SIL = DRAMA Heeeeeelllpppp!

Cont this came from, or why she might be mad at me, other than that she hates DH (why no one knows). I feel that I need to stick up for myself with her, and make it known that this is not who I am. Since she is not talking to MIL, she doesn't know anything about it yet, and SIL doesn't know that I am aware of her rumors either. DH is the maddest I have ever seen him. There are no open lines of communication with her ATM, so I am thinking that I should write her a letter, and send copies to MIL and some of the family in PI. I don't know what to do! Should I let this go? Should I call, write, send a mob??!?! HELP ME!!!

I would definitely address the SIL first. If you feel more comfortable doing it in writing then that is best. Be the bigger person but let her know that you've heard the rumors she's started, you don't appreciate them and you want them to stop. After that, your actions will speak louder than your words. Treat her kindly but let her know you won't tolerate the drama. I would also assure her parents, especially MIL that you love their son, you want the best for him, and that you appreciate whatever help they give - in gifts or whatever. Your priority is your DH so if he loves you and people see that you love him, all other lies and opinions are null and void. I've dealt with this situation a few times with clients. It's quite upsetting but the fact remains that it's about you and him. Stay positive and cordial to everyone, but as diplomatically as possible tell them to keep their negativity to themselves.

Analy- i think you and your FH might want to sit down with his parents and maybe his aunt and cousin and talk about the situation, because his parents might believe you but they will be more likely to believe the aunt and cousin who were there too. That way his parents can communicate to the family in PI what is actually happening. I think that they should be the ones to help communicate to the rest of the family that the Sister is crazy.

FMG, that is a really good idea. The reason that I want to write the letter is that there are no open lines of communication with the SIL, and haven't been for a really long time. This is also not the first time she has done something like this, it's just the first time with me. I am going to take your advice though, and ask that the aunt talk to MIL as well, and confirm that I am speaking the truth. Also, she is a single mom, and I do have some communication with my neice that I don't want to damage by showing up or attacking her mom.

I guess it's just such a touchy situation. I don't want to make things worse, but I feel I really need to make it known to the whole family that I never said/ did these terrible things. I'm just so frustrated. I've never had a sister, and was looking forward to it.

Sounds like she just wants attention and to be the favorite....

oh dear, i would hate for this to get really ugly...what does the mom, aunt, and dh think? they have known her longer, her personality, character, family dynamics/politics, cultural politics?

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definitely sit down with your mil and fil about this with your dh.

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this sister must have some sibling rivalry with her brother and you are caught in the middle. she doesn't want you to become the darling of the family etc.

writing a letter might exacerbate the situation and perhaps give her what she wants, some attention or power.

MIL doesn't know about it since SIL won't talk to her. I know she is going to be very upset. Aunt and DH are incredibly mad at her, and of course, know the truth. MIL and FIL are out of state, but we all talk about once a week.

Sister has been like this for a long long long time. She hates DH and no one knows why. They haven't spoken in 2 years, and he chooses to let it lie, which is ok with me.

However, He does not want to let this go as it will set presidence and cause me to constantly be defending myself. Few people know how awful she can be, as she puts up a front, so that is a concern since they don't know me well. But yes, she has MAJOR jealousy issues. DH is very successful and she has always struggled. I just never wanted to really get involved in the feud...now I sorta have to.

Oh, sorry Analy. I feel for you. I have a sister who puts up a front with everyone except me of course and major jealousy issues.

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Definitely conference call the parents and get their take on whether to write to her and call her out. I guess if you do write to her and cc the parents, it will all be written out and less of she said/he said etc....

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with my sister, she will always be in denial and not fess up, but be really ugly towards me behind everyone else's back. those kinds of people are really hard to communicate with because they live in their own selfish, delusional world. they don't care who they hurt, as long as they come out on top and smelling like a rose....

Honestly i would let it roll... i mean CLEARLY she's very immature and she's just trying to get people in an uproar. don't give her that satisfaction. who cares what people think that you've never met. when they get an opportunity to meet you, they will get to know you for themselves. this girl has been there family her entire life and i'm sure they know how she is. this type of behavior doesn't just appear over night. so i say screw her. don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. writing her a letter won't resolve anything b/c she's clearly not playing with a full deck otherwise this wouldn't even be an issue.

I would take fmg's suggestion you and dh sit with your inlaws along with the aunt and cousin so that way your MIL can let the extend Family in PI know that the rumor isnt true.

JJ you hit it right on. DH and I are the only ones her craziness is really directed to, everyone else sees her front. That is why it's hard for them to see what she is up to. I am sure that she will deny whatever is said, just as she has done with DH in the past. It has hurt his relationship with his parents in the past, and continues to, and I don't want that to happen with me.

Ladylee- i DO care what they think because they are his family, and now my family, and we will be seeing a lot of them in the future. It is true that she is clearly immature and delusional, but she has a lot of people fooled, especially people that don't often see her (and even those that do), including her parents. They are just now beginning to see her true colors. This would probably blow that wide open, since it involves MIL and she can directly dispute it. Ugh, decisions.

Analy my position may be tainted b/c i'm just so used to women not liking me for one trivial reason or another. i've dealt with it my entire life. so i just came to the conclusion that SOMEBODY's going to always have something to say and i can't control other people. i know the truth about myself and that's what's important.

you could always find some hoodlums to beat her up lol. not that i've ever done such a thing! :o)

Oh I totally feel you there. I only have a couple good gf's for exactly that reason. If it were just random people, then whatever. She is just sooooo evil! For example: DH sent a letter to his father in PI, asking him to come to the wedding. (They haven't seen eachother in 12 yrs). When SIL found out he was coming here, she sent his dad a letter, posing as DH and telling his dad what a horrible person he was, etc etc, so that he would decide not to come! And now this...I think we have just had it.

And girl...trust me, if that little girl was not there, I would be callin up some hoodlums!! lol

She did what now?! Who would do such a thing? I hope she's not coming to your wedding!

No, she declined coming to the wedding, and did not allow her daughter to come, even though we and MIL begged her. It was probably better that way. But, it seems that things are escalating now that we are married, probably the whole jealousy thing. That's why I kinda want to deal with it now, rather than wait until it's at a fever pitch. I just don't know how...