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Beginner February 2020

Should i invite my mother’s boyfriend?

Jainee, on September 9, 2019 at 8:49 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14

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I’m getting married in about 4 and a half months!
I don’t want to invite him at all. He physically and mentally abused me , my sister and my mom for many years living there, He made my mom kick me out a day after I turned 18. He makes everything about him and all the conversations with my mom he has to be involved with. He blames me for everything bad that’s ever happened to them, I haven’t been in contact for 5 years now! He’s sick in the head because he’s sending sexual messages to my sister on social media, he tries to do the same with me but I blocked him. My mom knows about the whole thing and she’s defending him! She hasn’t talked about my wedding at all other than the fact that he needs to be in the invitations. If I don’t she won’t go! My dad passed away a year ago and I get really sad everytime I think he’s not going to be there, so i planned on having a mother-daughter dance instead. But at this point she’s making it about her and her boyfriend, I already told her I don’t want him to be anywhere near the wedding. She plays the guilt card on me and it’s giving me unnecessary stress and anxiety!!!
I put his name on the save the dates invitations just to satisfy my mom, but I’m getting ready to make my actual invitations and I don’t plan on putting his name on it , he’s not even on the guestlist or count.

Any suggestions? I’m really stressed out about this.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Jeanie, on September 9, 2019 at 4:06 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 9, 2019 at 8:53 AM
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I'm sorry that you're going through this. I personally wouldn't invite him or your mom, but I understand that not having her there would be difficult to you.
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Super October 2020
Renee · on September 9, 2019 at 8:56 AM
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I wouldn't invite either of them. Especially since your mom defends him and his awful behavior. Personally I'd cut off all contact with them but thats just me
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Master February 2020
Amber · on September 9, 2019 at 9:02 AM
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I hate that you're in such a horrible situation. I know it means a lot to have your mom there, but if she's going to defend him no matter what, I don't think either one of them deserve to be a part of your wedding day. Easier said than done of course, but regardless of what you decide on your mom, you should NOT give in to anything to do with this man, it sounds like he's done more than enough to cause you and your family pain and he doesn't get to ruin your wedding day.
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Dedicated October 2019
H · on September 9, 2019 at 9:34 AM
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That sounds terrible. I wouldn’t want either of them there to be honest.
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on September 9, 2019 at 9:37 AM
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I’m very sorry you are dealing with this during what should be such a happy time. Honestly I wouldn’t invite either of them. If she wants to defend his behavior she isn’t any better than him. I realize that would be difficult for you but hopefully you are becoming part of a family that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Good luck.
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Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on September 9, 2019 at 9:43 AM
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I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but I wouldn't invite either of them. Unfortunately your mom made her choice. However, hes obviously extremely controlling and mentally ill. Will he hurt your mom if you don't include them in the wedding? I'd fear for her safety more than anything, since he has abused your whole family at one point.
At the end of the day, your wedding isn't about them, and I'd cut them off completely if my mom chose a man over her two daughters.
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Devoted October 2019
Melodie · on September 9, 2019 at 9:46 AM
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That’s such a crappy situation, and it really sucks that your mom has defended him time and time again. I know that she is your mother, but honestly she sounds pretty screwed up too. I probably wouldn’t want her there either. I hope that the family you will be gaining is loving and supportive.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on September 9, 2019 at 9:58 AM
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I normally say a partner or spouse must be invited. But I draw the line at abusive. Absolutely not. It’s up to you but it would be understandable if you had a heart-to-heart with your mom about feeling too upset by her not defending or protecting you (and your sister) to have her at your wedding. But you can also invite her and let her know for your own safety (and your sister’s) her abusive BF is not invited.
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Expert November 2019
Erin · on September 9, 2019 at 10:27 AM
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I’m really sorry you’re even in this situation. For your mother to defend her boyfriend over her daughters, there’s something majorly wrong. You don’t turn a blind eye to abuse of any kind. On that note, I would not invite your mother’s boyfriend. I’m not sure about your mother. If she’s going to cause issues, it might be better to not invite her. If it’s possible to sit down somewhere alone with your mom and have a heart to heart as someone else said, about how you feel regarding her not defending or protecting you or your sister, she really needs to know how you feel. She also needs to know that you will not invite her abusive boyfriend for the safety of you, your sister, and your other guests.
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on September 9, 2019 at 12:02 PM
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I know you planned to have a mother/daughter dance, but it sounds like she is allowing toxic and abusive behavior. That is not good for you any day, and can really tarnish an otherwise beautiful wedding day. It is your choice to invite who you want there, but I personally would not invite either of them. If you choose to only invite your mom you may have to face the reality that she will either bring him anyway, or she won't come at all. I'm sorry you're going through this but I do hope it works out in a way that makes you feel happy and safe.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on September 9, 2019 at 12:14 PM
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No, don't invite him. I wouldn't involve him at all.
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Super October 2019
Andrea · on September 9, 2019 at 2:14 PM
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I’m so sorry. This is just awful. You absolutely do not have to invite either of them.
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Champion December 2017
earias · on September 9, 2019 at 4:01 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this. In your situation, I would not invite either of them and I would no longer have contact with my mother.
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Super February 2020
Jeanie · on September 9, 2019 at 4:06 PM
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I wouldn’t invite either of them. Your mother is just as guilty for allowing his behaviors. If someone treated my son that way, I would lose my mind! I’m pretty sure you already know this. Don’t allow your mother to guilt and manipulate you into inviting her or her boyfriend, that’s just narcissistic behavior you don’t need in your life. As for the continued abuse and sending of sexual messages, contact the police and file a harassment complaint for both you and your sister. You should easily be able to obtain a restraining order, which he would be jailed if he breaks. I wish you luck.
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