Tatiana
Just Said Yes June 2022

Should i pay for the sitter?

Tatiana, on May 18, 2021 at 12:31 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 15
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Hello, so I had been planning to not have children at my wedding and originally it wasn't a problem, but now our venue has changed and is about a 3 hour drive from where most of our guest live and I know they wont feel comfortable leaving there kids with and overnight sitter. Now my new plan is to hiring a babysitter to stay at the venue and watch the kids but now I'm conflicted on if I should pay or if I should ask the parents to pay. If it was one or two kids I wouldn't have an issue paying but it would be 4-6 kids which would cost quite a bit more, so is it to much of me to ask that the parents pay for what their kid would cost? Mind you I'm also providing some free lodging for those people that would have a hard time paying for a hotel so that wouldn't be a concern but, would asking for them to pay just $50 dollars or so for the babysitter ok? and if so how do I mention it on my invitations without coming off to harsh?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Tina, on May 21, 2021 at 2:24 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag
    If you provide childcare, you cover all the costs. That is not something you can ask of your guests.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    As a mom myself, I wouldn't be comfortable having someone watch my child that my husband and I didn't personally select nor would I be comfortable paying this person. I would either skip the wedding or personally hire my own baby rather than using someone that was hired by someone else.
    • Reply
  • Catherine
    Expert March 2023
    Catherine ·
    • Flag
    Let the guests hire their own babysitter. Most parents have one or two trusted babysitters they trust to babysit overnight. Most parents wouldn’t want to pay a stranger they don’t know to babysit their kids
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    I don’t have children myself but from a common sense point of view I don’t think I know of anyone who would prefer to drive 3 hours each way with children late at night as opposed to leaving them at home with a babysitter they know and trust. As others have suggested, your options here (if you want to be hospitable) are to either:

    a) have no children at the wedding or leave it up to parents to decide if they want to bring their children; or

    b) have a babysitter at the wedding and pay the full cost yourself.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    If you don’t want children at the wedding, don’t invite children but be okay with the people who have children declining. As a mom I would never leave my children with a sitter I didn’t hire myself.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag

    You can ask people to pay out of fairness, but we found it a lot easier to just offer it. FH was taking care of limited paper goods, having our name and date on napkins and small glass bottles off syrup. Parent's request, and his area of planning. And I wanted floating candles. No printed anything, and LED lights in foliage, cut $400, cost of 2 plus tip. A group of 8 at hotel. We also had a nursery, separate.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    If they aren’t comfortable with someone they know watching their child while they’re away, they likely wouldn’t be comfortable with your unknown sitter. But if you do book it you should definitely pay for it. I would let people figure out their own childcare.
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated October 2021
    Tammy ·
    • Flag
    I think what you first have to answer for yourself ifs why no kids? If it's because it would double or triple your guest list then stick to no kids and let them figure out childcare.. at home or they can get a hotel and bring their own sitter if they like or they will decline. If it really only the 6-7 kids would having them around really ruin your wedding? I do not think its appropriate to charge them to provide childcare that you are insisting on. I will say that we went to a wedding that was no kids and then kids were there and we were like well that was selective....so maybe better to be all or none.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    Stick to a kid free wedding and allow parents to make their own childcare arrangements. Most parents won't feel comfortable leaving their kids with someone they don't know.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Have parents said they prefer to drive three hours and back with kids? Because that seems like hell to me! Are you sure that’s what they want?
    There always seem to be a couple of people who are shocked that they can’t bring their kids everywhere, but most people understand that having kids means you have to say no to some social events.
    If it’s a child free wedding, it’s a child free wedding. No need to change things. Parents figure this stuff out on their own all the time - they’ll get a sitter, or not - maybe both will come, maybe one parent, maybe neither.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Don’t have them pay for the sitter you hire. If you can’t or don’t want to pay, just skip it. Parents can find their own childcare if they want to. Sure they might not want to hire an overnight sitter, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have other options that they may feel comfortable with. It’s always best to leave childcare up to the parents themselves. Ex, I would leave my kid with a friend for an overnight if I had an out of town wedding I wanted to attend. I would NOT leave my kid with a random babysitter I didn’t know in the out of town location. And If you asked me to pay for that I would 100% back out.
    • Reply
  • AB
    Devoted September 2022
    AB ·
    • Flag

    Ditto on what everyone has said. As a former babysitter, I had parents ask me to watch their children overnight into the morning vs. a babysitter they did not know at the venue. I think most parents feel safer when they have vetted the babysitter themselves (even if the babysitter is awesome).

    • Reply
  • Melody
    Expert April 2021
    Melody ·
    • Flag

    I would suggest just making the wedding kid-free and not providing a sitter. If you do provide a sitter, be aware that you may end up just paying someone to stand around and do nothing because parents would often rather have their kids be watched by someone they know and trust personally. My venue offered childcare during the reception, so that was an option for our guests. The venue was an athletic club that runs multiple kids programs throughout the year, so they would generally be trusted without being vetted. (If that makes sense? Like many parents would send their kids to a summer camp without necessarily knowing the staff?) Even in this case, we only had 1 kid in childcare, and they were only there during cocktail hour and she and her mom left when the reception started. Even our ring bearers - my cousin's young daughters - were picked up by their grandparents. Luckily for us, the staff who ran childcare would have been on site anyway so we were only charged for that one child for that one hour. If you're hiring a sitter you definitely shouldn't be asking your guests to pay for them, and you'd still be responsible for paying that person for the time that they're there. It would likely end up just being a waste of money. Basically, Meghan said it perfectly.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Same, exactly this.

    • Reply
  • T
    Devoted August 2020
    Tina ·
    • Flag
    I don’t think if you say you providing a babysitter would be remotely good to say oh here’s a babysitter you don’t know pay $50. I sure wouldn’t let some random person watching my kids. I’m not a mom yet, but that’s me.


    My cousins one of the 2 stayed home with their kid(s).
    • Reply

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