Should we tell Fh’s parents his sister isn’t invited?

I would definitely tell them in advance but I would give it more time and hope that things work out. I wouldn’t want them to find out at the wedding and then have a problem.

I would have him tell them ahead of time. I think this is a conservation that he needs to sit down in person and discuss with them.

I would not go out of my way to tell them either way, unless asked directly. Sis may be perfectly fine about it, thinking she would not come if you did invite her. So do the parents a favor, keep them out of it. Sis is grown, your FI is grown . This is between the two of them. Parents and you are bystanders who should not get involved. If they put you on the spot, and say they heard from sis she wasn't invited, then be honest with a minimum of details. Recently brother and sister have not been getting along, and both seem really upset about it. I am staying out of things as much as possible. They are adults. If they patch things up soon, she will likely be at the wedding. If the two of them still want to keep their distance, everyone best stay out of it til they come around. Let's talk about something else, and let them work things out as they will. And don't discuss it any more. FI can tell them straight out, it is between him and sis, leave it alone. When parents are fighting between themselves, it is rotten for them to bring the children into it, as it usually blows the whole family apart long term. And the same is true in the case of grown kids fighting . Let it stay between them. Don't put the parents in the position of taking sides.

Umm you should be telling the sister that she's not invited rather than the parents. Wouldn't they find out from her anyways?

View Quoted Comment They might find out from her, but I can’t talk to her if my FH doesn’t want to talk to her. This is absolutely between them and I don’t want to do something to make him uncomfortable. Ideally he and his sister would work it out.

View Quoted Comment Oh no, we would talk to them together just as a heads up so they don’t get surprised or hurt she’s not there. But like I said, they are completely aware of the situation and have talked to her about fixing it with us because they know we are not at fault.

View Quoted Comment I think you’re right. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately we don’t all live in the same state, so outside of my shower and the wedding we’re not sure when we’ll see them in person.

I have three siblings and two siblings in law and while I don’t know your situation, I can say that you will end up regretting that you didn’t invite your future sister in law. Siblings and families fight - sometimes for days, months, years. I’m getting married at the end of the summer and while I’ve had my moments with all of my siblings, I couldn’t imagine them not being there or knowing that I did not invite them. In the end it is up to her the invite is accepted or declined but years down the road you can’t say you didn’t try. Be careful about trying to make a point about something as sacred as a wedding. You never know what could happen down the road or the type of relationship you could have. I’m sorry you have to go through this in the midst of a pandemic and planning a wedding. I feel awful for you especially because siblings are supposed to be so supportive during these times and it’s a shame you aren’t receiving that and it is putting such a sour note on your day

View Quoted Comment Ok everyone has different opinions on how things should be communicated. I cannot stand my FH's older brother for various reasons. One of them is he plays telephone games (i.e. Has his mommy communicate things to me instead of him telling me to my face). So that's why I suggested not to have the parents tell her that she's not invited; but if your FH doesn't want to talk to her and has not been then I can understand your type of approach.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately it isn’t really a matter of a fight. From even before she met me, she decided she didn’t like me. The day she met me she ignored me in front of her family and it was bad enough that their mom and grandma were asking her why she was ignoring me. Since then it’s only gotten worse - literally going out of her way to ignore me and my FH. She refuses to acknowledge me as a person and even less as her brothers fiancé. To this day I haven’t even been able to say “hello” to her because she just walks away when I am there. My FH doesn’t want her there, and to be honest seeing her makes me uncomfortable because I know how I am going to be treated. Ultimately I left it up to him to decide, but I told him I’m willing to keep trying.

View Quoted Comment Oh we don’t want his parents to tell her she’s not invited. We won’t be telling her she’s not invited, she can figure that out herself. We were considering telling them just so that they knew for sure what was happening so that they weren’t caught off guard the day of the wedding. We absolutely don’t want them to tell her and that isn’t the intent.

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That's really sad to hear. Have you ever thought of reaching out to her personally? Sometimes when individuals are experiencing pain or uncertainty they act out in certain ways that really have nothing to do with you or your FH and everything to do with what they are experiencing. Maybe she has something going on that no one knows about or there are things happening beneath the surface. Her actions sound like a cry for help, to be honest. Not that it's your "job" to help but sometimes just being kind and considerate and reaching out can do wonders and lets her know that someone cares and wants her to be part of a celebration for your family. Regardless, I wouldn't disinvite just yet even if you both don't want her there at the moment - that could lead to huge regret down the line. Especially during an uncertain time like now, everyone needs someone for support and I imagine she would be tremendously hurt if she was not invited and that's something you can't undo.

View Quoted Comment I have considered it, but I know my FH wouldn’t appreciate it. I also don’t talk to my dad and haven’t in almost 10 years. He’s just not a good person, and that’s a fact. I’ve told my FH that I don’t want him to ever take it upon himself to reunite me with my dad since that’s not his place, and he would never do that. Likewise, I don’t want to do that to him.