Should I invite a family member's ex?

Yes it will be awkward, but you already invited her. It will also be very awkward to rescind the invitation!

Frankly, I'm surprised she said yes. Im curious why you sent the invite directly to her and not to the cousin (and her). You didn't know they no longer lived together and had broken up? Was the invitation sent to the address they used to share?

To clarify, the invite was sent to the house that they shared. I assume the cousin gave it to her since it had her name on it without thinking about what it was.

ETA: I mean the shower invite. Wedding invites have not gone out yet.

Maybe FH's family still means something to her, even though she is no longer with the cousin, and that's why she accepted the shower invite.

I'd still invite her to the wedding since she was invited to the shower (although finding out what her new address is will be less awkward). She and FH's cousin can decide whether her attending the wedding, too, will be awkward or not.

I think if they are adult enough to be in the same room it will be ok. Plus you already sent the shower invites out and she RSVP 'D which is really nice. Maybe talk to the cousin, explain to him you didn't know the situation with them, and that you would like to make sure it would be ok with him.

Oh sorry - I didn't realise it was the shower.

Yeah, you will definitely have to talk to them both and those may be awkward discussions. They may be able to handle being in the same room, but if they both bring dates that could be very awkward!

I don't know... etiquette says you invite her to the wedding, but in this case I probably wouldn't. This is a toughie! If I were the cousin.. I'd be kind of upset to have to see my ex at the wedding of one of MY family member's.

Kristy--I agree, I would be upset too, which is why I'm so torn.

SoontobeMrsRivas--That's a good idea, thank you!

One of my best friends is marrying the brother of my ex bf. Not only am I invited, but I'm a bridesmaid. It's going to be awkward as hell because he's an ass. I'm really hoping that he will be on his best behavior. I'm not really looking forward to seeing him.

I'd invite her and let it be her decision. I will have a similar situation with one of FH's friends ex, they were together 6 years, lived together, and they broke up probably 2 weeks before STDs went out. I went ahead and sent her a STD anyway bc at that time its still a chance they could get back together (still is) plus I consider her a friend now, not just a SO of FH's friend. She mentioned not coming to the wedding bc she was still hurt over the break up, but I told her I will still send her an invite bc things could change between now and my wedding (both in how she feels and if they get back together, although if he gets a new gf shes not invited LOL).

@ffw, the new gf or the old one?

I would have her come to the shower and then talk to your cousin. I realize its rude to not invite her to the wedding if she's coming to the shower but your cousin should be your priority and you would need to make sure it would be okay with him if she was there.

You can not invite someone to the shower and not the wedding. It might be weird but you must invite her

That's weird but...no takesie backsies.

I wouldn't invite her to the wedding. I'd talk to your cousin and see how he feels. Assuming the cousin broke up with the girl, if i was the ex I'd want to come too to try to win him back. You don't need drama. It'd be a quick an easy,

"hey sarah, dan just told me you guys broke up. Really sorry to hear that, and I hope you're doing well. It was a big surprise to us, and I'm sure you weren't planning on it either, so unfortunately after talking to Dan we both think it's a good idea for you not to come to the wedding and pre-wedding activities. No hard feelings, and again I truly hope you're doing well"

I agree with e=mc2.... They have a child together, he can speak with her about her attendance to the wedding. They've made grown up decisions, they can have a grown up conversation about this. Ask him to get back to you soon about her status as a wedding guest.

I would talk to cousin. Who knows, maybe it is a break and they could be back together by then and that's why she wants to go? I get that some people are saying you HAVE to invite her, but honestly if the same thing happened to my cousin and they felt uncomfortable having their ex invited to the wedding, my next question would be, "are you telling her or am I?" and then suck it up and let her know. Out of love for my cousin. I'd throw etiquette out if it made someone in my family feel respected and more comfortable. (and who knows, he may want her invited)

It will be awkward, and hopefully she will decline. But unfortunately, you extended an invitation to the shower, so you should extend an invitation to the wedding.

I would invite her, because she has a child in the family if nothing else.

also, because she accepted the shower invite, that makes me think that maybe things aren't 100% over with the cousin. they may be on great terms or getting back together.

I know this is an old feed but I'd love to know what you did in the situation?

I've just gone through a similar situation only from the ex's shoes. I was invited to my ex's aunts wedding before we broke up. I was so so excited for her, we talked dresses, colour scheme, venue everything. Then when her nephew and I broke up I found out that it was left down to my him to decide whether or not I could go. He said he's rather I didn't (maybe I should add that we work together and speak every day so its not like we're on bad terms). I felt so hurt and he knew this. Regardless of my ex, I got on so well with his aunt and wanted to go just to support her. The wedding was last week an I've just found out that his brothers new girlfriend of a few weeks who had never even met the bride an groom took my place.

I could just do with some advice myself. I realise she had to do what made her nephew happy but still I feel completely devastated and so hurt whilst my ex can't understand why I'm sad.