Ugh, where to begin with this whole story. I’ll just try and keep it short with the TLDR. All sorts of family drama tied up in this planning.
Anyway, FW and I have been engaged for about 2.5 years now (really 1.5ish when this all started). Part of this was our equal laziness in not getting things together, we’ve had moves along the way, a new house or two, but truly, we should’ve just started planning the instant we got engaged. Instead, we put it off and here we are. I take a lot of that responsibility on myself for not pushing more back then.
As far as it goes, we started trying to plan in early 2019 for a January 2020 wedding. My parents, mom especially, were concerned the date would conflict with my brother’s Division I lacrosse season. Literally, his pre-season lacrosse practices. A sport.. So much so, that she told us he wouldn’t be able to come (without even discussing with him), and told us our wedding would be a disappointment and sad because she wanted all of her three boys there. There were many other terrible things said as well, like “How dare fiancée enter our family on those terms...,” etc. Our relationship with them really spiraled from there. Many arguments on all sides ensued. My fiancée stuck up for me plenty of times to help show she had my back. I so appreciated her.
Anyway, fast forward almost a year, and we basically spent a lot of 2019 working through our relationship as a result of what happened. We’ve gotten to such a good place and are stronger than ever, but trying to get over this planning hump. This whole thing put a lot of strain on us and what we were going through. A lot of it was I didn’t know how to stand up to my parents, and that led to an inability to stick up for her. I also realized that I have some personal issues to work through with our familial relationship... But all in all, I gained a lot of perspective.
So, here we are. We recently decided we want to do an elopement, or at least a small <50ish ceremony at a National Park (special use permits are fun!). Though, it’s smack dab during my brother’s lacrosse season - March 7th. This means that he would be unable to attend. I want him there, I really do. But even stretching back to the beginning he was unwilling to flex or put in the effort. Should I be expecting more? We’re also looking to potentially have a larger gathering in the fall where we could include him once his season is over.
Anyway, this date means a lot to us; it’s when we first met! I‘m torn. I love this new wedding idea. I really do. It’s quaint, will be beautiful, low-key, and I know it’ll make her happy in the long run. The key people on her side of the family and our friends will be there to support us. I also know she (and myself) don’t want to postpone our wedding any longer. But, my main concerns are timing, and how my parents are going to react to this news, especially considering we’re 45 days out, roughly... Not to mention, we haven’t sent any invitations out to anyone, aside from word of mouth. Truthfully, no deposits were submitted either - but we have had our planner at the ready, ready to pull the trigger on this new plan. Should we postpone the wedding even further, maybe to the fall? That would make it more inclusive across the board for everyone additional we would like to attend - this is just a nice-to-have. Or, is it better to get it done and over with if it’s small enough - and thus something that would truly grow the bond between my fiancée and myself? I’m struggling with the balance of trying to protect her from the wrath of my family, while also recognizing that a fall date would give people more time. And then when I think of that, I just think... isn’t the day about the two of us? And if so, then maybe it’s better to just do it, even if it opens up a deeper rift between the two families. Advice would absolutely be appreciated.
