bevbabe
Dedicated June 2023

Should i make her a bridesmaid?

bevbabe, on October 24, 2021 at 5:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6
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One of my closest and longest friends and I are going through a difficult time right now. Basically, she is friends with someone who did something truly awful to me. She thinks that what they did was wrong, but still wants to be close with them. That has caused some tension between us. I'm not sure our friendship will be the same. It's hard for me to be close with her knowing she's friends with someone who significantly hurt me and is capable of disgusting behavior. Right now we've taken a bit of a step back as friends and I'm not sure if I should make her a bridesmaid when our friendship is up in the air. My wedding is about a year and a half away and I know things could change for the better or for worse. It's hard to know what to do. I don't want to regret it if we eventually make up, but I also don't want to have to remove her as a bridesmaid later on. Any advice?

6 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on October 25, 2021 at 2:42 PM
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. Online ·
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    I would follow two common pieces of advice on these forums:
    1) Don't pick your bridal party until 6–9 months before the big day.
    2) If you're in doubt whether to make someone a bridesmaid, you probably shouldn't.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle Online ·
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    Agree with this. Also your bridesmaids should be your current innermost support system and BFFs who support you and the relationship you have with fiancé: who is the first person to you contact to vent over or celebrate your relationship with fiancé? Don’t ever ask anyone out of obligation or guilt. Personally I would not ask this woman to be bridesmaid or guest.
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  • bevbabe
    Dedicated June 2023
    bevbabe ·
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    This is great advice! Thank you!

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Totally agree with Jasmine- deciding now on bridesmaids isn’t good.
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    As others have said, I would wait a bit to see how things ago. Depending on what this other friend did, she might not see it as seriously as you do and she might see some good qualities in this person that can't be replaced. I've struggled with this with a few of my friends now and we managed to agree to disagree and move along with our relationships and everything has been great. You can't really expect someone to not be friends with someone just because they did something that hurt you. I mean, it of course depends on what it was, but sometimes people are better to one person than they are to another and sometimes that's just not worth losing a good friendship over. Best of luck!

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  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yep wait until 6-9 months before the wedding to ask the wedding party. Don't ask anyone with hopes of improving or saving a friendship.

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