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Just Said Yes August 2018

Should i skip my brother's wedding??!

Jylian, on March 11, 2018 at 5:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

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I am so torn!!

I am currently working abroad in Spain, and my original plan was to go back to the US for my brother's wedding in October and stay in the US and get a job there. I am so proud and very excited for him! It is a very small wedding, and my future sister in law has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids.

HOWEVER - I am currently in the running to get a different job here in Spain. It would allow me to continue living here indefinitely after my current job ends in September. The problem is, if I do get this new job, there is no way that I could afford to fly to the US for the wedding, and then return to Spain to work. If I fly back to the US, I would be there to stay.

I am young (early twenties) - part of me realizes that this is a very important step for my brother, and a memory and life-event that I feel very blessed to have been invited to take part in and share. We are very close, and I know that he would be sad if I couldn't come, but he loves me and I know that if I talk to him, he will be very supportive and tell me to go for it. Still, I don't want to be lying on my deathbed looking back on my life and thinking that I was selfish and missed out on the truly important things, like love and family. (I am also considering going back to the US because I am not sure if my grandparents will pass soon, so although not wedding related, this is in the back of my mind)

On the other, more adventurous hand, I can't help but also feeling like now is my chance of a lifetime to live abroad in a country that I love, working a job that I am content with. I grew up in a struggling family, and coming to Spain has been something I never thought could happen to me. I am afraid to lose it.

I keep having this awful nightmare of myself in the future, browsing through the photographs of my brothers' wedding and wishing that I had been there! But if I go back, I might be missing out on a dream.

What do you think - am I being nearsighted and not seeing the full picture? How would you feel if a close sibling missed your wedding in favour of plans for themselves? Thanks for your help - looking forward to getting some advice

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.Married, on March 12, 2018 at 3:02 PM

Super May 2018
Kristin · on March 11, 2018 at 5:53 PM
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You still have a few months to save up for a plane ticket. Can you get a second part time job to add a bit of extra income? Can your parents loan you the money? Since you are worried about regretting it now it sounds like you truly want to be there.
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Master May 2018
Forestwed · on March 11, 2018 at 5:53 PM
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That’s a huge decision only you can make. Do you really want to stay in Spain forever? If you do, you’re going to miss a lot of things with your family. Personally, I couldn’t but only you know what you want in life.
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Devoted January 2019
S · on March 11, 2018 at 6:04 PM
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That sounds like a hard situation. Personally, I would not want anyone - no matter how close to me - to have to give up their job and relocate countries in order to attend their wedding. If I had someone close to me in the same situation, I would not expect them to come. Maybe you can talk to your brother, unless you think it would make him feel guilty/bad?
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Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on March 11, 2018 at 6:28 PM
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Personally I wouldn’t be able to miss my brother’s wedding. You have time to still save. Is there no way to save enough for a plane ticket back? Can you cut expenses somewhere, work extra hours, get a side job? Can you look into flying into smaller air ports and then taking a bus or train to your family?
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on March 11, 2018 at 6:36 PM
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I would miss the wedding, and take them to dinner the next time you are in town or they visit you. Or at least wait until this all plays out, when should you hear back about the job? I would decline being in the wedding, it seems like that will be expensive for you as well, even if its just the dress. Can mom or dad help out with the flight? Or is this more of an issue of having time for the trip with the new job?
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Devoted October 2018
Jamie · on March 11, 2018 at 6:36 PM
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I would not give up my career prospects for anyone’s wedding. Honestly, if you’re where you want to be I’m sure your brother would understand.
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Devoted August 2018
Bluey8616f · on March 11, 2018 at 6:53 PM
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I understand where your coming from. What it comes down to is their one day vs. opportunities for your future.

I would skip it and stay in Spain. Maybe ask a family member to stream the ceremony so you can watch it. That's what they did at my FSIL's wedding when the grandma got sick and was admitted to the hospital.
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Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on March 11, 2018 at 7:18 PM
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You'll find people of two minds about this. Frankly, I'd go to my brother's wedding. Yes, that will be something you'll regret and yes, it will be something that could affect your relationship. Get another job, ask parents for a loan, etc. You should go.
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VIP May 2018
Red Queen · on March 11, 2018 at 7:41 PM
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I don't think weddings are that big a deal. I would not derail my own life or work extra jobs to attend a wedding overseas, even for a sibling. Sorrynotsorry.
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VIP September 2019
Lex · on March 11, 2018 at 7:49 PM
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Stay in Spain, girl! If you really are that close to your brother, he’ll understand why you need to do this. Also Spain is much cooler than the US anyway 😂
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on March 11, 2018 at 8:20 PM
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I'm sure someone in your family could help you go to your brothers wedding. I think you will regret not going, esp if your granparents are in not great heath, could be last time you see them.
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Dedicated August 2018
Courtney · on March 11, 2018 at 8:31 PM
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I couldn't miss a sibling's wedding, I would always regret it. However, that is me... You know yourself better than anyone.
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Super May 2018
Rachel · on March 11, 2018 at 8:54 PM
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What are your legitimate chances for getting this job? You say you are in the running. What happens if you don’t get the job AND you miss your brother’s wedding. Is there any way to figure out if you get the job before you need to make a decision about leaving or not?
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Savvy August 2018
Eric & Jasmine · on March 11, 2018 at 10:46 PM
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This is a really hard decision
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Master October 2017
O · on March 12, 2018 at 12:04 AM
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If you can't get money for a ticket, and you have a really great chance of getting the job, would someone be able to live stream your brothers wedding? I would stay in Spain if it could be live streamed.
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Super May 2019
LaraLouM · on March 12, 2018 at 12:39 AM
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I feel the same way. I would not want to be responsible for someone I loved missing the opportunity of a lifetime.
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Just Said Yes August 2018
Jylian · on March 12, 2018 at 4:35 AM
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Thank you for all of the responses everybody - I really appreciate you taking the time to respond with thought. I definitely feel like you all have helped me to step back and see this situation from many new angles! Fortunately I still have some time to think, and now I feel more confident going forward after hearing so many good outside perspectives. Thank you!!
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Devoted September 2017
Mrs.Married · on March 12, 2018 at 3:02 PM
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This isn’t just a wedding....it’s a family moment, a memory that you cannot get back. Opportunities come and go, jobs can change....but you cannot re-create family moments. I would pick up extra work or a side job to cover the ticket, but I wouldn’t miss my sibling’s wedding, especially if we were close. I used to live across the country from my family and I missed a lot. Ten years later, I have regrets about those things, and family who haven’t come to my life events because I didn’t go to theirs. My advice is to make your family a priority now, even if it seems like a trivial thing now.
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