on my education and career. It's easier to just hang out with my FHs friends than make my own lol. Anyways, the wedding is 2 months away and I want to feel like a bride. It hasn't really set in yet. What is appropriate to ask my bridesmaids to do and where do I draw the line?

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Grace, on April 11, 2021 at 11:06 AM

Expert March 2023
Catherine · on April 11, 2021 at 2:12 AM
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Hey! So first of all, you can have a bachelorette party that is age appropriate for the 16 year old. If she’s apart of your bridal party, she should be included in all bridal party activities- including the bachelorette party. You could get your nails done or go to the spa or something super simple. It doesn’t have to be a drunken night- unless that’s something you’re into. In that case, that can be something you do after you do something fun with the 16 year old. But regardless, she needs to be included. Also, your bridesmaids need to plan your bachelorette party for you. I would mention to them that you’d like to do something super simple the week of your wedding that wing take yo too much time from the one that has a toddler from home and see what they come up with. They don’t have to do anything for you other than just show up to your wedding for you- everything else is extra and nice. But asking them to throw a shower or a party for you is a bit rude. If you want a bachelorette party, definitely mention it and if it happens, that’s great! You could also pay for your bachelorette party yourself, in which case, it would be fine to throw it yourself just go spend some time with all of your bridesmaids. But it’s not considered polite to ask someone else to throw you a party and expect them to pay for it.
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Savvy June 2021
Angela · on April 11, 2021 at 2:46 AM
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You're totally right on that. I should clarify. They offered both a bridal shower and a bachelorette party. They asked for suggestions of what I want to do. I'm just trying to think through logistically how that would work with the out-of-state travel and what to do with the wide age gap. I liked your idea of a spa day (dependent on covid restrictions either at home or out). I am learning to take a step back and let others do the planning. It's one less thing for me to worry about lol.
I know all 3 of them very well but due to the step-sister/half-sister/sister-in-law dynamic coming from different states they won't have ever met in person until 4 days before the wedding. I think a low key self-care day will be a good chance for us to bond and get pretty. We can even include mild alcohol without getting wild with something like mimosas for the older girls and oj or sparkling apple for my baby sis.
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Expert March 2023
Catherine · on April 11, 2021 at 3:10 AM
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Sorry for assuming then! For my first wedding, my MOH (who will be my MOH in this wedding too) was underage, and my bridesmaids were pretty tricky to get along with. So I paid for my MOH and i to do an at home spa day with her and her younger sister. It was a lot of fun! We also did yarn art! We got some wood circles, hammered some nails into them and then circled yarn around the nails to make a design. We got pizza delivered and did at home facials and pained our toe nails. Very low cost and kid friendly! This was way before covid but would be very COVID friendly! You could also do a movie night? Maybe find a bunch of romantic comedies and order in pizza or Chinese food? Have some wine and sparkling cider for younger sister and add in some elements of spa day there too!
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Super February 2022
Grace · on April 11, 2021 at 11:06 AM
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My MOH is my sister who is also coming in from out of town. My timeline is a little less crunched but not by much. Tues wedding so I was thinking Saturday or Sunday bachelorette event. I am planning to do a spa day with my sister and mom and then have mixed drinks at home, possibly with other friends from high school if they are in town already. We have a fire pit so definitely having a bonfire in the backyard too. This would completely work for the 16 year old if you can mix virgin versions of the drinks for her and include her in the spa/other bonding experience.

If you are covering some of the cost, or just want it low-key, you can do a BYOB home event and provide the mixers and non-alcoholic options yourself. Would also guarantee your younger sister has something to drink.
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