Shower / meet and greet

In all honesty, while your intentions are lovely, they could lead to you potentially overstepping boundaries.

Your future daughter-in-law doesn't need to meet your friends (though I do understand the desirability of this as I myself come from a family in which I know all my parents' friends and over the years at events they have met my husband) and it may be a bit out of place to host a 'meet and greet' with your friends and the bride. If you want to make these introductions, consider smaller events unrelated to the wedding, such as inviting your son and his bride to dinner at your home with one or two couples you are friends with or otherwise let it just occur naturally through gatherings over time.

Regarding the bridal shower, I think it would be best to speak to your son and future daughter-in-law and ask them if they are ok with you throwing her a bridal shower. They may not want a bridal shower (whether or not they need anything for their home) but you are far better off asking them first before thinking up any ideas.

Because it is inappropriate to invite people to a shower who are not invited to the wedding, how would you go about telling those not invited to the wedding that they have to leave before the shower starts? That is a logistical nightmare that will not go over well with most.



The best thing to do is host an engagement meet and greet. Gifts are optional and they don’t have the same etiquette rules as a shower.

Since they are not registered and showers are for physical gifts, they will receive many gifts they don’t want and can’t return.

Unfortunately inviting folks to a shower but not the wedding is against etiquette and may hurt feelings.

Congrats to your family! Before you do anything I d talk to them both about it, if you d be inviting people that will not be invited to the wedding I wouldn't label it a shower. Just have a nice gathering of friends and family, if people want to bring a gift they will but it shouldn't be expected.

I think it’s best to talk to them about this before making any decisions. Since they have been living together and don’t want/need a shower, choosing to throw them one could lead to them receiving a bunch of gifts that they don’t want, need or have space for. While your intentions may be good and coming from a loving place, this could be very overwhelming. Having a get together where family could meet each other sounds like a good idea, maybe it could be a family BBQ when the weather gets nicer, or brunch at home; but again, I would check with them first. I suggest expressing your feelings about how you’d love to have an opportunity for family/friends to meet them, and share the idea of an informal get together. Ultimately, I wouldn’t stress about it too much, whatever they decide they’d like to do. It’s a blessing that your son is marrying a wonderful woman. Congratulations

You could host an engagement party, brunch, lunch, or tea with your friends who will not be invited to the wedding. These events aren't generally gift-giving occasions, so people who will not be invited to the wedding can be invited to them without a breach of etiquette. I would ask them about a shower at all, since they aren't registering, and shower gifts are usually physical gifts (as opposed to monetary gifts), they may not wish to have a shower. Either way, I would talk to them about what they want - but just ask, don't insist (there are way. too. many. discussions on these boards from brides/grooms whose parents are insisting on things that they don't want).

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with all of this.

I would definitely talk to your son and future daughter-in-law. I'm a bit in the same position (except I'm the bride) and I had a complete meltdown with my fiancé after his mom said she wanted to throw me a second shower separate from the one my MOH is planning. I'm not big on attention and being in a room, full of just her friends and family - none of whom I know - with all the attention on me, is my nightmare. I broke down in absolute tears because I didn't want to hurt my mother-in-law's feelings (because she's lovely and I adore her) but the idea of doing that was so far beyond my comfort zone (and felt more about her than about doing something for me). So we talked it out between the two of us, and then he talked to his mom about having her friends (who are invited to the wedding) come to the shower my MOH is throwing and suggesting that she throws us an engagement party instead if she'd like to throw something. This way a) she can invite whomever she wants and b) my fiancé will be there as my buffer.

Something along these lines might work better in your situation as well, but regardless you need to speak with your son and his fiancee. And respect whatever they decide. They may love the idea, they may prefer not to. And that's okay! And not a slight on you at all! The best part is your son is marrying someone whom he loves and you find wonderful. Those are truly blessings.