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Just Said Yes November 2023

Should i kick the Bridesmaid?

Synnovea, on March 22, 2022 at 8:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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Hello all! I'm getting married on November 18, 2023 and am already having a bit of an issue with a bridesmaid and I'm really not sure what to do. For background I've known this friend for well over ten years now, I was her MOH at her wedding in 2020, we tend to go through droughts of communication but previously she was someone I would have trusted with everything. Lately trying to see her/talk to her/ or plan with her has been like pulling nails. I'm trying to be as considerate as possible as we both work full time jobs and have our own family dynamics to deal with but lately the only time I hear from her is when she is venting about bad days at her job, issues with her family, and pretty much just complaining about anything and everything, and that's if I hear from her at all. I've tried to schedule time to see her according to her schedule, I've tried to check in and see how she is and will get no response for weeks (last I heard from her was in Feb but I've tried to reach out a few times since to check in) I'm really worried because I don't want to have to stress about communicating with my wedding party (there's 14 people between groomsmen and bridesmaid so it can be a bit crazy as is) and I really feel like she has no interest in being in the wedding or my life. I know that if I ask her to no longer be involved it will pretty much end our friendship on her side so I'm trying to avoid that as I still love her like family. How would you approach the situation?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Tara, on March 23, 2022 at 11:15 AM

Super September 2022
Sarah · on March 22, 2022 at 9:03 PM
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I honestly don’t see a situation here, unless I’m missing something. Your wedding is a year and a half away, I think asking her to step down as a bridesmaid would be a bit rash. If you still care about her and want to maintain the friendship just give her some time. She may just be having a rough patch and need someone to complain to. If your main concern is her causing stress for your wedding then it sounds like you need to prioritize your friendship with her before your wedding.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on March 22, 2022 at 9:15 PM
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I agree with this. You need to wait a year and see. If you "fire" her too early, you may regret it. The wedding can go on thr back burner, first you focus on being a supportive friend. Give her time to get her life together and then she may start reaching out more. Maybe she'll come around or maybe she'll drop off the face of the Earth, who knows.

When it comes time to buy the bridesmaid dresses, you can re-assess. If she's still acting like this, tell her the you need her to buy a dress by ___ date or she will have to come as just a regular guest. Some people are always stressed and busy and don't answer messages no matter how much time you give them. But it's way too early to know which category she falls under. Don't panic yet 🙂
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on March 22, 2022 at 9:33 PM
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She hasn't done anything wrong. Friendships ebb and flow, like anything else. Sounds like she has a lot happening, and needs some support. I'm not sure how this is a wedding issue.
All she has to do is get the dress and show up on time and ready for photos.
That's one of the problems with asking your wedding party so early. It should be done about 6 months prior to the wedding to avoid this type of issue. People often regret their choices.
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on March 22, 2022 at 9:42 PM
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The only time to “kick” a bridesmaid would be if she or he slept with your fiancé. 😆
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on March 22, 2022 at 11:48 PM
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Just give it a little more time you have all that you can sl only you can do is wait and see. But didn't you say that she also most recently gotten married in 2020. Ahe is just settling in to marriage. And yes I know you said that she only reach out to you when she is venting so she can reach out to you she just choose not to. Loom go on with your planning and when your ready to go bridesmaids dresses shopping and she comes then you pull her to the side and hash out your grieves with her then because there she can't escape you. And then after that is when you can make your choice on what to do. I hope that this helps.
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VIP October 2022
Taylor · on March 23, 2022 at 12:41 AM
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I feel as though it’s pretty early to worry about your bridal party and I don’t really see what the problem is
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VIP November 2016
Tara · on March 23, 2022 at 11:15 AM
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I'm sure you're more than excited about all things wedding and maybe want to talk to her about all the ideas you have! But it is still early, I'd say too early to assume she won't be a present bridesmaid. Realistically, no-one cares about a wedding the way the couple does. I know sometimes that's hard to hear and sucks a bit, but it's true. Give her some grace... maybe she's going through a lot right now and that's just why she seems distant/self-consumed. Have an open and honest conversation with her and tell her how you're feeling. As far as her only venting to you when you do talk, maybe that's just because she feels comfortable with you and safe in your presence. We all need to vent sometimes and if she feels ok doing that with you, I'd almost take it as a compliment. Maybe she has no one else to talk to. Or just needs to get whatever off her chest. I'm not sure.. but have an honest conversation with her before making any major decisions about your wedding!!!
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