Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

P
Just Said Yes March 2018

Should We invite them?

Priscilla, on February 4, 2018 at 4:03 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
Hi everyone! Question! I’m an elective high school teacher and my fiancé is a teacher at the same school. We have about 6 students that we both are close to. We’ve known them since their freshmen year and they’re seniors now. As you could imagine, we talk with these kids on a daily basis, they have become an important part of our lives. My question is.. is it wrong to invite them to our wedding? My worry is that there will be alcohol and even though they won’t be able to drink, the rest of our guests will and they are teachers as well. I don’t know if our other guests (teachers) will feel uncomfortable with students seeing them drink. Should we not invite the students?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on February 5, 2018 at 5:03 PM
  • fallinthegarden
    Master October 2017
    fallinthegarden ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm a teacher and this seems wildly inappropriate. That is crossing a big professional boundary to invite kids to an event like that. Not to mention that it is obviously showing favoritism to some specific students.

    I would also be super uncomfortable as another teacher at an event with my students there. I would feel like I couldn't drink or dance, and that I'd have to constantly watch my conversations and behavior. I know that I'm an adult and can do my own thing outside of school, but I would never want pictures of me drinking snapchatted to the entire school, and I would be constantly afraid of that.

    • Reply
  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with PP. I think it would be an uncomfortable situation
    • Reply
  • Mcellist
    Super March 2019
    Mcellist ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Don't do it. Alcohol + students + you= possible loss of your teaching license.

    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Professionals need to know where to draw the line. These are students, not friends.

    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Super May 2018
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    This seems like it has the potential to badly. What would their parents think? The other teachers there would definitely feel uncomfortable as well.

    Can you do something else with these students to mark the occasion? I think it would be different if they were a bit older and in college. I saw a news story a while ago where an elementary teacher invited her whole class to the ceremony only. I would be interested to hear others opinions, but this could be a situation where you could have the students come to the ceremony and not the reception. I know that is always an ettiquite no no but this might be an exception.
    • Reply
  • Baconater
    Dedicated April 2017
    Baconater ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    No. No. No. No. No. So many ethical boundaries this crosses.

    I'm surprised you're an experienced teacher asking this quite frankly.

    • Reply
  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Agree with previous posters—no. You’re their teachers first and foremost.
    • Reply
  • Jess
    Dedicated October 2018
    Jess ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Depends. Will they have graduated by your wedding? (It's not letting me see your wedding date). If they'll be fully graduated and out of school, I really don't think it is a problem. We had teachers invite students out after they had graduated because technically, we weren't their students anymore.
    • Reply
  • C
    Devoted September 2020
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Also a teacher saying nope.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I'm a pediatric specialist and I see have has similar thoughts for some of my very close patients, but it is a big no-no.
    • Reply
  • Dillydilly
    Dedicated April 2018
    Dillydilly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    No no no and again.....No. Boundaries, people, boundaries!!! I am a teacher and this is a bad idea. Here is another HUGE flag: Your other guests will be teachers? How are they gonna let their hair down and have a good time with students sitting there? Think of your other guests. They will end up on FB, Instagram, Snapchat, etc and it WILL affect them professionally.

    I am surprised you are asking this question as well. I don't tell my students my first name, let alone invite them anywhere near my personal life.

    Edited to add: I would not invite former students after graduation, either.

    • Reply
  • Dillydilly
    Dedicated April 2018
    Dillydilly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Me neither OG Gretchen. At work I am there for them 100%. After work....not so much. I would decline a wedding where students would be there as well.

    • Reply
  • JerseyGirl
    Master May 2017
    JerseyGirl ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Generally no it’s a bad idea and in many cases could be against board policy. If you are in the same building as them I definitely would not invite them.

    I will admit I did have three students attend my wedding but in a completely different situation. I had them in middle school and they were seniors now out of district. I had taken them on college tours and trips with parental permission. These three were like my adopted daughters from middle school on and attended family functions, graduations, etc.
    • Reply
  • fallinthegarden
    Master October 2017
    fallinthegarden ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Same here.

    I would also probably leave a wedding I arrived at if there were students there unexpectedly.

    • Reply
  • M
    Super August 2018
    Marta ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I wouldn’t invite them. If they had already graduated maybe. But as guest id wouldn’t feel comfortable having students there if i worked in the same school
    • Reply
  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    What everyone else said. I understand being close to students but it is very inappropriate and potentially against school policy to do this. I totally understand where you're coming from as I was a theatre kid in high school, so you spend hours and hours with your cast and with the teachers, to the point you may feel like good friends, but it's your responsibility to keep those boundaries in place while they are still students.

    • Reply
  • J
    Expert August 2045
    Julia ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    In the Spa Industry (as well as many other industries) we have something called transference and countertransference. This is where the relationship between the client and the therapist become more than professional by either the therapists or clients doing respectively. This can lead to inappropriate behavior, favoritism and can bring nothing but trouble.

    In many ways this could be applied to your situation. I would definitely hold off on inviting students, especially if alcohol is at the event. What if your boss or coworkers found out? How would the parents react? I could see this leading to possible unemployment or with alcohol involved, even possibly a lawsuit. I may be overreacting but I would think twice before doing this
    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted April 2018
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    No my students keep asking if they can come to my wedding. I had a lot of them in 7th, 8th, and 10th grade, and they’re now in 11th. I understand the feeling but it’s not appropriate. You can celebrate with them at school afterwards. Wedding cupcakes?
    • Reply
  • Dillydilly
    Dedicated April 2018
    Dillydilly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am not even telling my students - I will leave on Thursday as Miss So and So and return as Mrs. So and So the following Tuesday. My population would never pop in and find the event but I would not let any info leak just in case.

    It is against board policy to be FB friends with a student in my school (unless you have a niece/nephew who is a student) let alone fraternize.

    Just please....don't.

    • Reply
  • Kelley
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Kelley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    As a teacher I would strongly urge you not to do this. Alcohol+Students seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics