Hello! Getting married this year, and am wondering if I should tell someone I am not asking them to be a BM or if I should wait for them to inquire/figure it out they are not one on their own.
Backstory details (FEEL FREE TO READ OR SKIP AND ANSWER THE ABOVE AS A PURE ETIQUETTE QUESTION): The wedding party includes my brother as man of honour, and for bridesmaids I chose a best friend since elementary school, a best friend since middle school, 2 university best friends, and my future SIL (ie my partner's sister). Not overly concerned about symmetry, but wedding has 80-90 guests, venue is somewhat small (capacity 100-120), and partner has only has 3 standing total (BM + 2 other party members). Wedding party is mixed men and women, and there are hypothetically other male and female friends who I could have asked. However, I do not feel any need to sit down and explain to them why they were not selected as members of the wedding party, and all of these friends have RSVPed happily with no questions asked.
The awkward part: there was another friend (we'll call them X) who I considered asking to be a BM, but decided against it. Unfortunately, they are still good friends with one of my BMs and somewhat-ish friends-by-association with another BM. The other 3 BMs have never met X. I chose not to ask X because:
a) we have barely spoken or seen each other in 6 months despite living in the same town,
b) I feel our friendship has drifted in the past year and a half and we have little in common nowadays,
c) X tends to be flaky and negative/pessimistic (this stresses me out as a Type-A personality),
d) when I video called X in a group chat with the two pals (now BMs) who knew them to share the engagement news/story initially, X said nothing and left the room for most of the group chat (negative points for wedding and relationship enthusiasm in my books),
e) I feel as though I am no longer comfortable confiding in X or sharing personal information, as they tend to gossip about it to other people (who I happen to dislike),
f) I realized I only considered myself friends with X because I was forced to be friends with them by a previous childhood best friend/now "enemy" (***"enemy" in the sense that we have not spoken, spent time together, or seen each other in several years since a big fight that I apologized for),
g) as I went through the pros and cons in my head, I realized I was only asking X out of obligation/to avoid hurt feelings and drama, not because I was excited to ask them to share this day with me as a BM, and
h) my future partner is not fond of X despite only meeting them once (though they are more than willing to have X in the wedding party if it is important to me and if it will not cause me stress to have X present...see c). Future partner, however, is good friends with the university pal BMs (and obviously their sister), and has met and liked the elementary/middle school BMs in recent years when they travelled home for the holidays.
I did invite X to the wedding, and am happy to say they RSVPed. I am, however, firm on X not being a bridesmaid. Dresses have already been ordered (out of stock now), wedding party has met several times to discuss things, etc , so this post is not about me changing my mind and asking them to be a BM.
The two BMs that know X have expressed concerns about when I am going to tell X I have not asked them. These friends are familiar with the reasons I did not ask X and agree that they have noticed the growing distance. My original plan was to only explain the situation to X if X brought it up. I honestly thought X would mention something when they received the wedding invitation, but no questions have been asked and that convenient opportunity is now gone.
On the other hand, the 3 BMs who do not know X + my mother + MOH + FMIL + future partner all think that I should not mention anything unless X brings it up.
So what do I do? Should I tell X face-to-face that I am not asking them to be a BM, or should I just wait to see if X brings it up?
Thanks 
