Sick family member

I have a similar situation where my grandparents aren't doing so well.

I mentioned to my mom that I was concerned about them, I was wondering if they would be ok and if someone would be able to care for them at the wedding. My mom realized that she would rather enjoy my wedding than to have to worry about my grandparents. As much as they want to be there it's best if they stay home. That's what we're doing.

We are having a lunch party the day after with my grandparents and any other family that wants to stop by, so they will not feel left out.

I'd mention your concerns to those who would be bringing your great-grandmother. Make sure they are ok to take her home and be with her while they are there.

I don't think she's going to even want to come. I'm worried they might try to force her thinking I'd be upset if she didn't come. Every time I go visit her she seems worse.

As someone who works with seniors for a living I would calmly talk to your family about your concerns and suggest she stay home for HER own benefit, not just yours. Seniors with alzheimer's actually get very stressed out in situations that are out of the norm, especially as the disease progresses; they do better with routine in a calm environment. Honestly, her going to your wedding could stress her out more and cause her to regress further for the following days. I would talk to your family and just be honest. I don't think they should be upset, and they might be trying to get her to come because they feel you would be offended. Good luck!

I've told my grandmother my concerns and she has basically just said no I'm wrong and that my great-grandmother should come. I'm hoping her other daughter thinks differently.

Both of my grandparents had Alzheimer's. Granted, they didn't become mean or nasty, but my grandma's brother (who also has Alzheimer's) did. He's not coming to our wedding for the same reason. His family (my moms cousin's) think he'll be disruptive and throw a fit. I know it's hard, but it's probably for the best.

I think it'll be better for her to stay home - she may get confused and act out only because her surroundings have changed. I think its better if she stays home as well.

I'm sure your grandmother wants her mother to be there...and might be in denial a bit because of that. I mean, it's her mom. Where is your mom or dad in this? I'd get him or her to run interference to your grandmother and back you up. Get as many people in the family behind you as possible, for the reasons many have given above.

Worst case scenario...you cave and allow her to attend and she acts inappropriately. Everyone would understand that she has Alzheimers (and it would make for an interesting wedding video, right?) but it would be extremely stressful for you on a day that you want to be happy and carefree. Does everyone really want "Hey, remember when great-grandmother said the F word four times during Mayes' wedding ceremony" to be a collective family memory? Help them see the absurdity. Help them remember that your great-grandmother probably wouldn't want that herself if she were in her right mind. (Assuming that's true)

Let us know what happens. Stick to your guns and make sure they know that you love your great-grandmother (assuming you do) and it's better for everyone if she stays home. This is the kind of stuff that divides families. Stick to your guns kindly and firmly and be in a loving caring place in your heart when you reason with them. Good luck.

My Grandmother probably had Alzheimer's. They just didn't call it that way back when. She didn't recognize us. She thought I was her friend Elizabeth. She thought my Dad was my Grandfather. She only got upset once when we tried to explain who we were. We never did that again.

I have also worked in a nursing home with Alzheimer's patients. It's a full time job. Having your loved one at home is much more than a full time job. If you great Grandmother isn't there, who will stay with her at home? Perhaps your Grandmother wants/needs to be with her at all times? I would talk to both your Grandmother and her sister together. Explain your fears to them. I would let them use their judgement as the people who are with her everyday. I would ask them to wait until right before the date to make a final decision since you don't know how her Alzheimer's will progress.

My grandmother doesn't watch her. Her sister does when she's not a work and the sisters daughter. Several people in the family go check on her through out the day. My great-grandmother sleeps most of the day and usually doesn't wake up till the sister gets home. They can't afford to pay for someone to stay with her so she stays by herself. I don't even know if she'll make it to the wedding to be honest. She's had several surgerys the last year.

As sad as it is to say, she may not make it or may just stop having (m)any good days. There has to be a lot of guilt in leaving her alone. There's no guarantee she's going to sleep. That brings worry, what if she leaves the house, what if she falls down etc. It's not pleasant from any point of view.

We're pretty sure her younger sister isn't going to come to the wedding. I thought she might stay with her since they live about 2 minutes away from each other anyway.

I just attended a wedding where the grandparents attended via skype. That's always an option!

As bad as it sounds I don't think she would watch if we did skype. She'd ignore the computer.

DF's grandmother also has Alzeimer's and his parents decided it is best she doesn't attend our wedding. She does okay half the time, but the other half, she thinks her son is her husband and doesn't know where she is. They placed her in a home and we are going to visit her the day after the wedding, hoping she is able to recognize DF that day. Although we were both sad, we do not want to put any extra stress on her just to have her attend.

I think it is okay to just visit your grandmother after your ceremony and have lunch with her. It would probably be best for everyone involved.