Cathy
Just Said Yes August 2021

Significant others in bridal party

Cathy, on April 5, 2020 at 1:05 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 14
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Hey! Do you think its rude to not include a husband or wife as a groomsman/bridesmaid if their spouse is in the wedding? For example my fiance wants one of his friends as a groomsman, but although my fiance is good friends with his wife, I personally am not very close to either. His wife and I get along, but we're not exactly friends. More like acquaintances I guess u could say. Do u think I should include her?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on April 7, 2020 at 8:15 AM
  • Jai
    Rockstar May 2020
    Jai ·
    • Flag
    Personally I wouldn't. If you're friends with her and she is someone close to you than yes. I had did that and asked my FH best friends wife to be my bridesmaid and she ended up dropping out. It's an awkward situation. I wouldn't mind if my FH was a groomsmen in a wedding and I wasnt a bridesmaid. No hurt feelings.
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  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    No. A person is asked to be in the wedding party based on their individual relationship to whoever's side they're standing on. Bridal party attendants do not come as a package deal because they're a couple
    • Reply
  • Sandy
    Dedicated December 2021
    Sandy ·
    • Flag
    I would not include her in bridal party, but you could ask her to attend some of your pre wedding events if you like. Otherwise, during the reception, just make sure to have them sit together (especially if you have a head table). That’s the least you could do so she feels comfortable during.
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  • Michelle
    VIP September 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Nope! You want to have your closest girlfriends or family with you, it's a very special time. She'll be fine and should understand!

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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    No. My husband and I have both been in wedding parties and have never both been in the same one. He should pick his closest friends and you should pick yours
    • Reply
  • Msalberts
    Master October 2021
    Msalberts ·
    • Flag
    Nope nope nope!
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Savvy April 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    You do not have to pick a person's significant other to be in your party. It's pretty commonplace to have only one person in the couple be in the wedding, so you wouldn't be disappointing anyone.


    My FH has another odd scenario--he asked his sister's fiancé to be a groomsman, and depending on the availability of an out of town buddy who has not responded to him, may choose his sister as a groomswoman. She goes to law school and looks rad in a suit anyway lol. If your FH feels strongly about having her in the party, he can make her a groomswoman if he wants to do so, but you shouldn't just add her as a bridesmaid under obligation.
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  • Izzykern
    Super April 2021
    Izzykern ·
    • Flag
    Nope! You are not obligated to include significant others in the bridal party. However, I think it is rude to split up couples for the reception by having a head table. That’s why we are doing a sweetheart table and letting everyone sit with their spouses/SOs
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    Not necessary at all. We had five people on each side. We only included two couples - Eric (my brother/bride's man) and Kelly (brother's wife/bridesmaid) and Ryan (husband's friend/groomsman) and Natalie (my friend/bridesmaid). We didn't include the spouses/significant others of the other bridesmaids, groomsmen, or groomswoman as we aren't as close to them. Only include those you have a close relationship with that you can't imagine not having be part of your wedding day.


    *Names were changed for privacy.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Super November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    We have this situation as well, my best friend is my matron of honor and we are friends with her husband and my FH was in their wedding, but my FH has other closer friends he prefers to be part of the day. We are leaving him out of the bridal party for that reason. You shouldn’t have to include anyone you don’t want to!
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Devoted June 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    No, there is absolutely no reason to do that. Your bridal party should be who is closest to you!
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    Agreeing with everyone else. Your wedding party members should be your nearest and dearest. If aren't close with your FH's groomsman's wife, she shouldn't be asked to be in the wedding. I have been in (and not been in) plenty of weddings in which my SO (or myself) were not a part of the wedding party. We were fine. The only thing I would make sure to do is to have a sweetheart table at the reception so your wedding party can sit with their SOs.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I don't think that's rude at all! you should have people you want and not people you feel obligated to have

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    It is uncommon to go to a wedding where couples are in the wedding party. It only happens when your very best friend or relative is married to his very best friend or relative. Ordinarily, just to be accommodating to the FI or spouse of your FI's chosen person, NO. First, it means if you have a few people, that spouse knows, you only felt you had to have her, you don't really like her like the others. And she and everyone else knows it. Which gets to feel humiliating. And can lead to friction with you. Second, they may as a team push for things you just don't want. Which puts people at odds. And, third, you lose a slot for someone you really want. It happens, and is often a mistake. Especially if the couple splits. Don't do it. Do be thoughtful of your wedding party, and if they want to get ready with SO ( which is the traditional thing, this wedding party getting ready together stuff is recent reality TV stuff), say fine. Meet up an hour before the wedding, all dressed and groomed. And whether they were with you or not earlier, set a seating plan which seats wedding party beside their SO if you have a head table, for the reception. Lots of times when people suggest both be in the wedding party, it is because they know it is a lousy experience to be in the WP of people who separate WP from their dates or spouses at the reception. Most people now respect their WP relationships, and let them stay with their SO. Do, do that. And say no to any expectations that you will choose SO of your FI's guys.
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