SIL invited other SILs in Bridal Party and I’m hurt to be excluded.
just want to first caveat that I acknowledge that a bride has the right to choose who she wants in her wedding party, should not be obligated to include anyone she doesn’t want to, and ultimately the decision is hers. I am thrilled for my sister in law to be getting remarried.
I’m curious as to others’ perspective. My SIL is getting married (2nd wedding for bride-her first wedding was 4 people and a destination wedding) and it is a backyard bbq event. She has one sister and i am married to her brother, have known her for 10 years, am godparent to her son. We have a good relationship, have shared fun times together, no history of any conflict. Her fiancé has 2 sisters. recently her fiancé asked my hubby if he’ll be a part of his wedding party (they aren’t “friends” but get along when they see each other at family events). He mentioned he’s also invited 3 of his friends, and that my husband’s sister is “inviting her sister and my sisters so its a family affair”. I know for a fact she is not “close” with her fiance’s siblings, and one sister she was not on speaking terms with until recently.
I am so surprised and a bit embarrassed as to how hurt and shocked I am not to be asked to be in her wedding party. I see a wedding party as a reflection on those who you love and support you and that there is meaning and significance behind it-of course, this is my belief that may not be held by them. To me, especially since other sister in laws are in it, i’m baffled that she would include 2 people she isn’t close to, one with a precarious past relationship, and not me. If a friend shared such a scenario, i would assume the bride likely does not get along with said sister in law (ie me). If she had just her sister in her wedding party, i get it but i’m hurt that she’s invited her fiancé’s sisters and not me. She is not the type of person who gives in to “obligations” and has put off the wedding in the past because of her issues with her fiancé’s family. I will get over it, won’t forget it though and makes me wonder if she just doesn’t realize the message it is symbolically sending me. My husband may or may not ask her in the future out of curiosity as to why— he finds it surprising but assumes she’s inviting her other 2 SILS out of obligation. I accept and validate my feelings although feel embarrassed at how sensitive I am being. I also feel this will change my dynamic with her in the future. Do you think it is something worth asking via message post wedding (eg “what a great wedding! I just wanted to makesure I haven’t upset you without realizing it? i wasn’t sure if not making me a bridesmaid with your other SILS was in any way a reflection on our relationship”. ) Thanks!
