Shower invite situation

I would just kindly explain that due to circumstances out of your hands you will only be able to have a your wedding with immediate family. I think people are being a lot more understanding given the current situation.

Maybe you can ask for this to be after the wedding ? A post wedding celebration

Accept the shower graciously and attend with a smile on your face. It is very common and acceptable to have showers with people who will not be attending the wedding because they want to celebrate with you. Groups all over from coworkers to book clubs to church members regularly host these and you go with the flow. It's more rude to not accept their gift of a party in your honor.

Oh I forgot to add, FMIL thinks we should let her invite her friends out of fairness as well because my side has more people at the moment (simply because I have a larger family)

View Quoted Comment Okay this makes me feel better. I would hate to have been rude, even when we have a good reason with Covid

Contact the friends directly and explain that your plans have changed and are now having a very small, family-only wedding. Thank them for their generous offer and decline it. Showers are for guests who will be invited to the wedding. It's really rude to ask someone to a party that is literally for giving gifts when they won't be invited to the main event.

I think you and FH need to figure out your guest list and be honest with FMIL about who will and won’t be invited to the wedding before anyone starts any actual plans for the shower.

FMIL put you in a very difficult situation when she accepted the offer without speaking with you and FH first. If it were me, I would have DH speak with his mother and let her know that we are unable to invite her friends and she would need to inform them and decline the offer to have them host a shower.

When people not invited to the wedding, who know they are not invited, like co-workers, choir, bookclub, team, as a group want to give a shower anyways, it is fine. And the bride goes, provided all the people invited are not going except the bride or moms. But showers do not mix those going to the wedding ( closer , giving regular shower gifts) with those not going ( who give very small gifts, or all chip in small amounts for a couple gifts.)
Not fair to mix those invited with those not. With this shower, FMIL pushing for Invitations makes me think that the women friends may be hoping to be invited. And planning to mix people going with those not going.
It really has to be all people not invited, who are fine with not be invited, not wishing to be. I get the feeling FMIL would have them invite guests who are going, family. Or invite others, who are not close to the bride. And not care. But might create bad feeling everywhere.

It's perfectly acceptable to allow them to host the shower for you without them being invited to the wedding. As others have said, this happens often and people are especially understanding given the current circumstances. Don't stress too much about it. Just enjoy the events and days leading up to your wedding, and remember, it's your day so invite who you want and do what you want.