Should i share the walk with my daughter's step-father?

Be as mature as your daughter, set aside your own personal feelings, smile and let your daughter know how much you love her and then go walk her down the aisle with her step-father. He's obviously important enough to her for her to include him so you should feel thankful that someone else loves your daughter so much that she feels this way. Don't say anything about it, you would only upset her unnecessarily and the wedding is not about you. Go enjoy your daughter's wedding.

I think this is pretty typical now, my sister shared the walk with our dad and her step father (half siblings). If he has been equally as involved in her life I'm sure she wants to share with both of you so there are no hurt feelings. I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad about this. I can understand as I'm a parent and step parent. The best course of action is to put your feelings aside for your daughter. It really is her day, and she is just looking to be happy and have a great time, with those she loves the most. This is something she'll remember for the rest of her life.
One way to look at it is, be extremely grateful she has a loving and caring step dad. Look at him as an equal, a man who has stepped in and stepped up to helping raise your wonderful daughter, and not as your ex-wifes husband.
I hope this helps with your thoughts and feelings (((HUGS)))

Respect your daughters wishes on her day and do what she's asked. She isnt taking anything from your relationship, just honoring what she also has with her step-father.

I agree she is just trying to spare feelings. Try not to be disappointed. You'll get your moment when you guys dance together.

I'm personally not involving my stepfather as much as your daughter is. My stepfather came into my life when I was 15 (I'm 24 now) but I've also always had a steady, healthy, great relationship with my father. My father will be walking me down the aisle, giving the wedding speech, and having a father/daughter dance with me. My stepfather is going to give a speech at the rehearsal dinner, and will be listed on our programs as "Stepfather of the bride". He is also getting ready with my father, fiance's father, and other groomsmen. He is walking my mother down the aisle and sitting in the front row. I think it really depends on every situation. My father is paying for a large portion of the wedding, but my stepfather and mother contributed some too. It's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved, but I think it's best to just let your daughter have the wedding she wants and set your feelings aside.

My sister did this, she walked with both her dad and my dad (her step-father). My dad has always been a big part of her life and I know he would have been crushed to not be a part of that moment. I know it's hard to share something like that, but it clearly means a lot to her to have him there as well. Like everyone else said, be happy your daughter has so many who love her!

It sounds like he was very involved in her life and she didn't want him left out. Unfortunately, when you divorce (or don't marry) you are giving the opportunity for another man to help raise your daughter. He must have done a wonderful job since she wants him to be involved as well and I think the fair thing to do is respect her wishes. She most likely didn't want to have to choose between both of you and wanted to give her step father recognition as well since she is her father. too I am my fiances children's step mother and we raise them full time - mother is barely involved. She wants to claim them as kids, but doesn't do any of the parenting. I would be crushed if in the future I had to miss out on the "mother" moments because they felt obligated to her even though she's not the one raising them.

I’m sure that it was hard for your daughter to tell you this and ask you to be okay with her stepfather having a larger role in the wedding. It’s probably why she didn’t tell you sooner, she was nervous it would make you mad. I don’t think she intended to upset you at all. She was probably trying to make both you and her stepfather feel loved and included on her special day, since you are both important to her. So I think you need to respect your daughters request and walk her down the aisle with her stepfather, and let him have his own dance with her. She needs love and support right now, so give her exactly that!

FOB Bill,

Let me share a story.... I had dinner last night with a young woman I am friends with who got married earlier this summer. We spent most of our time with her telling me about her wedding. Both her and her husband's parents divorced when the "kids" were young, and all remarried (the bride's dad a total of three times, so she has multiple step-mothers and is very close to the one who her father left following a messy affair with his now current wife...). I felt so bad for her as she explained the crazy lengths she and H went to to try to please/accommodate everyone. The poor bride had a major panic attack the day of the wedding -- in large part due to the in-fighting, threats and ultimatums issued by various parents about who would or would not attend, be in a photo, sit in the same row or a row behind someone else, etc.. The poor, sweet bride missed an hour and 45 minutes of her own reception (which she and H paid for entirely) because she couldn't breathe and was on the verge of passing out. She picked at some dinner off a paper plate alone in the bride's room with just her new husband, while her 80 guests ate the lovely dinner in the dining room that she had planned and paid for, because she couldn't get up the strength to face them all.... There were tears in her eyes, two months after the wedding, as she described it all to me. All I could think as I tried to comfort her, was, please, for the LOVE OF GOD, why can't parents act like mature adults and put their child's needs ahead of their own at least for the poor kid's wedding day?!?!???!

I understand, without knowing any of the circumstances, that your feelings are hurt, but please, please accept your daughter's decisions with grace and maturity. Be the guy who is totally her knight in shining armor when she needs him most, not the guy who causes her more stress. Send her a love note and tell her you will do whatever she chooses, that you can't wait to be part of her day, and are so proud of the beautiful, smart, strong woman she has become. Be her hero.... Good luck to you.

I understand being sad but, you need to push past it and move on for your daughter. This day is not about you, it is about your daughter and her future spouse. Do not take anything away from that by letting her know you are upset (or worse yet by refusing to participate if her step-dad is included). This is a very emotional/stressful time for her and I am sure that she thought long and hard before coming to this decision; do not make it any harder for her. Are you upset/hurt enough to risk your entire relationship with her? Voicing your displeasure about this could definitely cause a major rift.

I'd write your daughter back and tell her how much you love her and that you are looking forward to being included in her special day however she sees fit. Tell her you are honored to walk her down the aisle and that you wouldn't miss it for the world.

It's unfortunate that your daughter didn't discuss this earlier so you would have some time to process your feelings before the wedding. It also would have been nice to talk with you in person, or even on the phone if she doesn't live near you, rather than fall back on an email.

Please respect her wishes.

I’m sorry you feel sad and I do understand. Seems like this has been stewing in her and decided an email would be best to let you know. I think you should do whatever makes her happy. Your daughter is a lucky girl to have 2 special father figures. My dad died 20 years ago yesterday (I’m 26) and what I would give for just 1 father figure! No one could replace you!

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This was beautifully written and I couldn't have said it better.

As a mom and a stepmom, I beg of you to follow the previous posters advice. Always remember that your daughter did not ask to be in this situation. She didn't get a choice on her parents divorce. Sounds like she ended up with a wonderful stepdad and she is choosing to honor both of the men in her life. So, for this day, please find it in your heart to set aside your feelings of sadness and stand up proud with your daughter. She sounds like an amazing young woman.

I now pronounce you man and wife...

Thanks to everyone for your input. I was moved enough by the first reply, along with feedback from my mother, my eldest daughter (currently single), and a close friend, that I decided to suck it up and go with the flow. I insisted the step father and I not compete for the end-of-the-aisle giveaway, and took an open-minded approach towards the walk, the toast, and the father-daughter dance. In fact, I incorporated my daughter's wish for unity into my toast, which was essentially off-the-cuff. The entire day proved more enjoyable than any of us could have imagined. Even the weather seemed to respond to our prayers.

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This brought tears to my eyes! Good for you!!!

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This is so wonderful to hear! Your daughter is lucky to have you!

Weddings can be so hard on family dynamics. I'm glad things worked out.

I know it must be tough. At the same time I can't help but think that as a father, it would be wonderful to know she has a step parent in her life that she loves, respects, and wants to be a part of her wedding. That isn't always the case.