I desperately need some advice on how to handle this situation. All of my planning is at a halt because I can't decide whether my estranged mom's family should be invited to my wedding or not, which is about 15 people so it significantly impacts the guest list if I do or don't invite them. So here's the whole story:
I haven't spoken to my mom in over a year, due to a long list of unhealthy and destructive behavior that I decided to distance myself from (and my siblings later decided the same thing). I won't get into the dirty details of what happened to get us to this point, because my goal is not to drag my mother through the mud, but this is where we are so she and my Grandma will not be invited to my wedding. I feel very confident and at peace with this decision and know it is what is best for me.
However, the rest of my mom's family is where I'm struggling. My Grandpa (not married to the grandma who is not invited), my Aunt (mom's sister) and Uncle (mom's brother) have not done anything to me to "deserve" to be left off of the list. They did not get involved in any of the family issues we were having and they have not lashed out at me like others have. I don't think they know all the drama that went down, and whatever information they might know I have reason to believe has been skewed against my dad, and potentially me. ( For instance someone came up to me in a grocery store to ask if I was ok because my mother had told her that my dad was abusing me, which is absolutely not true and not even close to true, and I have also had people tell me that she's saying I've been brainwashed).
The major problem is that we were never close. Even in the best of times I saw them maybe once every couple of years and we only spoke on Christmas and Easter. So I think all else being great I'd invite them and then be not very excited about them showing up because I don't know them very well and it would be super awkward. It's not like we were super close but then this rift caused us to not speak, we just never really spoke that much to begin with. So I don't know what they're thinking or feeling, and I would hate to choose not to invite them and have them be offended that I didn't, and unnecessarily exile a whole side of my family. Like they are family and part of me says you have to invite family it's the right thing to do. However, I also don't want them to think that I'm trying to make some kind of statement by inviting them, but not inviting my mom. I don't want to start any extra drama on that of me trying to "rub her face in it" or something like that, but I also don't want to be offensive by not inviting some of my family members.. I just really don't know what to do.
My dad said that I couldn't just send them the invite out of the blue, I'd need to contact them and talk to them about the situation before hand, and honestly thinking of that phone call fills me with absolute dread. I couldn't even talk to them about Christmas how can I talk to them about something as personal and serious as this??
I had considered maybe writing them a letter to include with the invites but I'm just not sure how that would come off either..
So any outside perspective on what you think I should do would be so helpful. Do you think I should invite them?
