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Just Said Yes August 2022

Sibling Inviting Plus One Without Permission

Chelsea, on April 28, 2022 at 12:42 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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My fiancé and I recently got engaged and we are planning a relatively short engagement and intend to get married at the end of August. We decided on a small, low-key destination wedding with family and a few close friends. We chose a date and a venue and sent a couple texts to family members to let them know the plan with the idea that formal invitations would follow for people to rsvp. We received a text back from my fiancés sister letting us know that she would be there with a guest. We hadn’t even considered plus ones because we were pretty set on a more intimate ceremony with only those closest to us in attendance. On top of that, she and her husband (also one of my fiancés closest friends) separated in January and she immediately moved out of state and we haven’t seen her since then. Her (ex)husband is also invited and we previously spoke with them both about it knowing it’s a sensitive situation so that there would not be any surprises.

So, I am completely unsure how to handle the situation. Do we let it go and allow her to bring a plus one or tell her that we would prefer she doesn’t bring someone? We have never met this person and didn’t even know she was seeing someone until today. We wouldn’t be meeting him prior to our wedding and I’m just not sure that it’s the time or place for her to introduce someone given it’s a small, destination wedding.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on April 28, 2022 at 2:32 PM

VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on April 28, 2022 at 1:32 AM
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I would simply tell her politely that you are having an intimate wedding and cannot accept uninvited plus ones.
If however your wedding requires her to travel some distance she may persist or decline the invitation and it is really up to you how much you want her there and how much you would be affected by accommodating the extra guest if you let her bring one.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on April 28, 2022 at 6:58 AM
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Agreeing with the person before me. If it’s that important let her know however understand she may decline if she has to travel alone and you have to be okay with that. It’s not appropriate to ask her guest to wait at a hotel either while she attends your wedding. I’ve seen that suggested before
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Master October 2023
Cece · on April 28, 2022 at 8:14 AM
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I think if it’s a sibling, and they are being asked to travel a distance, you should always allow them a plus one. It’s one thing to request people attend your local wedding alone, but it’s completely different to request them to invest a significant amount of time, money and travel to celebrate you, then demand they do it alone. Often times, people make destination weddings little mini vacations for themselves; and it sounds like she would like to enjoy that time with her new significant other. Attending may also be making her feel very uncomfortable since her ex will be there, and bringing her new partner with her may make her feel more comfortable and better equipped to handle that awkward situation. Having a significant other with her could also serve as a “buffer” so neither party needs to feel as though they have to interact with each other. Not to mention, it may feel uncomfortable for her new SO to have his partner attending a destination wedding where he is very decidedly not invited, but her ex-boyfriend is. If you are asking people to travel to celebrate your relationship, you should definitely respect theirs.
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Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on April 28, 2022 at 1:32 PM
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No, you don't have to suck it up and let her bring her partner if you don't want him there. Of course, if your fiancé's sis being there matters more than "the guy can't come, not in a billion years" then, let it slide and invite him. If not, then stand your ground and set healthy boundaries with her.
I don't think the fact her ex is invited is a factor since you know him unlike the new boyfriend you've NEVER met. A wedding is not the right time or place to introduce people to the newlyweds. I'm not sure why you should make yourself and/or your groom uncomfortable on YOUR wedding day, she needs to understand that's it's not her event
You and your groom have to decide what matters more; having her there no matter what... or not inviting her boyfriend no matter what? We personally wouldn't invite him since you opted for a small,intimate affair only surrounded with people you know... but... we don't know how much the 2 of you love or dislike her, that counts too!
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 28, 2022 at 2:02 PM
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Politely let her know that you are keeping the guest list small and will not be having plus ones. Keeping in mind that significant others are not plus ones and you don’t decide if a 4 month relationship vs 14 years together with no plans to marry are valid.

Also, you can meet people virtually over video calls at any time.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 28, 2022 at 2:32 PM
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All of this. You can't ask her to travel to celebrate your relationship while simultaneously minimizing hers.
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