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Just Said Yes January 2023

Should i invite my bil and future bil to my bachelor party?

Matt, on December 21, 2021 at 4:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 3

I'm planning a surf trip bachelor party with my buddies from high school which includes my best man (7 guys total). For background, my fiance and I are only doing one best man and one maid of honor, no other groomsmen or bridesmaids. Honestly, the trip was first planned to be a surf trip and then happened to evolve and serve as my bachelor party. I asked my fiance if she cared that I invite her brother (my future BIL) to the trip. He doesn't surf and she didn't care, so I didn't. There is no drama between my fiance, me, or her brother about this trip. He's an easy going guy and great to get a long with. But I'm now getting grief from my own sister who is offended that I didn't invite her husband (my current BIL) on the trip. He invited me on his bachelor party when they got married but I feel it is different because he was marrying my sister and my sister wanted me to go. We've also somewhat butted heads in the past but nothing serious, we get along fine. It's honestly causing me a lot of stress and anxiety now, the trip is in 2 months and my sister is saying she's hurt about it. I honestly don't care if they come or not, I didn't invite them because it's a specific kind of activity trip and not a general drinking stag party, it wasn't as if I specifically excluded him when I planned it, I just didn't think to invite him. I feel if I invite one, I should invite both my future and current BIL. Is it too late to extend the invite or is it now already seen as rude on my part that the trip is already planned and they are an "after-thought"?


Latest activity by Illie, on January 31, 2023 at 11:46 AM
  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Does he surf? If not, and as you said, it's an activity specific trip, then I wouldn't invite him. What's he going to do?

    Do you know if he wants to be invited? Or, does your sister want him to be invited? If it's just her complaining, I wouldn't worry about it. He may not even want to go.

    Technically, bachelor parties are for the groomsmen. He's not one, so it's not necessary to invite him. Does he know your high school buddies? If not, who will he talk to? Will he monopolize your time? Another reason not to invite him.

    With all that said, if you do invite him, I don't think it's necessary to invite your fiance's brother, too. You know he doesn't surf, and she doesn't care, so one less potential problem to worry about!

    Good luck with planning!

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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I think your sister is being a diva, and there's no indication that your BiL is the one who wants to come or is hurt.
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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Stick to your plan. Not your sister’s party, not your sister’s place. You don’t need to feel guilt over this, there is no ‘must invite the in laws’ bach party standard. Also Willow’s point is a good one— my SIL *did* invite me to hers and I love her but also, no thank you! Being the odd man out amongst a group of best friends is not my idea of a good time! 🤣
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