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Just Said Yes January 2020

Should i postpone? Long post!

Morgan, on November 8, 2019 at 9:08 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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Hello everyone!

I am thinking long and hard about postponing my wedding to my future husband. I love him so very much (he is such a blessing) but unfortunately, I have been suffering from some very rough mental exhaustion, and depression for the past 3-6 months. It has gotten so bad that I am not even excited about the wedding anymore as I am just emotionally numb. I will be going in for counselling and psychological evaluation as soon as I can but it may be more than a month. Not only that but my extremely difficult medical career schooling (which has caused SO much stress for me) will be ending less than a month before the wedding and I will be piling finding a job onto the pile of stress.

I hate feeling this way and I worry that I will not even enjoy our wedding or will not be able to experience our honeymoon phase?? How awful would that be...? Anyway... What do you guys think? Am I being overdramatic or is my fear well-founded?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Gean, on November 9, 2019 at 7:37 AM
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I don't think you're being overdramatic but I would urge you to wait to postpone at this late point. My wife went through a really bad bout of depression a few months before our wedding too. She went to her therapist who recommended medication and making more time for us without wedding planning. It worked for her, but that is not to say that is what would definitely work for you. The reason I think you may not want to postpone is the deposit money you will most likely lose, that would most likely cause even more stress. See your new doctors and try to take at least one day a week without any wedding planning. Instead do something you enjoy and helps you relax. I wish you well.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    Thank you for the advice! I will definitely talk to my doctor about it ASAP. Your advice is much appreciated.

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  • Brianna
    Dedicated December 2019
    Brianna ·
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    I think this is a personal decision but I just wanted to say it’s pretty amazing that you are working so hard at processing and identifying these feelings.
    Also I wanted to say this: my little sister called me one month before the end of her residency and told me she might not want to be a doctor. Our whole lives it is all she has wanted to do. She worked SO HARD to get there. And all the sudden she called and said maybe she is changing her mind. My little sister is my person, so I know her pretty well. With that in mind I told her to stop that negative talk right now, take a nap and push through the end of this. Lol. She wasn’t changing her mind about being a doctor, she was exhausted to the point of overwhelmed. I’m just bringing it up to you because I don’t think it is uncommon when going through medical training to get to a point where you’re just tired of fighting to keep your head above water. I think it’s worth acknowledging that when you go through an experience like that, the exhaustion is probably playing a pretty large role in your feelings. It’s not over dramatic! It’s just the reality of being pulled too many different ways for too long.
    Have you had a chance to talk with your FH about this?
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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    That is a very interesting point and I have a feeling you probably definitely hit it on the head there. I definitely feel like I'm drowning with the training. I have spoken to him about my fears and he just wants me to do what I think is best for my mental health.

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  • FutureMrsHadi
    Dedicated May 2021
    FutureMrsHadi ·
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    I agree with other PP's that it's AWESOME you're working through all these emotions and feelings and it's so wonderful that you're taking action to talk to someone about it!

    Being so close to your wedding I'm sure you've probably put down deposits for most everything so if you postpone you may be out some money for that. HOWEVER, if that's the decision you come to for your mental health, by all means do it. You should be your top priority.

    Is there anyway you can take a few days off from wedding planning/talk? Maybe ask your FH to take you out to dinner or have a stay-at-home date night. I think it's especially important because of your busy school schedule to give yourself a mental break,

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  • Savvy December 2020
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    I definitely don’t think your being over dramatic- have you considered something like Vegas and eloping then doing a reception for family later? Thts wht we decided to do whn things got so overwhelming- I have Epilepsy as well as a long list of other medical issues and was just worried between his family issues and my health I wouldn’t be able to enjoy a big all out wedding
    Just a thought but most of all do Whts good for your mental health at the end of the day wht matters is becoming husband and wife not all the fuss
    Hope this helped 💗
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  • Tara
    VIP November 2016
    Tara ·
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    You are definitely not being over-dramatic!!! Weddings are stressful, add that on top of going to school, it's no wonder you're at the point of mental exhaustion. however, I don't think that's totally uncommon. Try to take a step back from all things wedding and remember why you wanted to get married to begin with. Think about all the reasons why you love your future spouse and how the idea of marrying that person once excited you so much. There are some other great suggestions here about talking to your doctor ASAP and taking time for yourself/significant other. I would also advise against moving your wedding date out as you've already paid for certain things and it's so close.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Any chance the wedding/honeymoon could be a light in the darkness? I have depression too I’d just feel like if it were me, having to postpone would depress me more. I always feel worse when I allow the mental illness to affect my decisions and delay/prevent me from living my life. Of course only you know what’s best for you, but just something to consider.
    • Reply
  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    I will be speaking to him about taking a few days off and just resting. Thank you for the advice!

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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    Thank you so much for the advice! At this point, we only have about 50 people going (only close family members) so it is a small wedding.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    Thank you for the advice! I appreciate it

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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Morgan ·
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    Unfortunately, I doubt we will be able to have a honeymoon for a few months but I wish... I will try to change my perspective of the wedding and allow it to be a light.

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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    Health (which includes metal health!!!) comes first! If that is what you need to do, do it and don't feel one bit of guilt! Your FH will understand that you want this to be a joyous tome when you get married and you need to deal with your health in order to achieve that!

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think you're being really realistic and insightful. I think what you're suggesting is actually a really mature idea because you need to be in the right place for yourself
    • Reply
  • G
    Dedicated August 2020
    Gean ·
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    I'm so sorry that you are going through this :/ i know how you feel because i'm supposed to graduate from med school 1 week before my wedding or hopefully 2 , so the last year really messes up your head and you are just tired all the time dealing with a lot of stuff, you are definitely not being dramatic i think you are just tired from all of the hard work and ofc you feel like you are not even looking forward to the wedding or enjoying it cuz your mind is being overloaded all the time from the training and studying (personally i had many days that i would go to my fh in tears and stress cuz of the school and all that pressure ), but i think that you would regret postponing it since it's not as far away and you have done a lot of stuff for the wedding already and you will be marrying the love of your life , maybe you should just take a couple of weeks off from the wedding planning and just relax and i'm sure YOU CAN DO THIS ! sending you lots of support and i wish that everything works out perfectly for u Smiley heart

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