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Soon2Bemarried
Dedicated October 2022

Should My Future sil Be Invited To Bachelorette Party?

Soon2Bemarried, on November 11, 2020 at 10:35 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 32
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Hi Wedding Wire Family! I’m currently in a pickle and please don’t judge me for what I’m about to say (lol). But, I’m not really close with my future sister in law at all. When we see each other we say hello, but the conversation doesn’t go beyond that. There’s no bad blood, there’s just no connection and so with that...I think it would be very weird if she was at my bachelorette party. This is the topic. I’ve already been asked what are something’s I’d like to do for my bachelorette party by my MOH. Now granted, I wouldn’t be planning it anyways, but I’ve made it clear my future sister in law wouldn’t be someone to invite. But according to wedding party tradition, she’s supposed to be in attendance...help??? I want to spend that time with my girls and have a blast and I want to be around people that I click with. We’re not friends, we don’t hang out and we only talk when my fiancé is around. My bridesmaids crew is only 3 people, including her, and another bridesmaid who would still be a minor even by the time we have the wedding (which depending on what the bachelorette party is doing, the minor would still be invited)...so I think it would be noticeable that my future sil is not present and would cause a stir of drama. Thoughts? Advice?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on December 23, 2020 at 5:07 PM
  • Sharon
    Expert September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    Is she in your bridal party? If so I'd think it would be very awkward, at the very least, to not invite her which could make your relationship even worse. She may not come or it might be the bonding experience you need. You never know.
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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    Yes, she’s in the bridal party. I thought it might be awkward as well, optically at least.
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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    If she's in the wedding party, she should be invited to any pre-wedding events. If you aren't close with her, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid?
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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    Hi Hannah, I only asked for her to be a bridesmaid because my sister is a bridesmaid and I wanted my brother to be a groomsmen and thought it would like weird if my both siblings were in the wedding and my fiancé’s sister wasn’t. Is it too tacky to just not call it a bachelorette party, so I won’t officially have to invite her? 😅
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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
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    I mean...you can, but she'll likely figure it out. Also, there is a good chance that your relationship with her can go from not close to not good if she feels like you purposefully excluded her from things.
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  • Karla
    Super February 2020
    Karla Online ·
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    I would invite her. You mentioned that you only talk when your fiancé is around, but maybe things will be different or change at the actual bachelorette! She might open up more with you and your friends!


    I mean what’s the worst that could happen if she does go and things are the same? You’ll still have your other close friends there to talk to and hang out with. At least, in this case, you made an effort to include her and get to know her better. She’s going to be a part of your family forever. The last thing you want to do is stir up drama by not inviting her.
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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    Yeah, I mean that’s what I keep hearing. I guess I’ll suck it up since I definitely want to avoid drama and unnecessary awkwardness on top of what already exists.
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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    True, don’t wanna take things to that level. Good point, if it’s intentionally leaving her out then it probably shouldn’t be done since there’s already an awkwardness that exists.
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  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
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    Good point!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    To exclude a bridesmaid would be rude and hurtful.
    You don't have to have any bachelorette at all. But if you do, to exclude one of three bridesmaids, is unacceptable. You are the one who made her bridal party. If she does not click, that is on you, live with it.
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  • A
    Dedicated May 2021
    Ally ·
    • Flag
    If she’s in the bridal party, yes I would invite her. If not, theres no rule you have to invite her. Your bachelorette party is supposed to be a night with your closest friends. And keep in mind just because you invite her, doesnt mean she come especially if she feels the awkwardness youre talking about too
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Oh well, you agreed to let her be in your wedding party, so now settle for inviting her to your bachelorette.
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  • Dedicated June 2022
    ·
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    Hi! I am sort of in the same position as you with my SIL, but if you still want to have any relationship with your brother I would just grin and bear it. But in the end it is your decision to invite her or not. Just know you have to live with the consequences.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    If she’s in the bridal party than she needs to be invited to the pre-wedding festivities. While your relationship isn’t the closest, not inviting will make it worse. Invite her to everything & if she declines than that’s on her.
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would invite her otherwise it definitely would be noticeable.
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
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    I would invite her if she is in your wedding party. Let her make the decision whether or not she wants to participate in the festivities.

    • Reply
  • Llcool_Kay
    Devoted July 2021
    Llcool_Kay ·
    • Flag
    My SIL and I aren’t close either but to be courteous I’m inviting her to all of my pre-wedding events
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I don't think her status of being FSIL gives her any automatic invitations, but as bridesmaid, it is dfifferent. A bachelorette is not necessarily a bridesmaid thing. You can have an old fashioned bridesmaid party, and separately, a bachelorette type of party, if someone were hosting besides your MOH. ( though she could cohost with some other friend.) I had 11 at my bach, not one a bridesmaid, but after we went to a shower in NYC at FMIL, close to 3 bridesmaids who were far from me my whole engagement, we ( me and bridesmaids) had a bridesmaid dinner & show and out. Women's bachelorette parties are modeled on men's, rather than showers or bridesmaid parties. But all my life, every bachelor party I have known about has been 6-20 guests never more than 3 groomsmen, and when groomsmen are an uncle, a younger brother and a friend, only the friend would be at the bachelor party. And the groomsmen would do something just for them, separate. ... What is clear, is there must be one event that all of the brides side are invited to. Inc FSIL. Why you invited her does not matter, you did. But if a bunch of friends want a bach, separately, that can be done, having already planned a pre-wedding bridesmaids party. Consider it like 2 showers, one in a tearoom with older family anf family friends. And a second at a barbecue at someone's cottage. Separate guest lists, no one left out, each in the most congenial place.
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  • Slrhoshi
    Savvy April 2022
    Slrhoshi ·
    • Flag
    Hard one but if she in the bridal party she ought to be invited. This probably should have been a conversation long ago.


    I won't be asking my future SIL to be in the bridal party cause her and I are not friends and I have underlying issues and opinions about her that would just create conflict and I don't want it.
    • Reply
  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2020
    Mary ·
    • Flag

    If you asked her to be in your bridal party, you need to invite her to the bachelorette. Maybe she doesn't want to go to your bachelorette, but that should be a decision she gets to make, not one that you make for her.

    And you never know, this could be the very thing that you need to get to know each other better. I really bonded with one of my future sisters-in-law at her bachelorette. Made all the difference for our relationship and as much as I don't like bachelorette parties, I had a blast at hers.

    When you marry someone, you get the whole family. It is never a bad idea to try and make the relationships better.

    If you really want to do something special with your 3 closer friends, plan another time for you all to be together.

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