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MaryEllen
Expert October 2016

Sibling rivalry

MaryEllen, on February 9, 2023 at 9:24 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 9

I have 2 children in their early 30s. My son has been married previously but now has a new partner and they have a one year old. My daughter has been with her partner for 4 years and has been planning her wedding for almost 2 years. My son is planning on a quiet elopement and his sister went crazy that he was planning to get married before her. He does not want to take attention away from his sister’s large wedding and is planning a party several months from now, after her wedding. My daughter is furious that he is getting married before her and is angry at me for dismissing her feelings. Can someone please tell me if there is an issue here or is my daughter being a bridezilla? I’m confused as to why she is angry,especially at me.




9 Comments

Latest activity by Keri, on February 10, 2023 at 3:24 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Yeah….your daughter is over-reacting. She gets a day. Why does it matter if he gets married before she does?
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  • Kelly
    Super October 2023
    Kelly ·
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    She's definitely over reacting. He's eloping quietly to not overshadow her day several months later. It sounds to me like she's jealous of something.

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  • MaryEllen
    Expert October 2016
    MaryEllen ·
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    Thank you! That is how I looked at it and my husband as well.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I think she would prefer you to listen to her and not call her a misogynistic word. Give her time and let her figure out how to deal with her feelings like a grownup.
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    The daughter is basically confused in that situation. Your son already married before she did. This is a second marriage for him, not his first. The other thing that seems to happen often enough is that when one sibling is engaged, another sibling gets inspired to do so -- even apart from any envy or competition. Hopefully, your daughter will see this as an endorsement of her engagement rather than a competition.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    Yeah she doesn’t get to make her siblings life stop for hers. She gets her DAY. That’s it
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    Your daughter is obviously very much in her feelings (and yes, she is over-reacting). Since talking sense into her isn’t working, I would instead try appealing to her in a different way. She obviously feels that her brother getting married before her is going to somehow upstage her. So maybe play into that and ask her if she would really want to get married first. Her day would come and go, then everyone would be immediately excited and talking about her brothers wedding. In all probability, her brothers wedding would likely be the hot topic for everybody at her reception! (are you guys ready to do this in a few months? Do you guys have everything planned? What does your dress look like? , etc etc). Play up the fact that if she goes second, everyone will be present and focused on her wedding.
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    She doesn't own the whole year. She needs to be grateful for what she has, and learn to feel happy for other people.

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  • Keri
    Keri ·
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    She is the one that decided to have a long engagement. However, planning a wedding is very stressful so I would give her a little slack. But yeah, your son is not in the wrong.
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