sil hates Mil... Shower help!

I'm sorry you are going through this. My SIL and older BIL are both estranged from my FIL so I can definitely understand what you are going through. My older BIL refused to be in any photos with my FIL at our wedding. My SIL said she would if we really wanted her to be, but didn't want to be anywhere near him in the photos. We choose not force them to take photos with my FIL. However, my younger BIL made both of them be in photos with my FIL and you could tell none of them were comfortable. Thankfully, I didn't have to worry about this for my shower. My advice would be to ask your fiancé what he thinks you should do since it is his family. In all honestly, I think your SIL needs to suck it up and be an adult and just accept that your MIL will be at your shower.

Hi Katie! I have family members who do not get along and not my place to get in the middle (wouldn’t want to 😂). How I dealt with it was to invite everyone to everything and if one chooses not to come, that’s ok. In my opinion, your only responsibility is to not seat them together. I’m lucky that each person came and there were no issues because the day was celebrating me and my marriage, not about them. Good luck ❤️

I think you accept that they won’t always agree to just “suck it up”. It doesn’t sound like SIL is throwing a fit that her mother is invited and that she’s simply making a decision to not be in the same space as her mother. That’s her choice and I’d respect her decision about the shower. I don’t speak with my sister because of something awful that happened between us a few years ago, which means I’ve chosen to avoid some smaller family celebrations I knew she’d be attending. If someone told me to “suck it up” I’d probably be really annoyed.

So sorry you have to deal with that. If it were me, I would invite them both. If SIL can't be a be big enough to attend and act like an adult, honestly, that's on her. But I do not think you should bear the burden of deciding who gets to come. If she is petty enough to refuse to attend and support you, you can't control that and unfortunately just have to let it go.

I’d invite both and if they ask “is she invited” I’d say “yes.” If they start “well, I’m not going then!” tell them you’ll miss them.
And mean it. This stuff feeds on attention.
And for god’s sake, two grown women who son’t have decent enough manners to behave better than toddlers? They deserve to not be invited anywhere until they can act their age.

Invite both, let both know that they were invited & under no circumstances will there be a fighting. These are grown ADULT women- they need to act like it.

I agree with others about just making sure they are both invited and then leave it up to them how they respond. It's quite possible how you and FH respond to their ultimatums now will have future implications -- your kid's birthday parties, holiday celebrations, etc. Unless you want to have to hold multiple celebrations for years to come, set a clear precedent NOW: there will one event/celebration that everyone is invited to; if they choose not to attend, that's on them!

I'm so sorry. Unless one of them was abusive or committed some other major moral or ethical violation, their behavior seems very immature and manipulative.... Good luck!

I agree with others about inviting both.

View Quoted Comment I agree! You can only do what you have control over. In my opinion, they are making this about them when it should be about you! If one doesn’t come, that’s her own choice! You did what was appropriate by inviting them both!