Should i invite my future bro in laws horrid wife or not?

Husbands and wives are considered a social "unit" and must be invited together to an event like a wedding. It's proper etiquette. Something else to think about: what is FBIL going to do when he finds out his wife is not invited to the wedding? It could start a war between your FH and his brother.

I think it's totally wrong of her to have made that ugly statement about you. But instead of punishing her, why not be the bigger person? You don't have to spend any time with her, and honestly, you're likely to be so busy with your wedding, and all of the other guests, you probably won't even notice her.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you, i've always been the bigger person till this day, perhaps i still have hurt feelings of how horrid one person can be.

I agree with Cristy, just invite her to be the bigger person. Then you will be busy with your other guests and wedding day things. What she said is absolutely not ok to say about someone! I would totally be questioning if I should invite them as well.

I'd just invite her too especially because I think it'd be weird to invite the bro in law and not the wife also

But that's an ugly thing she said to you -_-

Unless you don’t want your FBIL to attend, I would invite her.

I can only assume his brother will be hurt and probably not attend if his wife isn't invited?

View Quoted Comment Its kinda an awkward situation for me and my fiancè. Its also unsure if the future brother in law would even attend despite she's invited or not. I wouldnt mind if neither came to be honest but for my fiancès sake i know it would hurt him despite what the brother did to him.

View Quoted Comment I agree and worst thing is she acts all innocent to people

I think not inviting her will simply cause you more drama than it's worth. I get it about only inviting people who support you but you also don't want drama cropping up. Talk it over with your fiance about if the drama is worth it. Otherwise I'd say just don't invite both of them.

If you weren’t worthy of that at her wedding, she’s not worthy of that at yours. End of discussion.

I agree what she said was horrid but you need to (heck, have to) take the higher ground here. They are married, they are a social unit and if they get an invite addressed just to him all Holy Hell will break loose and YOU (not your fiance because this is always directed at the woman!) will look like the bad guy. You will be so busy you won't notice her. Trust me.

I totally get it, if we could we wouldn’t be inviting my fbil wife either. However like everyone said husbands and wives are basically a pair. You invite one you really should invite the other.

I kind of have a similar issue except the undesired guest is my father's wife. I have only ever met her once(before they were married) and my father's side of the family has had nothing but problems. She has been banned from most family functions. I don't want someone at my wedding that means nothing to mean and whom I don't know. At the moment I'm not planning on inviting her. Yes I know it's not proper edicate but it's better than a fight erupting on my wedding day.. If you are okay with inviting her and ignoring her then go that route if it will avoid drama. If inviting her is going to cause drama then that is something to take into consideration. Best of luck!

Ick. ick. ick. Ugh. Unfortunately, yes. Unless you and your fiance want to cause problems with your FBIL, you have to invite her. But treat her exactly for who she is - an obligated guest invite and nothing more. To keep the vibes positive I would not allow her to be anywhere near you. Don't ask to be at pre-wedding getting ready, don't invite her to the bridal suite - anything to limit the amount of time she could interact with you and say something nasty. Good luck!

They are a social unit, and y'all are only hurting yourselves by not letting what happened 4 years ago go. I think it's time to be the bigger person and invite her. Otherwise, y'all would be setting yourselves up for a lot of unnecessary family drama. I don't have the nicest SIL either, but still invited her because it was the right thing to do.

Yikes. That's tricky. I probably would be that person who wouldn't invite her to be honest. I know it was years ago, but that hurt is still very real and I don't think you're wrong for feeling the way you do. However, it probably would cause less drama to invite her. As PPs have said, you'll be busy and likely won't notice her presence. Take a deep breath. It's not the crisis situation that it feels like right now. Personally, my ex-boyfriend (like the person I dated immediately before my FH) is a groomsman and I STRUGGLED with the fact that he was even going to be there for months. It passes though. Don't let others take away from your day

My FH initially didn't want to invite his SIL because she really hurt his brother while he was deployed, in the most stereotypical way possible. She's kind of become a persona non grata with the whole family. However, they are working through it, and staying together. Even his parents have admitted that it would cause irreparable damage if we invited his brother but not her. They're a social unit and as such, should be invited together. Maybe enlist the help of your bridesmaids or maid of honor to keep her away from you?

Just invite her and if she hates you that much she might not even show up... either way you will be too busy that day to care.

I think it is only right to invite her since they are married but I feel sad that she did that to you... but speaking as myself I would be sad and just invite her lol. Why did she say this about you? that is so rude