SIL in wedding party?

I wouldn't ask yet. It's way too early to start asking your bridal party. A million things could happen between now and then, and your relationship with FSIL could be completely different!

It's way too early. Also, if she's already whining about not being in it, and "would say no if you asked now," it sounds like you might want to build that relationship some before making this decision, because that sounds like a lot of drama.

I'm not generally a fan of the cutesy "bridesmaid proposals," but asking her in a sweet way down the line will probably make up for the hurt feelings from the (reasonable, responsible, necessary) delay in asking.

Sorry that you're dealing with Drama As earlier commenters said, its very early to decide on your bridal party, even if you're already thinking about it for planning purposes. I could definitely see waiting on deciding.

Before deciding, a few things to consider: think about how 6 girls might work if you're only planning to have a wedding of 50 people. Could be a little off-balance. But overall I think it would be a nice gesture to ask your SIL to be part of your day. It would give you and your sister-in-law time to bond and grow closer (if you haven't already). What does your future husband think? Are they close?

If you want to do damage control now (and you're worried about their reaction) I think asking them when you were planning to ask some others anyway could work. My guess is they wouldn't act horribly in front of the rest of yours and his family. Plus, they might realize they were overracting all along, and were just waiting to ask them in person (which I also think is a nice gesture if you can swing it).

That being said, if you'd feel uncomfortable having your SIL in the wedding, then I wouldn't. Hopefully your mom and future sister can understand that the day is about you and what you and your FH want, even if it's hard to accept at first.

Since you've already asked some people, if you're going to ask her you should do it soon. But it's a good example of why not to pick your bridal party before 6-9 months before the wedding. Is she someone you want standing next to you on your wedding day?

I wouldn't ask her if she's whining and acting the way she is.

I don't have any problems with her at all, and didn't want there to become one because of something kind of stupid. I see what you're all saying about waiting but since I did already ask my sisters (they both live out of state) I feel I shouldn't prolong it too much.

Ah, I didn't realize you'd already asked some people.

I totally understand not wanting to start trouble with FSIL over this. We actually had a similar situation and we decided to involve the person. Make sure FH is okay with it first, but go with your gut. You know the people and relationships involved better than we do, and if you've already started picking your bridal party this early, waiting on some and not others isn't ideal.

Don't let other people dictate how your wedding is going to be. It is your day! I understand how hard it can be to say no to someone, especially where you are marrying into their family. Maybe you could find a way to make sure to include her when you do special wedding-related things (shopping for odds and ends, Bachelorette party, etc) because she is family which already makes her important.

If she's already whining about it I wouldn't ask her. Because once you do, seems like she will be adding stress and not excitement to your bridal party.

To me it doesn't matter about the sides matching (I'm having 6 BM and my FH is having 5 GM). If your hubby has 4 and you have 6, it wouldn't really make a difference. But if you both decide on 4 and half your BP is your sisters, you FSIL should understand that your BP is very small.

Another thing, if she says that she would say no if she was asked now, that shit shouldn't fly. She's the kind of person who will make your day all about HER. I would shut that shit down now. Maybe have your FH explain to his mom & sis that you guys aren't done with asking the BP yet and your wedding is still quite far away.

I agree that if you ask this weekend, it will absolutely look like it was out of force. Maybe wait a month or so atleast and go to lunch with her one day and ask?

Also, don't forget that you're going to be his wife! That makes YOU priority #1 now. They should be trying to appease you and get on your good gracious as much as you are for them. Don't let yourself get bullied.

My SIL and FMIL did this too. In their case it was more of a sense of entitlement. Be careful on which decision you choose because sometimes you give at the wrong times and people take advantage of that. My SIL will throw a fit to get her way which I often let by slide but not with my wedding. I chose who I wanted, who I was close to and forced them to respect my choice as there will be many more they will need to learn to respect.

I would ignore the whole thing. The less attention you give this behavior the better.