sil didn’t ask me to be in the party

You always have the right to feel how you feel. However, if they decided to only have a BM and MOH, what you described makes total sense. You said yourself that you wouldn't expect to be her MOH. Every couple makes the decisions that work best for them, especially regarding who their bridal party consists of. I would just try to not take it as a slight against you, as it doesn't sound like they purposefully excluded you.

I really would try to not take it personally. I understand being hurt and disappointed, but if they’re not doing a bridal party it makes sense that you could not be a part of it.
She could have a friend she’s closest to as MOH, or is it a family member? It doesn’t mean she doesn’t value your friendship, she just had to make a choice.
I also would never expect someone to tell everyone they’re not choosing as bridesmaids. It’s actually pretty rude to go up to someone and say “hey you’re not in the bridal party”. Again, it’s understanding to be sad but this doesn’t seem like a mean move on her part since she’s not having a bridal party.

You’re entitled to feel upset, however, it would be in your best interest to let it go. She isn’t having multiple bridesmaids just her sister and one other person. She may have been wanting to keep things easy for you and just be a guest. It isn’t a tit-for-tat with asking bridal party members especially when theirs is so small. Try to be happy for them and express that.

That’s actually normal to not include in laws as attendants. But the fact that you are super close friends is odd that she wouldn’t choose you so you are definitely valid to have hurt feelings. There’s not a lot you can do except speak honestly with her and be happy for them.

If they're doing one attendant each, that's as small as it gets. I wouldn't be upset in this case. You weren't expecting to be MoH. All she has is an MoH.

I’m sorry you feel this way and they are valid feelings! Sure you have a right to be hurt. However what I’ve learned is to never expect anything. Expecting things to happen results in feelings such as the ones you are experiencing.


As tough as it may be considering you seemed very close, just let it go, move and, and be happy for them.

Your feelings are valid because everyone has a right to their feelings, but being upset about this particular situation isn’t really going to solve anything. They only chose one attendant each and you said yourself you wouldn’t expect to be her MOH.

You have the right to be upset, but you said yourself you didn’t expect to be maid of honor and they chose to only have one attendant each. My fiancé and are doing the same thing, only having a maid of honor and best man. Just because they were apart of your wedding party does not mean you have to be apart of theirs.

Are you just venting here, or are you asking for what to do about this? If you are just venting, that is (of course) completely fine. You can't help how you feel, so it makes sense to vent about hurt feelings in safe spaces. But if you want to know what to do next, then I would advise that you be very careful not to let this affect your relationship with your future sister-in-law or your enjoyment of the wedding.

If she had come here asking how to explain to her friend that she wasn't going to have any bridesmaids, we would probably suggest not to explain why you aren't choosing somebody for something. It's not rude to choose whomever you choose, but it might be seen as rude to tell someone they aren't picked!

So, try to look at it from her perspective and do whatever you have to do to move past this without sadness or bitterness. In the end, the wedding day is just one day, but family and friendships are (hopefully) for life. Remember what is really important.

There will be a lot more things in life you are not chosen for. This is silly.

No, it just means that I agree with her husband. I do not think she has reason to be hurt. And thus forum is not just for your opinions, with you labeling others as a bully. I have 3 kids in the 7-10 range. And that is the mort common time developmentally for kids to be upset over not being chosen for a one shot event: why can my best friend go to Jeannie's party, and I cannot go? Why has my older brother chosen our other son to do something special, and not me? Why can't I be a flower girl, when the other girl the bride babysits. In middle schoolers, that is a common issue. But I think most people should have worked out these issues by adulthood, as this bride has not. . And I do not think it is something to dwell on or feel hurt about , now. I think bride would do better to work on accepting such things as they are. Her husband thinks she should not feel hurt either. Perhaps he too thinks she should have solved this issue by now. Does not have to like it. But understand that part of growing up is leaving behind being serious or hurt about who is chosen before me.

Sorry, unlike PPs, I don't think you have a right to be upset. You wanted to be in the bridal party. There isn't one. You didn't expect to be MoH. You aren't. Not too sure what you'd like the bride to do to accommodate you.

View Quoted Comment ^^^ That sounded more like a real response, and not just insensitively brushing a hurt person off as being silly. My sincerest apologies for similarly jumping the gun and brushing your one line off as bullish.
I’m in complete agreement that it’s out of line to expect to be owed a spot in a wedding party. My MOH/BFF/Roommate opted to not even invite me and my SO and I was so happy for her deciding on a small wedding like she dreamed of instead of trying to please her family with a wedding or trying to feel like she owed me.

Your feelings are valid! It's okay to feel hurt. If you do feel that way try to dig deep and ask yourself a serious of questions. For example, "Why am I feeling this way?". While being asked to be a MOH or Bridesmaid is a beautiful role, it should not define your relationship with the bride. I'm sure she still loves you and did not mean to do this to hurt your feelings. It is a title for ONE day. Another thing to think about is what would the bride have expected from you if you were part of the bridal party? There are some brides who have expectations, but it gets lost in communication because the bride doesn't communicate it to the girls, or the girls don't even ask. Again, your feelings are totally valid. If you feel hurt that is okay!! But definitely do some digging and self reflection as to why it affected you, and only you would know best as to why