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Just Said Yes September 2018

Siblings in wedding party?

Danielle , on February 17, 2018 at 3:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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Hi everyone!
I’m having a lot of trouble choosing my bridal party. My fiancé is pretty flexible on his end. I have three sisters, but two are much older than me so the one I’m actually close with is my maid of honor, and I was hers. My fiancé’s brother is his best man. Now, we each have other siblings and he is including his other brother and his brother in law. Does this mean we have to include all of our siblings and their spouses in some way? Ideally, I’d like to have my sister, and 5 of my friends. Is 6 on each side too many though? We have less than 150 people attending.

I feel obligated to even have one of the friends I’m including and it’s not worth the drama not to include her. I just don’t know what to do. I never even considered including his sisters even though he asked me if I had planned on it until his dad assumed they’d be included and asked me about it.

What are the etiquette rules for this situation?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Preslee, on March 7, 2018 at 11:35 AM

Dedicated October 2018
Katie · on February 17, 2018 at 3:40 PM
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I’m not sure what proper etiquette would be but I would think if some siblings were included and others weren’t then you’d have some hurt feelings to deal with, especially since it sounds like his sisters were hoping to be bridesmaids. I would include all of them, your bridal party size is completely up to you.

As as for the friend that’s full of drama that you feel obligated to include, if you haven’t asked her to be your BM yet than I wouldn’t, I’ve seen way too many posts on here about how to “fire” a bridesmaid. Yes it might be a little drama now if you don’t ask her but it will be worth it to not have to stress about her in your bridal party later
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Super May 2017
caitlin · on February 17, 2018 at 3:42 PM
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I don't think you need to feel obligated to include all your siblings--i've known many people who've chosen one or two (or none!) of their sibs.
you could also consider a mix of genders on each side of your WP if you want to include your FS's sisters. i had my brothers standing up on my side and H had a dear pal who is a woman on his side. but you shouldn't feel like you HAVE to include your family or his in your WP.
we had 6 on each side for our 175 person wedding--it felt like a lot to both of us, haha. but we went with it. WP size is a matter of what you can afford as well as the size of your venue--remember you'll be buying each of them a thank you gift as well as potentially paying for other costs depending on your choices (hair, makeup, attire).
good luck!
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Itsjustme · on February 17, 2018 at 3:46 PM
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I think it depends on what you want my DF and I each have a brother but only his brother is going to be in the wedding. We are also doing a tiny wedding party. 2 on each side 2 of my friends, his best friend and his brother. I know a good friend of mine is going to be upset that she's not in the wedding party and that his SIL will probably be upset that his nieces aren't in the wedding party but I really don't care it's my wedding and I'll do what I want and what makes me happy not what anyone else wants.
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Super May 2018
Summer987 · on February 17, 2018 at 3:48 PM
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You shouldn't to include a of your sisters or his. You choose who you want to include that you are close to. I'm including my 3 sisters and best friend. I'm not including my SILs or my fiance's sister or SIl. I'm not close to them. He doesn't expect me to include them either.
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Devoted November 2023
Crystal · on February 18, 2018 at 5:23 PM
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I have 2 sisters, 1 brother, 2 adult and 2 minor daughters plus one grand daughter. He has 1 sister who is married and 1 brother who will be about 19 or so then.

I will ask my 2 sisters, 2 adult daughters to stand up. My younger 2 will be junior and my grand daughter my flower girl. If my fiancé asked me to ask his sister I would. I don't know if he'd ask my brother and I really don't care. I have no plans on asking my brothers gf or if they are married by then, wife since she has no real relationship with any of us siblings though I could have their son be ring bearer.
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Beginner November 2019
Preslee · on March 7, 2018 at 11:35 AM
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We were in the same boat and decided to have all of the siblings; we didn't want to risk feelings over something like that. So we have 4 sisters total and 3 brothers in the wedding party.
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