J
Just Said Yes July 2022

Should this person be in my wedding?

Jessica, on September 27, 2021 at 1:31 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 12
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I have been friends with this girl since kindergarten, but I don't really want her in my wedding. Over the years she has become more and more intolerable. I just don't really want the stress of having her there while I am getting ready and at any other event. If it is just me and her she acts normal, but if she is around a lot of people she starts screaming and being dramatic. Her and two of my other friends are all in a group text together and we all talk pretty much everyday. I want the other two girls in the wedding though and I feel like that might cause issues. I plan on having 5 bridesmaids my 2 college best friends as my maids of honor because I cannot choose between them, my cousin, and the two other girls in the group chat. I just feel wrong if I don't ask her because I have known her the longest. She was supposed to be in one of the girls weddings who is in the group chat but she never came to events leading up to it. They ended up getting in a fight and she got kicked out of the wedding. They obviously have made up since then. I asked that friend what to do and she told be I had to ask her even after what happened to her. I am just so conflicted. What would you all do?

12 Comments

Latest activity by Elri, on September 28, 2021 at 10:42 AM
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Your first sentence says it all - that you don't really want her in your wedding. So I wouldn't ask her just because you've been friends for awhile. I would just let her attend as a guest.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    I agree with this. If your heart is saying you don't want her in the bridal party, don't include her in the bridal party. You are under no obligation. She can be invited as a guest if you so choose.

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  • S
    Expert September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Exactly was Yasmine said. If you don't want her in it, that is definitely fine. Invite her as a guest and keep the peace in your bridal party.

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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    Yeah, this 100%.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Follow your gut. Is she part of your current innermost support system? If not, then don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. I would not ask her to be a guest either.
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  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
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    No. Absolutely not
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  • J
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Jenny ·
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    No I would not have her in the wedding if you don't want to.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    "I have been friends with this girl since kindergarten, but I don't really want her in my wedding."

    No need to read past your first sentence - NO

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master September 2019
    Jacks ·
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    Agree with this!

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  • Elri
    Dedicated September 2021
    Elri ·
    • Flag
    You don’t want her there but you don’t feel right not asking her. You don’t feel close to her like your other friends especially your college friends but you’ve known her the longest. She annoys you and you don’t want her antics on your special day or any events leading up to the day. She did not show up for events related to your other friends Wedding and she was kicked out of that Wedding but this friend who kicked her out says you need to invite her to be in yours.
    Has this friend been a good friend to you regardless of the fact that you may not be as close and that she annoys you when your around others? Would you want her to ask you to be in her Wedding if the situation was turned? Are you to then exclude her from your group texts whenever you talk about the Wedding so you don’t hurt her feelings? What will that do long term to your relationship and what kind of uncomfortable positions will you be putting your other friends in? Would excluding her hurt her and make you look bad to the friend group? It seems like you asked everyone to be in the Wedding except her, so there’s no way just to have your college besties by your side at this point. I think the answer is easy, invite her but try to uncover what went wrong with being a bridesmaid at your other friends Wedding. Maybe by opening up the conversation she may reveal something that might make a difference in her decision to be in the Wedding or not and together you can come to a final decision. Could it have been financial reasons ? Could it be she has social anxiety around groups of people? Maybe just as much as you don’t want her in your Wedding she may not want to be in the Wedding. I would approach the conversation with a very personal touch.
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  • J
    Just Said Yes July 2022
    Jessica ·
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    I haven't asked anyone to be in my wedding yet. But, everything you stated is what I have been thinking. We are not as close as we used to be, but I know she would be there for me if I needed as would I for her. We have gotten into fights in the past, but that was high school and we are 25 years old now. After thinking about all of the things you stated, I think I am going to ask her. I am going to be upfront about costs, behavior, and other expectations. She can decline if she wishes as can all of my bridesmaids. I know being a bridesmaid is demanding financially and timewise and I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I do believe this friend would be an asset to helping me plan my wedding because she is pretty creative. I do believe there are some underlying issues at to why she acts the way that she does sometimes. I will have a talk with her when I ask her. If she starts to cause problems I will talk to her or have one of my other bridesmaids talk to her. Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it!

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  • Elri
    Dedicated September 2021
    Elri ·
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    Good luck and maybe consider just having your College friends as bridesmaids since you didn’t ask everyone yet? Just a thought…
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