shower/bachelorette party who pays?

As the MOH, she should have discussed this with your BM. Some BM are more forward and will offer themselves, some aren't, but she definitely is not responsible for hosting alone. She should have asked them what they could afford to contribute. I have been a BM and MOH in multiple weddings. Typically, the MOH will discuss what the bride wants and them the BM will divy up the responsibilities. For example, I'm planning my friend's shower right now and she wants to have it at a vineyard...so I've been contacting local vineyards about their rental fees and sharing that information with the BMs, and together we will pick which one we think is best.

In showers I've been a part of, usually one person orders invites and takes care of RSVPs, one takes care of favors, one takes care of decorations, one does a cake, everyone contributes to the dishes that are served, although one or two BM might take responsibility for ordering/picking up the food if they are getting it from a deli. Either people make and bring certain things or contribute a $ amount to the food that is purchased. Everyone helps set up and clean up.

It is not too late to have the discussion. If your MOH already booked a place, bought things, etc. she should let the girls know how much she paid and ask them to split it (take the amount and divide by the # of BM). If that is too much for someone to afford, then she should ask them to contribute an amount they can. If she hasn't bought/paid for things yet, she should follow what I described above. Sounds like she needs to be more assertive!

We just did my friend's bachelorette...we all split dinner (we paid her way) and then we bought her drinks throughout the night...she spent $0.

She didn't have a shower because her entire guest list is out of town, but us bridesmaids would have definitely offered to help pay whatever her sister (MOH) planned.

Based on my understanding, whoever is hosting the shower pays. If it is just your MOH hosting the shower, that cost is on her. If it is her and all the BMs hosting, it should be split between them. As for the bachelorette party, every one that I've attended each girl pays for her own and then chips in a little to cover the bride's expenses (although none of the bachelorette parties that I've attended have been destination parties, simply a night out on the town for dinner and drinks).

This is a tough one. First I'd say cut the surprise of all of this & tell her be straight up... what are you planning & how much does it cost. My BM (9 & 1 MOH) are 60% my 3 younger sisters who are 21, 18 & 17 and 3 cousins who are 21, 21 & 22 (Im 25)my other BM are my high school best whos in the navy stationed in Hawaii & my FH closest cousin & his closest female friend. So I asked what shes planning. For the shower she wants to do a tea lightly catered like a luncheon. Well my aunt has event property she rents out (one of my BM's mother) my moh is getting that free. I told her forget the full catering order the main items (3 things) and each BM in the state at the time (total 6) will make or buy another dish you request. They will all help her clean & set up. Total for the shower bc of specific decore she wants & a fancy cake & candy bar shes spending about $300 for 35 guest. Trying to do all that alone plus get a venue would be 1000+. For the bach due to the distance of all the BM & ages we are just doing something smaller w/ about 4 or 5 women who can alk afford themselves. Id talk to you moh, you know your BM better than she does. This does not seem like a time where a surprise id appropriate.

I have been a MOH/BM on several occasions. In each wedding, the bridal party got together and discussed finances first. Once we had our budget, then everyone was given an assignment (invitations, décor, etc.) If it was catered, then we all brought dessert. If not, then each of us was assigned a side and dessert and the money went towards food (main and appetizers) and cake.

The shower is paid for by the host - I'm a BM for a friend and the MOH & another BM were hosting and paid for most (MOB chipped in as well) but me and another BM offered to help out...but ultimately we are hosting the bachelorette and paying for the bulk of it, so we figured it kind of evened itself out. We are paying for most of the bachelorette, and had people attending chip in a bit to cover certain costs - but nothing too crazy.

Your MOH offered the shower, so she pays, unless the BMs offered to pitch in. They didn't, so she's on her own. Same goes for the bachelorette. If she offered to throw it and the BMs didn't offer to pitch in, shes again on her own. With a bachelorette, however, usually everyone pays for their own meal/drinks/hotel/whatever, except the bride (though I think if the bride wants a weekend getaway/Vegas/cruise, she needs to pay for her own way)

Shower; the host/hostess pays.

bachelorette; everyone chips in except the bride.

I honestly don't know a lot depends on how their financial situation is. My bridal shower was hosted by my mother stepfather and MOH and 1 bridesmaid. I have 4 bridesmaids but only one chipped in MOH asked them but it became an issue so she planned everything herself. My bachelorrete party is going to be at Disney and I am offering to pay for my hotel and will most likely pay for my own food I am not sure. We are all on a tight budget so that is the only way we can do a bachelorrete if we all chip in including myself.

Ditto to what Celia said. If the other bridesmaids didn't offer, then maybe they didn't realize they were expected to (I didn't know that in some regions/areas/social circles that the bridesmaids are expected to pay for the shower - in my area/social circle, whoever hosts it pays for it).

My MOH hosted my shower (in her home) and each BM contributed a cooked dish. (I was my suggestion because I didn't want any one person having to take care of everything). My bachelorette was dinner and a trip to a casino. Everyone chipped in for my dinner and I provided my own gambling money.

Thanks for all the feedback! It helped clear some stuff up

I think it's up to the bridal party to figure out with each other. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the MOH did nothing and one bridesmaid was on the other side of the world, so she couldn't help out much. Me and the bridesmaid who was local pretty much ended up paying for everything. Not ideal, but it was what it was.

My BM'S split the cost of everything 4 ways. No one paid more than anyone else. I would ask your moh to discuss a budget with everyone to see what they can afford.

Whoever *offers* to host and contribute to shower costs, pays. No one is obligated to host or pay for a shower. Since your MOH is the host, she pays. It would be nice if the other BMs offered but they aren't required.

For the bachelorette party, everyone pays their own way and usually the wedding party splits the cost for the bride, but this should be discussed in advance and depends on the activity. For example, the bride should not expect airfare and hotel paid for. That is extravagant.