Sibling Etiquette?

As long as he isn't taking the spotlight on the day of your wedding, I don't see it as a big deal but you definitely have the right to feel the way that you do!

I totally get that your upset! However he is excited to share the news of his happy day too. I wouldn't worry too much about it because there is not much you can do that won't start a bunch more drama. People will still be excited for your invitations!

I think it's fine that they sent them out. i don't think it takes away from your day

I don't think it is to early to send out save the dates for his may wedding. I do not think they are trying to steal your spotlight. The weddings are far enough apart

I agree with other posters. While you and hour fiance are entitled to your feelings, he isn't really doing anything wrong or "overshadowing" your wedding. Sending out save the dates is a tad bit on the early side, but not significantly so. People getting 2 pieces of mail within a week or so of each other isn't going to make them forget about your wedding.

Save the dates are typically sent out 6-12 months before the wedding. With so many postponed weddings, maybe they have other people in their social circle getting married too that time of year and want people to mark their calendars.
It's valid to feel what you do but guests will be excited for both events so I wouldn't stress too much. Unless everything they are planning is identical to yours.

I don't think save the dates would take any spotlight away from your wedding. You will still be getting married before them.

Save the dates are typically sent 6-12 months before the wedding depending on the amount of out of town guests. With August being half over, I don't think it is all that early to send them out, though I do prefer closer to the 6 month mark.

He’s doing absolutely nothing wrong.

You are always entitled to your feelings. However, this shouldn't be resulting in even one moment of drama. It's a non-issue - he is following the appropriate timing of when to send out Save the Dates. I'm sure your family and friends have enough happiness and love in their hearts to celebrate both couples!

"I am I wrong to be upset? I feel it is etiquette to let his brother have the spotlight, plus it’s so early for May save the dates. Please let me know- the amount of drama this is causing is unhealthy."

Many people like to say, "all feelings are valid" but I don't actually think it's reasonable/valid for you to be upset about this. Sending save the dates can in no way be construed as stealing anyone's spotlight. Each couple is sending mail. Recipients will probably be as excited (or not excited) about receiving these pieces of mail as they would be if they got them one day apart or 1 year apart.

If this is truly causing unhealthy drama, then that should be nipped in the bud as soon as possible. You and your future spouse can only control your own reactions and I strongly recommend you decline to participate in any drama.

I am reminded of the saying “Allowing others to shine does not dim your own light”

Their wedding plans take nothing from you, and provided they choose at least a week apart for the weddings, everything is fine. This idea of holding the spotlight for a period of time is a self centered concept from dramas on TV or celebrities, where they all fight for attention all the time, but sharing love and attention is more appropriate social manners. People will receive other people's wedding or birth announcements, wedding, shower and baby shower invitations, and Graduation things throughout the months around your wedding, and it is all fine. It would be rude for them to announce their wedding or pregnancy for the first time, while at your wedding, or hand out actual invitations to their wedding at theirs. That is it. Not asked- they are sending out their save the dates way too soon, unless it is an international destination wedding.

If they were handing out save the dates or invitations at your wedding, decided to get married the same day as you, or announced their engagement at your wedding , you’d have the right to be offended. I don’t think it’s all that early for save the dates for a May wedding either (particularly as a PP said, a lot of weddings have been postponed from this year so they could have a few happening in their circle so need to let people know). I don’t see it as spotlight stealing by sending them a week after your formal invitations - make like Elsa and let it go. It can only cause drama if you let it cause drama.

Edit: also, remember that no-one will be as excited about your wedding as you and your FH are. I very much doubt a single person invited to both weddings is going to forget about your wedding just because they received a save the date for another wedding not long after.

It’s totally fine. You’re getting married in September 2020.... they’re getting married in May 2021. You each have your own spotlights, so don’t worry!

View Quoted Comment Well said!

Yes you’re being dramatic. You can’t control what other people do with their own weddings. There’s enough attention to go around. Let it go!

I'd say it's wayy soon to be sending out save the dates for a May wedding. Traditionally, save the dates should go out about 4-6 months before the wedding. So really they shouldn't be sending them until after your wedding. But, I wouldn't let it get to you. It won't take any of the excitement away from you or your day.

Literally in same situation. i just wrote this on another post. one month before the wedding his brother decides to propose to his gf. idc if people say its wrong to be upset. i think it was just disrespectful and he should have waited or done it a bit earlier