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Devoted October 2021

Should i see this as a red flag?!

Fany, on April 1, 2020 at 5:13 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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I've been with my future spouse for four years. He is a great partner and is good with his 6yo niece and my cousins who range from ages 4 to 12. One thing that really bothers me is that he has two older brothers who have children and they refused to raise their children. This was from pure laziness; not death nor substance abuse/mental or physical illness, etc. My future spouse's parents have had to raise their grandchild and are currently raising their GREAT GRANDCHILD.

I know its not fair, but sometimes I worry about how my future spouse will be as a parent based on his brothers' actions. The final blow was recent... A woman who I have never seen in my life approached me and said that she was concerned about me marrying my future spouse. I looked confused and sge continued, "Honey, I think you're too good for that family. My son owns a home and has rented out a room to your future spouse's older brother for the last 15 years. His older brother is irresponsible and a poor father. I'm worried that your future spouse will follow his footsteps."

After this strange woman told me this, my anxiety has shot thriugh the roof. Do you think I should have second thoughts about marrying him?!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on April 11, 2020 at 6:13 AM

Savvy November 2020
Ashley · on April 1, 2020 at 5:17 PM
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It’s going to be hard for any of us to really give you solid advice on someone we don’t know but I do think it’s something worth thinking over. From the qualities you’ve seen in your partner, does he resemble his older brothers at all? Does he seem lazy and not really receptive to children? Is he motivated? Does he work hard? Is he responsible with finances and General house duties like chores and maintenance? Does he keep you happy and work with you to come promise where possible?
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on April 1, 2020 at 5:20 PM
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I agree with what PP is saying - i don't think just because his brothers are that way, means he would be. look at his characteristics and judge with that, rather than the family he came from.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on April 1, 2020 at 5:35 PM
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I know plenty of people who have siblings that are either uninvolved parents or have a substance abuse problem and the sibling is completely fine. If you really have concerns, I’d address this with your future spouse and maybe even seek some couples counseling to discuss ways you each view those things you’re concerned about.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 1, 2020 at 7:22 PM
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My siblings and I have completely opposite personalities. I can’t imagine my wife holding my siblings faults against me.
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Expert July 2021
Katharine · on April 2, 2020 at 11:27 AM
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Plenty of people are completely different from their siblings. Only you can really judge whether or not your FH shows signs of being like his brothers in this regard.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on April 11, 2020 at 6:13 AM
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He is not hos brothers or you probably wouldn't be marrying him. Does your husband strike you as a lazy, irresponsible guy, have you guys had conversations about kids and the future what that looks like, have you had conversations about his parents raising their great grands and how that's not what you want? If not then maybe you aren't ready for marriage as well, maybe you guys need to talk about the future your expectations, how you want parenting to go, (vs how it actually will go no one can really predict) Maybe do counseling but it's worth quite a few conversations. And why would someone you don't even know be able to talk doubt in your head about someone you love and see your self spending your life with.
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