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Champion July 2019

Should i say something

Veronica, on November 13, 2019 at 9:54 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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If you saw my post from yesterday, you will know my coworker "Jen" is forcing her boyfriend to marry her. Their wedding is scheduled for October 10, 2020 which is the same day "Chris" the best man in our wedding is getting married. Chris's wedding is in California where he lives. We live in Maryland and got married in Pennsylvania so he flew out early Thursday morning since my husband's bachelor party was the Thursday before our wedding. Chris plans on having his bachelor party the Thursday before his wedding like we did so we would probably fly to California Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. Jen's wedding is here in Maryland and about 10 minutes from where she lives. Her whole family and her boyfriend's whole family also live about 10 minutes away. Jen's wedding is going to be very simple. It is at a fire hall and she doesn't want anything fancy or expensive which is totally fine. She is also letting her mom and her mom's friend handle most of the planning so I'm not sure what her plans are prior to the wedding. If she will be taking time off and if so how much time she will want. With only two of us working in the office, I can't see the attorney agreeing to both of us having off. I will not fly to California separately because I am afraid of flying. I have only flown twice once to go on my honeymoon and once to come back from my honeymoon. I had taken anxiety medication to even be able to fly and I was still terrified so going by myself wouldn't be a good idea. I don't know if I should bring this up to her now or wait closer to the wedding. We haven't booked flights yet as it is still 11 months away. Any advice?

18 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on November 14, 2019 at 1:08 AM
  • N
    Master January 2015
    null ·
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    I wouldn't worry about talking to her about it personally, I would just tell your employer you need those days off.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    She's also like the office manager so she handles a lot of this stuff.
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  • N
    Master January 2015
    null ·
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    So is she in charge of who gets time off or is there someone above her who handles that? If she's in charge of it, then I would definitely say something now rather than later!

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    The attorney and her kind of share the responsibility of makjng those decisions.
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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    I don’t know what it’s like working in your field, but in mine 11 months is an eternity away with a lot of turnover. Jen might not be in the same company or you might be somewhere else too. Did you know about Chris’ wedding before she announced her date?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Yes we have known about Chris's date since like May and Jen just announced it Friday. Jen has been with the company for 5 years so I don't think she is going anywhere. I've been with the company for almost 6 months as I lost my prior job right before the wedding. I don't plan on leaving this compabt any time soon.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    I would talk to your employer now and say that you cannot miss the wedding. And tbh, Jen sounds crazy. Who knows if they will actually be together at that point if she’s forcing him to marry her. I don’t see that wedding actually happening.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I just want to be prepared if it does happen. I would feel terrible missing Chris's wedding. His fiancee didn't attend ours but they were already attending like 7 weddings last her so she could only attend so many so we understand.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    And honestly I think your friend would understand! Of course an employer would defer to someone’s actual wedding vs. A guest at a wedding. I’m just not sure the wedding will actually happen.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I honestly don’t think this wedding is going to happen based on what you’ve shared
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    That's what I'm thinking, too. Forcing somebody to marry never ends well

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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
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    I think you should mention it to your boss that you have this wedding you are going to, how you've known since May. Honestly, with everything you've said about her - I don't think your coworker will be getting married.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Well we talked. I requested off for another wedding for next year and she said to me I thought the wedding was in October. I said I am going to multiple weddings in 2020 and the one in October is the same date that you picked and I didn't know if I would be able to take off since you are getting married and she said to put the days I need off on the calendar.
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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I would just submit it as you normally would!

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would go ahead and submit the request off now. Once it is approved, I would book your flights. Where I work, requests off are a first come first serve and once they are approved, that is it. I would submit the request to the attorney (or whoever the highest ranking person at your company is) and let them know the request is being made early because you need to book your flights ASAP.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Wait. Her plans may change, more than once . But her wedding should take precedence over leaving early for someone's bachelor or other pre wedding party. No matter how far in advance you ask work, if there is any conflict, they likely will ( and I think, rightly so) put her wedding first. With all this notice, is a sub available? What would they do if you both got strep throat? Maybe they should close the office .
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Not sure what they would do, but she told me go ahead and put my trip on the calendar because it will be fine.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Good. It is tough to be in a work situation where there is no planning for any 2 people to be out. Whether because there are only two, or because however many staff, all but one are always critically needed . Which means if even one person gets sick, or has a death in the family, anyone else with something long approved looses that time off they counted on. Whether they get a sub, or close the office, should not be your burden, if you and she only rarely ask, and only for occasional very important things. Good she is willing to fairly act as an office manager, not your opponent.
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