Should I invite my step-mom (who was the other woman) to my wedding?

I'd say that if you want your dad there and be able to maintain a relationship with him then you better invite his wife.

As your father's wife, you should include her. How long have they been married? Are you inviting the half siblings?

I don't really think you have a choice since at worst, she is the "date" of your father. Not to mention, that treatment of you will not get better if she's purposely not invited because she was cold toward you.

You could always talk to your father and say "Hey can we be honest? I get the feeling that X does not really like me. Can you shed some light on this for me so that we can work toward having a good relationship?"

I think if you invite your dad, you're probably going to have to invite your step-mom since they are married and general invite etiquette states that if you invite a person (especially family and BP) and they are in a couple, the couple should get the invite.

But it's unfortunate that she's so cold to you, and I can completely understand why you don't want her at your wedding.

Yes.

Just remember, the royal princes eventually came around to Camilla after Prince Charles married her (and she's the one he had an affair with while married to Princess Diana).

She's your dad's wife, so yes, you should invite her. You don't have to interact with her much...you'll be so busy that day anyway. I wouldn't stress it.

Yikes, that's a awkward situation to be in.

But I'd be the bigger person and invite her. If they're married, it's really rude to separate couples anyway, regardless of the fact that their situation is odd to invite to a wedding, I must say. Hopefully you guys can move past it.

Yes you need to invite her if you are inviting your dad.

I'm sorry to had to go through all that, but to keep the peace, you have to invite her ( and be the better person)

Trust me, it will be so easy to go through the entire day without seeing or spending time with her. After the pre-ceremony festivities and a couple brief moments at the reception I didn't even see my own mother (or even my husband!). The day goes by so fast and you get pulled in so many directions.

Unfortunately I have to agree with the previous posters and say you have to invite your dad's wife. The affair has nothing to do with you, but her coldness does. This is something that you should try to talk to your dad about if you can. If she doesn't want to come to the wedding because of whatever her problem is, at least you will have done the right thing by inviting her.

Thanks for the feedback everyone! Yeah, I also thought I may as well invite her, out of courtesy at least. Seating may be problematic though...I suspect she might feel very awkward around my mother and my friends though, and at the end of the day I want it to be a happy celebration for everyone there. And being very close to my mom, I don't want the day to be ruined for her either.

I think you should invite her as a courtesy to your dad, but like some other ladies said, talk to your dad about it. Are you your mom's only child? Because if not I was wondering if the step-mom is cold only to you or to all her step-children...

You should invite her. As for the seating seat your step mother and father at a table with your father's family.

My cousin was in the same situation. Her parents divorced and he married the woman he cheated with. They've been married for years. She never treated my cousins differently which is good. When it came time to the wedding, my cousin had her parents sitting at different tables so it wouldn't be awkward. Maybe you could do the same thing. I'm sure your mom would appreciate it.

Ick, I'm so sorry. You kinda have to invite her. You don't have to like it though.....

I'd also have a conversation with your mom, who also probably knows you have to invite her.... Keep them as far apart as possible and maybe, after the wedding, venture into a conversation about why your relationship is so chilly. It's possible that she feels a bit guilty and weird too.....

Yes I would talk to her and/or your dad, but still invite her.

You have to invite her, but please seat them at a different table than your mother. For your mother's sake at least. You want her (your mom) to be as comfortable as possible on your day. Seat your Father's family at one table and your mom's at another. Even though they're your parents, I'm sure people will understand that situation.

Unfortunately she is married to you dad, so you need to invite her. I am so sorry that she had been so rude to you. Have you asked her about her actions or talked to your dad about it?

If your mother forgave them for the horrible things they did, you should do the same. Invite her.