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Master September 2018

Should I invite their grown children

FutureMrs.L, on July 23, 2017 at 10:38 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hi all!! I have a dilemma. We're downsizing our guest list from 70 to about 30..

My mom has a couple that she's been friends with pretty much her entire life. I call them Aunt & Uncle because of how close my mom is to them. Now here's my dilemma, they have two grown children, that i'd rather not invite. The children live with them.. How do i go about only inviting the couple, and not the kids.. My mom mentioned it could cause issues. I'm not close with their kids, I've seen them once in 10 years. I'm just at a loss as what to do. I don't want to offend anyone, but i don't feel i should be obligated to invited their grown children.

I know to address the invite to Mr & Mrs.. i'm asking if i am obligated to invite their children due to the close friendship with my Mom...

ETA: words for clarity

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Elizabeth, on July 23, 2017 at 4:30 PM

Super August 2017
Toya · on July 23, 2017 at 10:45 AM
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Address the invite Mr & Mrs......Also I printed on the bottom of my RSVP cards [you and a guest]
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Devoted September 2017
Danielle · on July 23, 2017 at 10:48 AM
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You aren't obligated. Just address the invite to the parents only.
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Celia Milton · on July 23, 2017 at 10:50 AM
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No. Invite the parents; that's perfectly fine.
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Master September 2018
FutureMrs.L · on July 23, 2017 at 10:51 AM
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Thanks All.. I've been stressed about it. I know how to address the invites, but my mom was telling me i have to invite their grown kids.
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Devoted August 2017
Sarah · on July 23, 2017 at 11:24 AM
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I dealt with the same thing! I didn't invite the kids because like you said you haven't seen them in ten years. The awkward part, I ran into her daughter at dunkins and she asked why she wasn't invited. So awkward. But I explained to her I was having a really small wedding and we kept it to really close family and friends.
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VIP March 2016
Maria · on July 23, 2017 at 11:31 AM
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Nope you don't have too! It's thier parents you want there for your mother not them! They are grown ups, I'm sure they will survive!
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VIP November 2018
Spaghetti · on July 23, 2017 at 11:34 AM
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I have a similar situation and the children won't be invited. I don't think it's an issue at all and we are actually probably a little closer to the kids then it sounds like you are. However we drew lines or "circles" as they say with guests list so it's a fair decision. Just address the invite to the couple and you should add one of those lines in the invite like "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor"
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Expert August 2017
augustlawbride · on July 23, 2017 at 4:19 PM
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Assuming they're over 18 no.
I will say I think if they're still in college and living at home, it's a nice gesture to include, but once their over 18 especially you're not obligated.
I would make sure your mom knows though, because she's the one likely to get asked if they're invited or not.
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VIP November 2018
Jess'sgirl · on July 23, 2017 at 4:25 PM
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You wouldn't be "obligated" to invite them if they were children, so why are you obligated now that they are adults? If their parents will base their attendance on whether their adult children are invited, I am inclined to think you wouldn't want them there anyway.
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Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on July 23, 2017 at 4:30 PM
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You're not obligated to invite them. That said, I think a lot of brides and grooms would do well to realize that part of hosting a wedding is navigating family politics. You make decisions and some of them may hurt or damage relationships. While you're well within your rights to exclude these adult children, you can't control how they or your mom will feel about it and react to it. If you're good with that, then exclude them.
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