Should i tell my friend that she hurt me by leaving me out of her bridal party?

I feel like in a true friendship you should always discuss offenses and anything that affects the relationship negatively.


I would begin the conversation that you aren’t bringing this up because you want to her to ask but just because your feelings are genuinely hurt.

Ouch. I feel for you and understand. The bride seems unaware, is aware and doesn’t care, or doesn’t feel the same about the friendship you have with her. Before saying anything, think about/reflect on the dynamics of your friendship with the bride. Have you been doing all the giving/work that goes into maintaining a friendship? If so, is the existing friendship worth the effort to try and help her understand/be more giving? Or, is it best to realize you both have different views of the friendship and you pull back and set boundaries?
I’m sorry this happened and you are hurt.

Sorry you’re hurt, it does seem very odd. Have you said anything to her directly? I would have understood more if she kept just her sisters and childhood friend but if she added other mutual friends and is speaking to you regularly about wedding things, that just seems rude and bizarre. I agree with Lisa and maybe reevaluating the friendship but it’s kind of hard for your friend to come back from this (IMO). If you do bring it up to her - what is your desired outcome? It’d be awkward to be in the wedding at that point and also awkward to not be asked/accept after bringing it up. I’m sorry, this is tough and I’m not sure there’s a winning outcome.

I agree with both Cool and Lisa. This seems super insensitive. I can't imagine saying to any of my friends "gosh, I don't know how I could scrape up (p.s. what?!?! bridesmaids are not pocket change!!) as many bridesmaids as my FH will have groomsmen!" It's kinda like a person saying "I don't have any friends" to ......... their real-life friend....aka someone who's gone on trips with that person, supported that person, HELPED THAT PERSON WITH WEDDING STUFF. Omg that makes me angry on your behalf!!! Super disrespectful. At the end of the day, I would echo Cool and Lisa's suggestions about reflecting on the friendship and pondering if this friendship may be a one-way friendship or perhaps a friendship with a very selfish person. The result of that reflection will guide your next steps, and we're also here to help!

The only thing I could think of is....and this is probably super unlikely....have you been really vocal in the past with her about any frustrations about being in another wedding party, possibly? Or have you been a little anti-wedding somehow? Again, I'm just asking because I have a friend who proactively told me "hey, when you get engaged one day, don't lose any sleep about wondering whether or not to ask me to be a bridesmaid because i've done it before, and i truly don't enjoy doing it, although i will if you really need me to." So it doesn't seem likely, but I just wanted to inquire since I've had that experience.

Wishing you the best of luck!!!

Like Allie said, you may have inadvertently said something to her (present or past) that made her think you did not want to be a bridesmaid. Being a bridesmaid is often a lot of responsibility and a lot of money. Me being a bride now, after having been MOH 3x to my best friends over the years, I know this firsthand. So when I asked my BMs, I kept that in mind. Luckily I have the best friends and family ever so I know all 7 of them will pitch in equally for everything that bridesmaids traditionally do since I am not having a MOH.

If she continues to complain about her BMs to you, I would just gently say to her that you would be honored to be a BM if she wanted you to be. It seems like you are a really good friend. BUT also consider that some brides have groups of family or friends that sort of come as a package (example: sisters, cousins, or childhood friends). So she may not have asked you for this reason- if she had asked you, she would have felt compelled to ask someone else she didn't necessarily want to ask. Most brides tend to overthink things like this for fear of hurting someone they love, so if you truly believe she didn't mean to hurt you, I would try not to hold it against her. I would just have a conversation with her without making her feel guilty for not asking you. Then again this bridal party sounds like it might be drama so keep that in mind- can be super stressful!